Hello everyone, I need some feedback for my essay. Let me know what you think, thanks!
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Twenty five hundred years ago, Sun Tzu said “The commander stands for the virtues of wisdom, sincerity, benevolence, courage and strictness.” Clearly I'm not yet a commander, but I possess the core foundations to become one. Should I be accepted into the ROTP program I would look to my time at RMC and service beyond as the opportunity to hone, practice and apply the virtues for which Sun Tzu speaks.
I am, I've been told, a natural leader. I'm exercising leadership this year as Vice President of my 950 person high school, through my work as a lifeguard and swimming instructor, and as a coach for the Special Olympics. A leader understands people, and in my graduation from primary school, I was awarded the 4-Way Rotary award. This award is given to one male and one female student who best demonstrates the four traits of truthfulness, fairness, building goodwill, and benefiting others. I earned sufficient points in my last year of primary school, excelling both in sports and in the classroom, earning my “Big A” award during graduation. Last year, my swim team (Bluefish Swimclub) gave to me the “Most-Improved Award” for displaying exceptional improvement in the 4 main strokes.
Learning and the world in general fascinates me. My grades are adequate but I know I'm capable of more. I am an avid reader, often consuming three or four novels a month. It is amazing what you can learn in a book, but I've also been fortunate enough to travel and see for myself. For instance this last summer, at 16, I flew on my own half way around the globe. For three weeks, under the guidance of an Aunt and Uncle, I traversed mountains to back-country ski the Southern Alps of New Zealand and Australia's Snowy Mountains. It was a great adventure.
I'm not afraid of hard work and a challenge. At thirteen I trained with the army cadets. The day I turned 14 I applied for and was hired at Tim Horton's. For sixteen months I impressed the managerial staff and was often praised by customers who would comment how impressed they were by my service. I left Tim's for a new experience working at the movie theatre. Eventually I took a second job to boost my savings. My end goal was to work as a lifeguard. I diligently took all the required courses and volunteered when I could. This fall I was hired at the pool, and will continue there until University - Mission accomplished.
I have a strong sense of community involvement and team participation. I have logged over 150 hours as a volunteer swimming instructor (as I mentioned before I was hired) and as the technical supervisor with the “Prior Players”, a theatrical group based in our town. I work the lights, the curtains, and the setup of a theatrical play and teach others how as well. I am a senior member of the Bluefish competitive swim club, and have maintained my fitness because of it. On the team I also help coach the “entry level” kids every second day. I am an active member of our local paintball club, play competitive tennis and love to ski.
The Military has been my passion for years. I dream of wearing a uniform, contributing to my country, and honouring those who have fulfilled their duties beyond the call. American General Colin Powell said it well,”There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” I agree and intend to do just that. I place my commitment, my dedication, my heart and soul into the military. I am ready for the Canadian Forces and hope that I am chosen for the ROTP program.
Sincerely,
Maximilian C. Moore
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Twenty five hundred years ago, Sun Tzu said “The commander stands for the virtues of wisdom, sincerity, benevolence, courage and strictness.” Clearly I'm not yet a commander, but I possess the core foundations to become one. Should I be accepted into the ROTP program I would look to my time at RMC and service beyond as the opportunity to hone, practice and apply the virtues for which Sun Tzu speaks.
I am, I've been told, a natural leader. I'm exercising leadership this year as Vice President of my 950 person high school, through my work as a lifeguard and swimming instructor, and as a coach for the Special Olympics. A leader understands people, and in my graduation from primary school, I was awarded the 4-Way Rotary award. This award is given to one male and one female student who best demonstrates the four traits of truthfulness, fairness, building goodwill, and benefiting others. I earned sufficient points in my last year of primary school, excelling both in sports and in the classroom, earning my “Big A” award during graduation. Last year, my swim team (Bluefish Swimclub) gave to me the “Most-Improved Award” for displaying exceptional improvement in the 4 main strokes.
Learning and the world in general fascinates me. My grades are adequate but I know I'm capable of more. I am an avid reader, often consuming three or four novels a month. It is amazing what you can learn in a book, but I've also been fortunate enough to travel and see for myself. For instance this last summer, at 16, I flew on my own half way around the globe. For three weeks, under the guidance of an Aunt and Uncle, I traversed mountains to back-country ski the Southern Alps of New Zealand and Australia's Snowy Mountains. It was a great adventure.
I'm not afraid of hard work and a challenge. At thirteen I trained with the army cadets. The day I turned 14 I applied for and was hired at Tim Horton's. For sixteen months I impressed the managerial staff and was often praised by customers who would comment how impressed they were by my service. I left Tim's for a new experience working at the movie theatre. Eventually I took a second job to boost my savings. My end goal was to work as a lifeguard. I diligently took all the required courses and volunteered when I could. This fall I was hired at the pool, and will continue there until University - Mission accomplished.
I have a strong sense of community involvement and team participation. I have logged over 150 hours as a volunteer swimming instructor (as I mentioned before I was hired) and as the technical supervisor with the “Prior Players”, a theatrical group based in our town. I work the lights, the curtains, and the setup of a theatrical play and teach others how as well. I am a senior member of the Bluefish competitive swim club, and have maintained my fitness because of it. On the team I also help coach the “entry level” kids every second day. I am an active member of our local paintball club, play competitive tennis and love to ski.
The Military has been my passion for years. I dream of wearing a uniform, contributing to my country, and honouring those who have fulfilled their duties beyond the call. American General Colin Powell said it well,”There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” I agree and intend to do just that. I place my commitment, my dedication, my heart and soul into the military. I am ready for the Canadian Forces and hope that I am chosen for the ROTP program.
Sincerely,
Maximilian C. Moore
