- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 210
Read the caption to the picture. ;D
More and more funnies.. vol: something...
- Thread starter Timmy!
- Start date
- Reaction score
- 1,292
- Points
- 940
A little long, but worth the read:
*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING*
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course
of you date with my daughter, I will take my pneumatic stapler and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate; when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject
is “early."
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup and choosing an appropriate outfit, a process than can take longer than renovating the Parliament buildings. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like cut my grass?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Nursing homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, all-seeing merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you
have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in low over my defensive position in East Timor. When my Dengue Fever starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean my guns and hone my machete as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, and then return to your car --there is no need for you to come inside. Oh, and the camouflaged face at the window is mine.
*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING*
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course
of you date with my daughter, I will take my pneumatic stapler and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate; when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject
is “early."
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup and choosing an appropriate outfit, a process than can take longer than renovating the Parliament buildings. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like cut my grass?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Nursing homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, all-seeing merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you
have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in low over my defensive position in East Timor. When my Dengue Fever starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean my guns and hone my machete as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, and then return to your car --there is no need for you to come inside. Oh, and the camouflaged face at the window is mine.
A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home. Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.
Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall, grinning man.
"Hi there little girl, I'm President Obama. What do you have in the basket?" he asked.
"Kittens," little Suzy said.
"How old are they?" asked Obama.
Suzy replied, "They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet."
"And what kind of kittens are they?"
"Democrats," answered Suzy with a smile.
Obama was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.
Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two men agreed that the president should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.
So the next day, Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of "FREE KITTENS," when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN.
Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Obama got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.
"Hello, again," he said, "I'd love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you're giving away."
"Yes sir," Suzy said. "They're Republicans."
Taken by surprise, the president stammered, "But... But... Yesterday, you told me they were DEMOCRATS."
Little Suzy smiled and said, "I know. But today, they have their eyes open"
Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall, grinning man.
"Hi there little girl, I'm President Obama. What do you have in the basket?" he asked.
"Kittens," little Suzy said.
"How old are they?" asked Obama.
Suzy replied, "They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet."
"And what kind of kittens are they?"
"Democrats," answered Suzy with a smile.
Obama was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.
Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two men agreed that the president should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.
So the next day, Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of "FREE KITTENS," when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN.
Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Obama got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.
"Hello, again," he said, "I'd love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you're giving away."
"Yes sir," Suzy said. "They're Republicans."
Taken by surprise, the president stammered, "But... But... Yesterday, you told me they were DEMOCRATS."
Little Suzy smiled and said, "I know. But today, they have their eyes open"
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 210
PMedMoe said:Maybe the fast food places in KAF should have stayed closed to this guy:
When I saw that post, I laughed..
But then, I looked at the last “Hammer Sandwich” family portrait.
Shoot, I’ve been 4 shades under, and 4 shades over the overweight of that dude.
He deployed, and I didn’t.
At least he’s contributing.
(Not that this is a shout out for ‘da fatties”, but (I hope) that’s a penis shrinker for nobodys like me.
Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously.
Check out their new livery!
WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR - SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.
Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg . Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
---o0o---
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
----o0o---
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
----o0o---
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."
---o0o---
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
---o0o---
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
---o0o---
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
---o0o---
From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
---o0o---
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."
---o0o---
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
----o0o---
"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
---o0o---
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."
---o0o---
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
---o0o---
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
---o0o---
Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
---o0o---
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
---o0o---
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said,
"Did we land, or were we shot down?"
---o0o---
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."
---o0o---
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."
---o0o---
Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
---o0o---
A plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town , The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOODNESS!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger then yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
Check out their new livery!
WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR - SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.
Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg . Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
---o0o---
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
----o0o---
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
----o0o---
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."
---o0o---
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
---o0o---
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
---o0o---
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
---o0o---
From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
---o0o---
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."
---o0o---
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
----o0o---
"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
---o0o---
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."
---o0o---
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
---o0o---
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
---o0o---
Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
---o0o---
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
---o0o---
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said,
"Did we land, or were we shot down?"
---o0o---
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."
---o0o---
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."
---o0o---
Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
---o0o---
A plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town , The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOODNESS!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger then yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
- Reaction score
- 6,056
- Points
- 1,160
Why can't the rest of this idoitic world take a page from Kulula airline's play book?
