My Son Is Going to Afghanstan.

[adams_mom]

First time posting and if I put this in wrong spot I am sorry.  My son is being deployed on Feb 8 to Afghanstan.  I am so scared he is so young.  I am in tears writing this and don't know what to say or do.  Any suggestions on how to cope for me as I have kept my feelings from him.  I don't want him worrying over there and not concentrating on what he is doing. 
I do come from a military family although my dad never had to go overseas when we were born so this is a first time for me handling this.


Susan

MOD EDIT: FIXED TITLE

 

[Good2Golf]

Susan, he is going over well trained and well equipped, with enough experienced soldiers with previous tours to keep an eye out for everyone, including your son.  It's your right, heck...even you duty as his mother, to be concerned -- we would expect nothing less from a Mom!  Continue to be concerned for him...but not worried.  Be there to listen to him when he phones home to tell you about how things are going for him and his compatriots.  Be happy for him that he will be achieving something that very few people have the opportunity to do.  The thanks he will unquestionably get from Afghans as he helps them rebuild and develop their country will be treasured memories he will hold forever.  Don't hesitate in the slightest to ask anything of us here to help you if you need to talk about anything.

Regards,
G2G

 

[Franko]

Susan,

You posted in the right spot.     

The best thing that you can do for both him and yourself is to be there for him.....and obviously you are,unconditionally.

Use this site to vent, educate yourself on coping techniques and what to send your son in care packages.

There are plenty of ideas here for you to explore.

Also there are many sources of information that are available to you here as well.

There are many parents who come to this site for the exact same reason you did, but for some haven't taken the first step in posting their fears.

Just remember this.......You are not alone.

Regards

 

[zipperhead_cop]

Adams_mom:
Take some time and see some of the threads around the site.  Canada is really making some progress in Afghanistan, and people like your boy are making it happen.  Everyone is pulling together and is doing their best to cover each others back sides.  I know that you will not feel completely okay until you meet him in September (?) in Kingston on his return, but he is in good company in the mean time. 
Like G2G said, don't hesitate to ask if you need anything.  I believe there is a Family Resource Center through the CF, but I don't have a link for it. Anyone?
Godspeed to Adam, and our prayers are with you. 

 

[Roy Harding]

First time posting and if I put this in wrong spot I am sorry.  My son is being deployed on Feb 8 to Afghanstan.  I am so scared he is so young.  I am in tears writing this and don't know what to say or do.  Any suggestions on how to cope for me as I have kept my feelings from him.  I don't want him worrying over there and not concentrating on what he is doing. 
I do come from a military family although my dad never had to go overseas when we were born so this is a first time for me handling this.


Susan

Adams Mom:

Bless you - you are one of the forgotten ones - the Moms, Dads, Brothers, Sisters of those who serve.

If I can suggest a few coping mechanisms (I've been around the block one or twice); 

DON'T listen to/watch  the news, they have a habit of sensationalizing things.  If something happens to Adam (which it won't) YOU'll know LONG before the public media.

Remember that you are surrounded by a community of caring people - this includes Adam's regiment, his branch, and the Canadian Forces as a whole - as well as folks here on Army.ca.

DON'T count the days 'till he comes home - it only emphasizes the fact that he's away.

DON'T worry if he doesn't call when he promised he would - he can't control circumstances over there, the best of intentions on his part can be thwarted by circumstances, or military security requirements.

REMEMBER that Adam is one of the best trained soldiers in the world - he'll know what needs to be done whatever the circumstances - and he'll be right, every time.

Madame;  your son Adam is a fine man - I know this because he has volunteered to be a member of the CF;  he's been trained, and he's ready; I feel your anxiety, and I feel your concern.

If you wish, please PM me with your concerns - I'd be happy to correspond with a Canadian Soldier's Mom.  If I can't answer those concerns, I can at least put you in touch with the right agencies.


Roy Harding

 

[proudnurse]

Susan, Welcome and my thoughts and prayers are with you, your son and his fellow soldiers! There is alot of great support here. Take some time and write him some letters, make him some care packages of his favourite things also, I have a good list  of some things you can or cannot send, if you would like it just let me know. Keep your chin up, and we're here anytime you need us for a warm shoulder. There are also alot of others that have or are going through the same thing as you are right now with a loved one being deployed, I know that any questions you may have, they will be able to answer. 

