My girlfriend and the military

[Rodrigues13]

Hey everyone,

I'll start off by saying that I am 24 years old and I really want to join the military. Specifically to become a Combat Engineer. Now aside from being able to help people and serve the greatest country in the world, I know it is a great career opportunity. The problem seems to be my girlfriend. I have lived with her for the past year and absolutely love her to bits. She really doesn't want me to join up. She's the needy type that can't be away from me for too long but she says she would do anything for me. I don't really have a great job and I have explained to her that this is a great opportunity for us to move on in life, as it is next to impossible for a hard working young person to be able to afford a house and a family these days. I really don't know how to get the message across to her and I was hoping there is somebody out there who has been through this and can help me out. I've already heard the obvious answers like leave her, or don't join. But I don't want to leave her and I really want to serve my country. Any advice?

Thanks

Ryan

 

[aesop081]

She's the needy type that can't be away from me for too long

Get rid of her.

but she says she would do anything for me.

That will remain true until the first time you are away.

 

[dimsum]

But I don't want to leave her and I really want to serve my country. Any advice?

Thanks

Ryan

Well, it really boils down to that, doesn't it.  She doesn't want you to go, you want to go.  The job is one that involves significant amounts of time away, and she's not good with that. 

Is it the "military" bit she doesn't like, or the "time away" bit?  My point being, if you got a good job in the oil sector or something, would she be equally reluctant?

 

[GAP]

Hmmmm....she will do anything you want, as long as it's what she wants......


If you want to live your life that way,,,,,have at it....... :

 

[mariomike]

Any advice?

5 pages of it here.

Topic: "Girlfriends":
http://forums.milnet.ca/forums/threads/49117/post-430650.html#msg430650

 

[Dissident]

Hmmmm....she will do anything you want, as long as it's what she wants......


If you want to live your life that way,,,,,have at it....... :

What he said.

At 25 I left my girlfriend of 4-5 years. She couldn't get behind the whole army thing and resented it quite a bit. (We talked a few years later and she admitted to thinking it was just a phase I was going through and would grow out of it  :  )

Now 5-6 years with the wife, also a reservist. Couldn't be happier. We support each other without reservation.

Find someone you love that will also enable you to be successful. Putting limitations on your desire doesn't fit well into this category.

 

[Rodrigues13]

It's more the time away than the military Im pretty sure

 

[aesop081]

It's more the time away than the military Im pretty sure

Either way, your new career would go over like a lead balloon.

See my advice in reply #1.

 

[Jarnhamar]

Lets see a picture

 

[GnyHwy]

I like Dimsum's suggestion.  Ask her if the oil rigs are a better option.  You'll be away just as much, but better pay.  Then you'll find your answer.

 

[aesop081]

Lets see a picture

Dude, remember:

"No matter how hot she is, someone somewhere is tired of putting up with her s**t !"

 

[Maxadia]

If you're away and she's unhappy, you're going to be unhappy too.

If you stay home and she's happy, you won't be, or you'll spend your time regretting it.

Compromise sounds great...it isn't.  Not when it is something like this, unfortunately. 

 

[estoguy]

What a lot of these guys have said already.  I found out the long way that it sucks to have a "needy" wife/girlfriend.  Especially one that puts limits on you.  If she thinks she can do that on your career aspirations, think about what she could do day to day.  Seriously NOT worth it.  If I had of been smarter in my younger days, I might already be in the Forces.  But its never too late.  If you want to be in that badly, you have your answer.

 

[brihard]

It's more the time away than the military Im pretty sure

You're trying to draw a distinction that doesn't exist.

YOU want to join and to serve, and likely you will not be satisfied until you do.

Put your application in. Tell her you have done so. You'll quickly find out where her heart lies and just how committed to the relationship she is. But the only life you can ever be happy with living is your own, and you shouldn't hold yourself back form living it. In time either she will accept it and remain a pat of it, or you'll find someone else who will.

 

[Bruce Monkhouse]

Ask yourself if you would be enough of a dick to stop her from doing something that she really, really wanted....................see what I did there?

 

[Jarnhamar]

Dude, remember:

"No matter how hot she is, someone somewhere is tired of putting up with her s**t !"

Your wise council belies your age sir, you are right.

 

[armyvern]

... I really don't know how to get the message across to her ...

Ryan

LMAO. Quote of the day right there folks.

Fact is, you'll never get the message across simply because the above ends with "her" and not "him". She may say she's gotten the message, but next year, next decade, next week and tomorrow, it will be your fault because "you joined the military way back when and I told you I didn't support that".

Despite her "getting it", you will continue to hear about it every pay day, every course and every fight until the day she also gets 1/2 your pension, house et al. That's when she'll eventually "get it" and stop bitching about it and to you about it.

Save yourself a lifetime of heartache and find a girl that supports and "gets" you now.

Signed:  A Girl

 

[Maxadia]

Vern, I think you should quote the original posters message and your response, including the signature,  and then send it into Men's Health magazine or something like that. 

It'd probably help out quite a few of the young guys across NA. 

 

[ditchpig041]

Buddy,

Best advice is to do what you feel is the best for YOU.  No kids, no mortgage, no huge tie-downs, no problem!!!!

Its not too late to give her the big hug and tell her you are joining up, and wish her the best of luck.

Should you choose to stay together, and then enlist, you will get little to no pity from the boys in the mess decks.  In my previous-to-this trade I had one of my guys coming to me all the time during one of my deployments going on and on about how his other half at home wasnt happy... blah... blah.... blah....

Took a good guys head out of the game, and then caused a category-a shitticane amongst the other guys too as a bad attitude is infectious.

If your heart is REALLY set on enlisting and REALLY set on keeping her in your life, go to school, join the reserves, and be a "part time" soldier.  You get the joys of doing what you want, and she stops nagging.

Anyhoo, good luck!

 

[GnyHwy]

Save yourself a lifetime of heartache and find a girl that supports and "gets" you now.

It takes a very special girl to be a devoted army wife.  I am very lucky to have one that understands the military very well, and we still have many tough times.