More and more funnies.. vol: something...
- Thread starter Timmy!
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A Scottish Solder in full dress uniform marches into a chemists.
Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds - to reveal a condom.
The condom has a number of patches on it.
The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.
“How much to repair it?” the Scot asks the chemist.
“Six pence,” says the chemist.
“How much for a new one?”
“Ten pence,”says the chemist.
The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.
A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside, followed by an even greater shout.
The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.
“The regiment has taken a vote,” he says.
“We’ll have a new one.”
Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds - to reveal a condom.
The condom has a number of patches on it.
The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.
“How much to repair it?” the Scot asks the chemist.
“Six pence,” says the chemist.
“How much for a new one?”
“Ten pence,”says the chemist.
The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.
A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside, followed by an even greater shout.
The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.
“The regiment has taken a vote,” he says.
“We’ll have a new one.”
iper:
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It has nothing to do with the military... but it made me laugh...
ONLY A MOTHER WOULD KNOW .......
Cup of Tea
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.
I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea',
which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise
for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.
My Dad made her wait in the living room
to watch me bring him a cup of
tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'
My Mom waited, and sure enough,
here I come down the hall
with a cup of tea for Daddy and she
watches him drink it up.
Then she says, (as only a mother would know..
'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?'
ONLY A MOTHER WOULD KNOW .......
Cup of Tea
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.
I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea',
which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise
for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.
My Dad made her wait in the living room
to watch me bring him a cup of
tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'
My Mom waited, and sure enough,
here I come down the hall
with a cup of tea for Daddy and she
watches him drink it up.
Then she says, (as only a mother would know..
'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?'
ironduke57
Sr. Member
- Reaction score
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Tour de France 1940:
;D
Regards,
ironduke57
;D
Regards,
ironduke57
Pregnancy Advice
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea
'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked.
'Actually, yes, I do.'
'Does it hurt you?' he asked.
'No. I rather like it.'
'Well, then,' the doctor continued, 'there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.'
The woman was mystified. 'What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?'
'Of course,' the doctor replied. 'Where do you think politicians come from?
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea
'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked.
'Actually, yes, I do.'
'Does it hurt you?' he asked.
'No. I rather like it.'
'Well, then,' the doctor continued, 'there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.'
The woman was mystified. 'What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?'
'Of course,' the doctor replied. 'Where do you think politicians come from?
- Reaction score
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I have always thought this joke was rather funny. Enjoy!
Bathroom Commode
http://www.ebe.org.uk/joke21.htm
The story is told of a lady who was rather old-fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a week's vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation.
She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term BATHROOM COMMODE. But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again, rewrote the entire letter referring to the bathroom commode merely as the BC "Does the campground have it's own BC?" is what she actually wrote.
Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That BC business really stumped him.
After worrying about it for awhile, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply
Dear Madam I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure in informing you that a BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away, if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late. It is such a beautiful facility and the acoustics are marvelous even the normal delivery sounds can be heard.
The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now a supper is planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it in the basement of the BC.
I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it surely is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow old, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather.
If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks.
Remember, this is a friendly community.
Sincerely,
Campground Owner
--Selected from Mikey's Funnies: http://www.mikeysfunnies.com
Bathroom Commode
http://www.ebe.org.uk/joke21.htm
The story is told of a lady who was rather old-fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a week's vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation.
She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term BATHROOM COMMODE. But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again, rewrote the entire letter referring to the bathroom commode merely as the BC "Does the campground have it's own BC?" is what she actually wrote.
Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That BC business really stumped him.
After worrying about it for awhile, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply
Dear Madam I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure in informing you that a BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away, if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late. It is such a beautiful facility and the acoustics are marvelous even the normal delivery sounds can be heard.
The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now a supper is planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it in the basement of the BC.
I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it surely is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow old, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather.
If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks.
Remember, this is a friendly community.
Sincerely,
Campground Owner
--Selected from Mikey's Funnies: http://www.mikeysfunnies.com
- Reaction score
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For the Annual Company Picnic, management had decided that because of liability issues, we could have alcohol, but only one drink per person...
I was fired for ordering the cups.
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I was fired for ordering the cups.
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- Reaction score
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- Reaction score
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Enjoy!
Weapons of mass distraction FUNNY MILITARY TRAINING
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5sHcXRec_I
Military comedy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0gANjBrUDk
See what happens when soldiers get board, LOL... I think it's super that troops can entertain themselves.
Weapons of mass distraction FUNNY MILITARY TRAINING
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5sHcXRec_I
Military comedy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0gANjBrUDk
See what happens when soldiers get board, LOL... I think it's super that troops can entertain themselves.
- Reaction score
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- Points
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Thank you Moe.
I found these too:
Funny Canadian Soldiers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3yNWvlPgZo
I have not, to date, seen jousting done like this before, gave me a laugh.
Mad TV - Air Canada
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sy8xc_-VB5c&feature=related
I found these too:
Funny Canadian Soldiers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3yNWvlPgZo
I have not, to date, seen jousting done like this before, gave me a laugh.
Mad TV - Air Canada
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sy8xc_-VB5c&feature=related
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