God Bless

Rebecca

 

[proudnurse]

I just peeked around here, and found this thread and there is alot of info about care packages. I thought it would be broader than what I have myself.

http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/35935.0.html

Rebecca

 

[xo31@711ret]

Susan, Adam is one of the best trained soldiers in the world with the best equipment and support. He is lead by the the best trained, disciplined, caring NCO's & officers. Nothing can replace his immediate family (yourself and family). His 'second' family; his peers, supervisors, unit are there for him. Listen to what others posted here, they Know what they say. 

to you and all our families

 

[medaid]

Adam's Mom:

    I cant say I understand what you're going through, but I can say that my mother, and other loved ones have similar concerns for me. They cant fathom why I would want to leave my country, go to another country, and attempt to stabilize it. It will be tough, there will be no lying about that, for you and others who love Adam. But, remember that he will not be alone when he's over there. He will be with his friends, new friends, brothers and sister of different blood but the same family.

Welcome to Army.ca. There are many members here who would no doubt be glad to chat with you with regards to your concerns and fears. Our soldiers are well cared for by those who lead them. My troops haven't even left for Over There yet, and I'm already worried about them and their families.

Be strong. It is also through you that your son will draw his strength from. From you and all of us. Best wishes to you and your son.

You know where we are.

 

[1feral1]

Dear Adam's Mom,

Welcome to army.ca.

Take it from someone who is deployed right now. I've been here since August. What matters most of all is support from home. Mail, emails, phone calls, and remember, just knowing that someone back home is thinking about him, well it makes it easier, and just you being there for him helps a lot.

As for what goes on over here, I guess its a parents duty to worry, but you can't worry about things you have no control over. Again remember, he is among friends, the closest he'll ever have in his life. He is with the best Canada has to offer, he has great equipment, and is trained to an exceptional high standard.

I won't BS you, its a dangerous place in this neck of the woods, the days are long, but the time passes quickly, and before you know it, he'll be back on leave, and then home safe and sound soon enough afterwards.

You are not alone in your concern. There is lots of worried parents and spouses, friends and family out there.

I look after a platoon of young guys here, and as much as would rather be home back in my beloved Australia, there is no other place I'd rather be than here right now. They're my family as dysfunctional as they are, they are the best.

I wish your Son and his Unit a safe and speedy tour,


Regards from Baghdad,

Wes

 

[GUNS]

Adam's Mom,

You are not alone with your tears.

The previous posts have excellent information and you should follow it to the best of your ability.

Don't try to deal with this on your own, get in contact with your son's unit. They are more than willing to help in any way possible.

The MFRC(Military Family Resources Center) is your best bet, the MFRC in our area meet every Tuesday night. I am sure your son's unit can provide a MFRC nearest you.

One more thing to add, don't be afraid everytime the phone rings. I doubt very much it will ever happen but you will be contacted in person if the situation warrents it.

Adam's Mom, there are millions of people that support your son's decision, be proud, be very,very proud of him.

You are not alone.

 

[adams_mom]

Thank you all for your words of encourgement, advice and links.  It does help a bit.  I am glad this site showed up when I did a search on google.  Will be coming here quite a bit.  I have booked the day he is flying out off.  I had to explain to my boss why and he still did not understand why I would have a hard time.  /sigh.  Although I must say he is a single man no children so that may be why he does not understand why I feel I will be in no shape to work.

I will say this I have just been reunited with my son over Christmas, and will not be the first notified of good or bad things.    I will be getting the info 2nd hand but his brothers(my sons) have promised to let me know asap. 

I plan on sending out LOTS of care packages, letters, emails.  I was thinking of packages monthly and weekly letters, is that too much? 

On a side note how is the internet connection over there?  Are they able to get on a computer to play online games like World of Warcraft?  I have the game and am planning if he can play it to send to him too.

Susan

 

[military granny]

Susan

I ,like you, am a soldiers mom. These young men  (boys) we have raised are some of the best soldiers in the world. We, the mothers, do get forgotten but I found if I let it be known to the "rear party" that I wanted the phone calls and news letters that they were more then happy to oblige. Please know that you are not alone, even when our sons and daughters come home we still think about the other sons and daughters that are still there.
Susan if you ever need to talk please feel free to contact me. I will be thinking about Adam and you in the coming weeks and months.
As for care packages, I sent one every couple weeks with letters in them and told him to send an email if there was anything he needed right away. It seemed to work out OK for us .

 

[swahili]

Susan, unless he brings his own laptop, he probably won't have access to a computer long enough to do games and stuff... mine bought a laptop during his HTLA which he used. He was not allowed to hook online with it (security reasons, etc...)

Also - if your sons say to hold back info until you are informed (injury, death, etc) they will so don't worry about that either. You won't hear the name on the news. You can also be added to the form I believe, for notification.