Makes me want to move there and work for them.
Makes me want to move there and work for them.
ironduke57
Sr. Member
- Reaction score
- 2
- Points
- 230
I already heared them years ago with differing Airlines as source. But they always get a smile on my face. 
-------------------------------------------------------
This happens if you forget to close the drivers hatch: >
;D
Regards,
ironduke57
-------------------------------------------------------
This happens if you forget to close the drivers hatch: >
;D
Regards,
ironduke57
Asking Mommy
Little Johnny and her mother were out and about. Little Johnny, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?" The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older.
Little Johnny then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weight?" Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this too, as you grow up."
Little Johnny still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The Little Johnny , frustrated, sulks until he is dropped off at a friend's house to play. He consults with his friend about him and her mother's conversation. His friend says, "All you have to do is sneak and look at your mother's driver's license. It's just like a report card from school. It tells you everything."
Later, the Little Johnny and her mother are out and about again. The Little Johnny starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are, You're 32 years old."
The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"
The Little Johnny shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weight. You weight 130 pounds."
"Where did you learn that?", said the mother again.
The Little Johnny says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an "F" in sex."
Little Johnny and her mother were out and about. Little Johnny, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?" The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older.
Little Johnny then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weight?" Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this too, as you grow up."
Little Johnny still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The Little Johnny , frustrated, sulks until he is dropped off at a friend's house to play. He consults with his friend about him and her mother's conversation. His friend says, "All you have to do is sneak and look at your mother's driver's license. It's just like a report card from school. It tells you everything."
Later, the Little Johnny and her mother are out and about again. The Little Johnny starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are, You're 32 years old."
The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"
The Little Johnny shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weight. You weight 130 pounds."
"Where did you learn that?", said the mother again.
The Little Johnny says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an "F" in sex."
OOPS !
This brand spanking new Airbus 340-600, the largest passenger airplane ever built, sits just outside its hangar in Toulouse, France without a single hour of airtime.
Enter the Arab flight crew of Abu Dhabi Aircraft Technologies (ADAT) to conduct pre-delivery tests on the ground, such as engine run-ups, prior to delivery to Etihad Airways in Abu Dhabi .
The ADAT crew taxied the A340-600 to the run-up area.
Then they took all four engines to takeoff power with a virtually empty aircraft. Not having read the run-up manuals, they had no clue just how light an empty A340-600 really is.
The takeoff warning horn was blaring away in the cockpit because they had All 4 engines at full power. The aircraft computers thought they were trying to take off, but it had not been configured properly (flaps/slats, etc.)
Then one of the ADAT crew decided to pull the circuit breaker on the Ground Proximity Sensor to silence the alarm. This fools the aircraft into thinking it is in the air. The computers automatically released all the brakes and set the aircraft rocketing forward.
The ADAT crew had no idea that this is a safety feature so that pilots can't land with the brakes on.
Not one member of the seven-man Arab crew was smart enough to throttle back the engines from their max power setting, so the $200 million brand-new aircraft crashed into a blast barrier, totaling it.
The extent of injuries to the crew is unknown due to the news blackout in the major media in France and elsewhere. Because........
Coverage of the story was deemed insulting to Muslim Arabs.
Finally, the photos are starting to leak out. .
One French Airbus: $200 million dollars
Untrained Arab Flight Crew: $300,000 Yearly Salary
Unread Operating Manual: $300
Aircraft meets retaining wall and the wall wins.
PRICELESS!!!
This brand spanking new Airbus 340-600, the largest passenger airplane ever built, sits just outside its hangar in Toulouse, France without a single hour of airtime.
Enter the Arab flight crew of Abu Dhabi Aircraft Technologies (ADAT) to conduct pre-delivery tests on the ground, such as engine run-ups, prior to delivery to Etihad Airways in Abu Dhabi .
The ADAT crew taxied the A340-600 to the run-up area.
Then they took all four engines to takeoff power with a virtually empty aircraft. Not having read the run-up manuals, they had no clue just how light an empty A340-600 really is.
The takeoff warning horn was blaring away in the cockpit because they had All 4 engines at full power. The aircraft computers thought they were trying to take off, but it had not been configured properly (flaps/slats, etc.)
