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So I thought I would put this in History because well it's 2 yrs ago and thus well History....
2 years ago today in the fields of Panjawi Charles Coy did something worthy of the history books, it made a blind charge (ordered to against both their CO's and OC's Objections) into an enemy stronghold Known as White School. On that day parts of me died hell I would argue that on that day parts of everyone there died. I know I have never been the same since. Everyday from that day on has been a battle, a fight.
At 0500hrs we went across and we knew deep in hearts that things were going to be sticky and then after we breached a wadi and started our advance there was a BOOM! that boom was the sound of an RPG hitting the windshield of a GWagon and killing on my mentors one of the guys who I looked at as being invincible, WO Nolan was killed taken from his Pl the man, the soldier was adored by his P and it shook them all up. not a minute later there was a bigger explosion and that is when Sgt Stachnik was killed by an anti tank gun (that gun would soon become my problem) We were surrounded on 3 sides 2pls and an HQ group with some ANA were pinned down and fighting for our lives. That day we all were hero's not a man on that battle field failed to do his job and then some. I spent the majority of that battle exposed to fire because well simply it had to be done I did some things some say brave I say just doing my job or doing what others couldn't because they had bigger worries. I ended up wounded myself, I lost my left tricep blown off by said anti tank gun and then a bullet, I also ate some metal in my left leg.
Not a day has gone by that I can't see everything crystal clear like I was there. I can hear the sound of the incoming RPG's and rounds, our out going fire and the 3 boom boom boom's of our LAV cannons firing. I can see the blood on my hands from others and then from myself when I had to tend my own wounds before getting to cover to talk a very brave guy thru dressing them properly. I can hear a scream, might have been my own I know I screamed when I told them to tourniquet my leg I screamed till I was horse, or at least I was horse when I woke up after surgery. I know others were screaming both in pain and commands so maybe there my memory is faulty. I can smell my blood the tangy scent of half cooked blood and flesh again my own and others I had worked on. What I remember most and what will always kill me inside is that I blame myself for 2 people who didn't come home that day rightly or wrongly my actions caused 2 soldiers to never see their families again. Some call it the burden of command the fact that decisions you make or orders you give may lead to soldiers dieing. I know this first hand and somedays I think maybe it's a burden best left to others. I learned one valued military lesson on leadership that day... You can make every right tactical decision and yet still have a negative outcome. I try to pass it on to those soldiers I train or train with but I know they wont get it for real until they have it happen to them and I pray it never does.
So 2 years and everyday since has been a fight a fight against my body pushing it to it's limits to get back in theater, Fighting my mind to get back on the horse and be able to do my job. And finally fighting my logical and emotional mind over a conflicting point of view...There has been one shining light in all that though I met a very special person a person who would go out of their way to make sure I knew I was OK that I could still do what I do and then after I got better ( as it were) supported me when I went for something even more challenging she has been a constant rock forall my troubles and for that I will be grateful until the day I die.
a few weeks ago a new battle started for me VAC made a decision in my disability award, suffice it to say it was unacceptable and so now I am not only fighting my countries enemies and my own body I now fight my own governments bureaucracy to get what my left arm and leg and the fact they will never work the way they should for the rest of life are worth.
Rick, Shane, Frank and Will I wont ever forget you and I will carry you with me in my heart forever.
Rick and Frank my Mentors ( My Recce GODS) You taught me everything I needed to know to be a soldier your skills and wisdom still echo in my ears, and are what carried me thru so many trials since that day. Your passing taught me leadership and I wont forget that lesson ever
Will You had potential far above what you knew and I am sorry it never grew to fruition, I will always remember you smile when I asked if you were good to go right before the explosion, I'm sorry I didn't site my CCP better...I'll work harder next time
Shane You died being a Leader head up identifying the enemy and commanding your section, I saved your Crew Commander he made it out ok...
MediPea your strength, your will, your compassion carried me through even the darkest days and then the most challenging thing I have ever completed in my career and my life. I never would have come near as far as I have without you. I can't imagine life without you in my corner being the pillar of strength you are. You are so much more then you ever give yourself credit for and I will always be there to remind of that fact.
To those of you who knew me back then and supported me I thank you and promise to keep soldiering as long as I can and to make good on all of your faith.