My husband just got back at end of June... communication was alright, phone times are limited, if he gets to the computer at non-busy times, he can probably stay on there long enough to send some emails, etc... might seem a bit of a bummer but - just 10-12 years ago in Bosnia, you were lucky to get 10 minutes once a month on the phone. I think hubby only talked to his parents twice his whole tour... not by choice but circumstance So, when you get frustrated, just remember the advancements (satellite phones) that have been made

Take care!

 

[camochick]

My husband came back in August from the ghan and I will say that the tour was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. But like most have said here, Stay busy, come here for support, and try not to watch the news (It really is impossible, for months ctv newsnet was on 24/7 in  my house). The only thing you can do though is to have faith in him, and the people he works with.
As for communication, I guess it depends on what he is doing over there. Some women I know had husbands who stayed in camp the whole tour and they would have a few hours a day to chat online or on the phone. My husband was outside the wire for the most part, so we didn't get alot of computer time, but they did have an awesome Sat phone (Well as awesome as a sat phone can get) so sometimes I would get a quick call almost everyday, but sometimes it would be two weeks between calls. I sent a package a month for the first 4 months and I sent a letter almost every week. Hubby loved everything, even if it was just a silly home made card , because it was something from home. I didn't send alot of practical things (razors , deodorant, etc) because they can buy that over there, but because he was outside the wire alot, I sent alot of canned goods so he wouldn't have to eat rations all the time (According to hubby, Crystal Light single serve packs are awesome but don't send pop tarts) .
Just take it one day at a time, feel free to pm me if you need to chat. Cheers!!

 

[swahili]

I second the crystal light packages as well! Many, many, MANY of those got sent and were all used up. I sent a jar of kool-aid too (pre-mixed, sugar already added) and he mixed those... kool-aid also released shortly after, some kool-aid single mix packages too now, so I would have started sending those ... and I guess I'll be sending those in the future too

If he has aspartame issues, I wouldn't send that since that is what the sweetener is

 

[Command-Sense-Act 105]

Susan, here is some info.  If you have it already, please ignore:

You can contact your nearest local Military Family Resource Centre (MFRC) using the search engine here: http://www.cfpsa.com/en/psp/dmfs/mfrccontact/index.asp#.  MFRCs do a lot of good work to support and assist CF families, both during deployment and in normal military life.  They also support the parents and relatives of single soldiers, no matter where they are.  If there is an MFRC near you they will help you out.

You can also call the Mission Information Line at 1-800-866-4546 for information or to speak with one of the mission support counsellors.  The line is manned until midnight both nights with a live counsellor and if an incident happens in theatre at any time of day or night, weekend, holiday or weekday, the staff is up and on the line to respond.  They also keep their info boxes with up-to-date information as soon as it is released.  The staff are all trained counsellors who have a lot of experience with all sorts of family support functions and are there even if you are just having a hard time and need someone to listen.  The MIL has been running for several years now and helping families out.

Best of luck, stay strong and use all the resources available (including Army.ca) to help you shoulder the burden...

 

[AKA Sam]

Susan, my son Doug is leaving on Saturday February 10th for his first tour.  I'm scared too.  I have found that talking to other moms and dads who have been there has been very helpful so far. Although I've never been involved in military life, my son has wanted to join the CF since he was three years old.  His paternal grandfather was a merchant marine and his paternal great grandfather fought at the battle of Vimy Ridge (and survived).  So I guess it's in his blood.

We can worry together......just pm me if you want to exchange personal info so we can talk to each other whenever we need to.  It does help to know that I'm not alone.

God Bless!

Sam

 

[adams_mom]

Thank you for all of your replies.  I have read them over and over again.  There is a lot of good advice I am glad I found this site.

To the other moms that posted thank you I offer you my support and prayers.   

Trying to deal with it daily and think positively.  I have informed everyone in my  house (hubby and brother) no news on when I am home.  They understand and agree. 

Work is  another thing.  If people tell me one more time they don't understand why I am a mess etc I will scream.  Although I work with young kids and to them it seems ummm  glamorous like a movie or video game. 

It could be also I am super senstitive atm.  I don't know I am trying to keep a happy face on  for others and deal with this in private.  Guess I have to take it day by day.

Susan

 

[camochick]

Adams_mom, one of the things I learned while hubby was on tour is that although the tour is a major thing in your life, others have their own problems (and believe me , I know how hard it can be not to scream at someone who is complaining there boyfriend is gone to Ft mcMurray for a week). But you can always come here and fine people who understand what you're going through. Hang in there, have faith and things will work out in the end.