Then one of the ADAT crew decided to pull the circuit breaker on the Ground Proximity Sensor to silence the alarm. This fools the aircraft into thinking it is in the air. The computers automatically released all the brakes and set the aircraft rocketing forward.
The ADAT crew had no idea that this is a safety feature so that pilots can't land with the brakes on.
Not one member of the seven-man Arab crew was smart enough to throttle back the engines from their max power setting, so the $200 million brand-new aircraft crashed into a blast barrier, totaling it.
The extent of injuries to the crew is unknown due to the news blackout in the major media in France and elsewhere. Because........
Coverage of the story was deemed insulting to Muslim Arabs.
Finally, the photos are starting to leak out. .
One French Airbus: $200 million dollars
Untrained Arab Flight Crew: $300,000 Yearly Salary
Unread Operating Manual: $300
Aircraft meets retaining wall and the wall wins.
PRICELESS!!!
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 210
GAP said:
Sorry, gotta call partial bullsh!t this one... I got it in an e-mail about 2 years ago. Looked into it, turns out it's somewhat truth, somewhat fabrication (fabrications done by someone with a bit of a racist agenda to get more people on the muslim/arab hate-train)
Snopes did a decent job of explaining the real story.
The media blackout is an outright lie.
If it had been an operational plane with passengers on board, or if some people were killed, guaranteed it would've recieved a lot more coverage than it did. We all know how bloodthirsty the media is....
- Reaction score
- 1,378
- Points
- 1,160
CANADIANS IN HELL
Two guys from Toronto die and wake up in hell.
The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed
in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire. The
devil asks them, “What are you doing? Isn’t it hot enough for you?”
The two guys reply, “Well, you know, we’re from Canada, the land of
snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a
little bit, eh.”
The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns up
the heat.
The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in
parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks them again, “It’s awfully
hot down here, can’t you guys feel it?”
Again the two guys reply, “Well, like we told ya yesterday, we’re
from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy for a
chance to warm up a little bit, eh.”
This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix these two
guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are
wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys
from Canada and finds them in light jackets and bucket hats, grilling
sausage and drinking beer.
The devil is astonished, “Everyone down here is in abject misery, and
you two seem to be enjoying yourselves.”
The two Canadians reply, “Well, ya know, we don’t get too much warm
weather up there in Toronto so we’ve just got to have a cook-out when
the weather’s THIS nice.”
The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he
comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have
been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell.
The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging
everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do
anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth.
The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Canadians.
He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, toques, and mittens.
NOW they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like
mad men!!!
The devil is dumbfounded, “I don’t understand, when I turn up the
heat you’re happy. Now it’s freezing cold and you’re still happy.
What is wrong with you two???”
The Torontonians look at the devil in surprise, “Well, don’t you
know? If Hell freezes over, it must mean the Leafs have won the Stanley Cup.”
Two guys from Toronto die and wake up in hell.
The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed
in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire. The
devil asks them, “What are you doing? Isn’t it hot enough for you?”
The two guys reply, “Well, you know, we’re from Canada, the land of
snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a
little bit, eh.”
The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns up
the heat.
The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in
parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks them again, “It’s awfully
hot down here, can’t you guys feel it?”
Again the two guys reply, “Well, like we told ya yesterday, we’re
from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy for a
chance to warm up a little bit, eh.”
This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix these two
guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are
wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys
from Canada and finds them in light jackets and bucket hats, grilling
sausage and drinking beer.
The devil is astonished, “Everyone down here is in abject misery, and
you two seem to be enjoying yourselves.”
The two Canadians reply, “Well, ya know, we don’t get too much warm
weather up there in Toronto so we’ve just got to have a cook-out when
the weather’s THIS nice.”
The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he
comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have
been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell.
The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging
everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do
anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth.
The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Canadians.
He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, toques, and mittens.
NOW they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like
mad men!!!
The devil is dumbfounded, “I don’t understand, when I turn up the
heat you’re happy. Now it’s freezing cold and you’re still happy.
What is wrong with you two???”
The Torontonians look at the devil in surprise, “Well, don’t you
know? If Hell freezes over, it must mean the Leafs have won the Stanley Cup.”
Similar threads