2 years ago today in the fields of Panjawi Charles Coy did something worthy of the history books, it made a blind charge (ordered to against both their CO's and OC's Objections) into an enemy stronghold Known as White School. On that day parts of me died hell I would argue that on that day parts of everyone there died. I know I have never been the same since. Everyday from that day on has been a battle, a fight.
At 0500hrs we went across and we knew deep in hearts that things were going to be sticky and then after we breached a wadi and started our advance there was a BOOM! that boom was the sound of an RPG hitting the windshield of a GWagon and killing on my mentors one of the guys who I looked at as being invincible, WO Nolan was killed taken from his Pl the man, the soldier was adored by his P and it shook them all up. not a minute later there was a bigger explosion and that is when Sgt Stachnik was killed by an anti tank gun (that gun would soon become my problem) We were surrounded on 3 sides 2pls and an HQ group with some ANA were pinned down and fighting for our lives. That day we all were hero's not a man on that battle field failed to do his job and then some. I spent the majority of that battle exposed to fire because well simply it had to be done I did some things some say brave I say just doing my job or doing what others couldn't because they had bigger worries. I ended up wounded myself, I lost my left tricep blown off by said anti tank gun and then a bullet, I also ate some metal in my left leg.
Not a day has gone by that I can't see everything crystal clear like I was there. I can hear the sound of the incoming RPG's and rounds, our out going fire and the 3 boom boom boom's of our LAV cannons firing. I can see the blood on my hands from others and then from myself when I had to tend my own wounds before getting to cover to talk a very brave guy thru dressing them properly. I can hear a scream, might have been my own I know I screamed when I told them to tourniquet my leg I screamed till I was horse, or at least I was horse when I woke up after surgery. I know others were screaming both in pain and commands so maybe there my memory is faulty. I can smell my blood the tangy scent of half cooked blood and flesh again my own and others I had worked on. What I remember most and what will always kill me inside is that I blame myself for 2 people who didn't come home that day rightly or wrongly my actions caused 2 soldiers to never see their families again. Some call it the burden of command the fact that decisions you make or orders you give may lead to soldiers dieing. I know this first hand and somedays I think maybe it's a burden best left to others. I learned one valued military lesson on leadership that day... You can make every right tactical decision and yet still have a negative outcome. I try to pass it on to those soldiers I train or train with but I know they wont get it for real until they have it happen to them and I pray it never does.
So 2 years and everyday since has been a fight a fight against my body pushing it to it's limits to get back in theater, Fighting my mind to get back on the horse and be able to do my job. And finally fighting my logical and emotional mind over a conflicting point of view...There has been one shining light in all that though I met a very special person a person who would go out of their way to make sure I knew I was OK that I could still do what I do and then after I got better ( as it were) supported me when I went for something even more challenging she has been a constant rock forall my troubles and for that I will be grateful until the day I die.
a few weeks ago a new battle started for me VAC made a decision in my disability award, suffice it to say it was unacceptable and so now I am not only fighting my countries enemies and my own body I now fight my own governments bureaucracy to get what my left arm and leg and the fact they will never work the way they should for the rest of life are worth.
Rick, Shane, Frank and Will I wont ever forget you and I will carry you with me in my heart forever.
Rick and Frank my Mentors ( My Recce GODS) You taught me everything I needed to know to be a soldier your skills and wisdom still echo in my ears, and are what carried me thru so many trials since that day. Your passing taught me leadership and I wont forget that lesson ever
Will You had potential far above what you knew and I am sorry it never grew to fruition, I will always remember you smile when I asked if you were good to go right before the explosion, I'm sorry I didn't site my CCP better...I'll work harder next time
Shane You died being a Leader head up identifying the enemy and commanding your section, I saved your Crew Commander he made it out ok...
MediPea your strength, your will, your compassion carried me through even the darkest days and then the most challenging thing I have ever completed in my career and my life. I never would have come near as far as I have without you. I can't imagine life without you in my corner being the pillar of strength you are. You are so much more then you ever give yourself credit for and I will always be there to remind of that fact.
To those of you who knew me back then and supported me I thank you and promise to keep soldiering as long as I can and to make good on all of your faith.