Merged Quotes and Sayings Thread; some useful, some junk

[aesop081]

Ahhhh.....CSM LeClair     ;D

Got one from a while back....

Lecturing the troops on JrNCO to pay attention to detail and to set the example.....

I noticed his right epaulete (old ODs) was flipped upside down      

Didn't have the heart to pick him up on it    

....he'd probably tear me a new one    

Regards

Nah....he would be able to remember why he was about to jack you up any longer than the first or second word. he tried to shit on me for being late once and about mid-sentence he asked my why i was so damned early !!

 

[Korus]

Basic, a male recruit says something to a Sgt. I don't remember what it was. The response, however, was classic:

SGT: "Don't tell me how to do my job! I don't go down to the bus depot and kick c*cks out of your mouth, do I?"

 

[childs56]

one summer in Shilo a Major and a Cpl passed pathes.

Major "excuse me their Cpl dont you beleive in saluting officers"

Cpl " sorry sir i thought you were only a Captain"

 

[Lost_Warrior]

I remember while learning drill during Basic, some people had a hard time standing still at attention.  We had a great RMR Mcpl who would say, and I quote, "Move again and i'll rip your f-ing arms off!"

I also remember one inspection where some recruit on my course forgot to put on his epiletts before inspection, so the sec commander doing the inspection said "Are you a general?  Am I supposed to Salute you?  Whats you're f-ing rank ""bloggins (replace bloggins with recruits name)""??  

Also, while having my rifle inspected, a mcpl turns and looks at me and says "it looks like a carbon party in the barrel and everyone's invited"  (classic)

 

[X Royal]

I'm going to hi-jack this thread.

The BEST sayings I ever heard were from Sgt. Major Leclair, RCR, Battleschool in Petawawa

That man has to be known CF wide.   Any Leclair stories would be classic.

I.... fear the man so much, I'm not typing them out!!!
(and.. they're pretty obscene!)

Give me a   break: "Eric ( every second word : F'n ) Leclair" maybe the only man in the Canadian Forces to be permanently posted to training positions because the brass thought the arctic tent fire was a attempt on his life ( actually an accident ). Came into the 1st Bn in 79   from Cornwallis and treated the soldiers like Cornwallis recruits. Lasted one year .
We had an interesting reunion on my ISSC in 1988.

*Edited for spelling only*

 

[meni0n]

If it's the Russian fellow I'm thinking about, pretty much everyone in the comm-res has heard at least one story about him...

He was my roommate last summer on my 3s for a short while until they moved our room upstairs. Did you guys hear the stripper story yet? That guy's hilarious.

 

[dc445]

He was my roommate last summer on my 3s for a short while until they moved our room upstairs. Did you guys hear the stripper story yet? That guy's hilarious.

Do go on..

 

[chrisf]

He was my roommate last summer on my 3s for a short while until they moved our room upstairs. Did you guys hear the stripper story yet? That guy's hilarious.

Definitly the same guy...

 

[bubba]

old leclair,had em as my platoon wo goin through battleschool.NEVER A DULL MOMENT,he called himself ikkebod and us guys were fuckin houseapes.started with 40 guys +- graduated with14 +-.no time out cards back in 85. :evil:

 

[Lost_Warrior]

What's a time out card?

 

[Freddy Chef]

â Å“You look like 10 pounds of sh** stuffed into a 5 pound bag, with a string tied around the middle!â ?

What's a time out card?

A 'get-out-of-jail-free', PC type thingy?

 

[DogOfWar]

old leclair,had em as my platoon wo goin through battleschool.NEVER A DULL MOMENT,he called himself ikkebod and us guys were fuckin houseapes.started with 40 guys +- graduated with14 +-.no time out cards back in 85. :evil:

I hope that was a joke. There are no time out cards now either- that never happened anywhere- it was debunked years ago.

 

[Pte. Bloggins]

He was my roommate last summer on my 3s for a short while until they moved our room upstairs. Did you guys hear the stripper story yet? That guy's hilarious.

Yes, yes I did. I do recall it made it onto your guys' course t-shirt.

 

[someguyincanada]

What's a time out card?

I had them cards on my basic in 01, worst thing ever thought of, some of the horror stories i could tell...

 

[meni0n]

Yes, yes I did. I do recall it made it onto your guys' course t-shirt.

It did. I didn't appreciate being put as the driver of the bus image though. 

 

[Theoat]

Wellsome from my BMQ/SQ were:

1)Mcpl: "Hoooly F*$ing Jeusus troops"

2) recruit to female Mcpl
Recruit: "Mcpl, why don't you ever curl your hair or do something else with it?"
Mcpl: "Would I look like a F*$#ing B*%ch if I had curly hair?"
Recruit: "No...*silence*....."

3) Sgt sayings:
1. Sgt: "Shut your cakeholes"
2. Sgt: "I'm sick of this Sh$t, Take your heads out of your rectums"
3. Sgt: "Sounds like barking prairie dogs" (when someone let a ripper go)

Room Inspections:
1) Cpl:"Don't you wash your soap private?"
Pte: "Yes Cpl (recruit had a shaved head"
Cpl: "Then what kind of hair is this on your soap"
Room: "*Snickers all round*"
Cpl: "What the hell are you laughing at?" (Storms out of room trying to hold back laughter)

2)Situation: Dumb roomate tosses pen cap above cabinets, but ends up landing under his bed before Sgt's inspection.
Sgt: "There's a pen lid under this bed" *Sgt leaves*
Cpl/Mcpl: "Why is there a pen lid under your bed?"
Pte: "I lost it" *picks it up and puts it in his pocket*
Cpl: "Don't put your friend in your pocket.  Would your put Pte.____ and Pte ____ over here in your pocket?"
Pte: "No"
Cpl: "What is your friends name?"
Pte: "Cappi"
Cpl: "How do you spell his name?"
Pte: " C A P P I"
Cpl: "Well from now on you will carry your friend Cappi around everywhere you go and I don't want to see your friend in your pocket"
Then the 2 instructors took turns for about 10 minutes walking in and out of the room as we yelled Room and went back and forth from attention to standing at ease.

3) Situation: Our section was given a rock about 8" x 5" in size and had a painted face on it and was named Mo Rally. This was to be our section moral booster so we had to carry it everywhere. Someone in another section went into a room and stole it and gave it to our section Mcpl. The next day the Mcpl asks for it and we made up an excuse as to why he couldn't see it as we bought time to find it or a way to replace it as we didn't know the whereabouts of it.
We ended up finding another smaller rock, painted it with cam. paint and named it Lil Mo. Next day room inspection.
Mcpl: "Where's my rock?"
Pte: "Here you go Mcpl"
Mcpl: "This isn't Mo rally. What happened to my rock?"
Pte A: "Well Mcpl, Mo rally died giving birth to Lil mo here so we buried HER"
Mcpl: "Is this true Pte. B?"
Pte: Yes Mcpl, He was....... (totally messed up our story since he refered to the rock as a HE)
Mcpl: "Hold on now, you said she gave birth....how can she give birth if you now say it's a HE?"
Pte C: "Mcpl, Pte. B is sexually confused. The other day he was asking us what a hamaphrodite was"
Mcpl: *walks up to Pte. B and looks him in the eye* "Is this true Pte. B?"
Pte B:"No Mcpl"
Mcpl: "I received information from a reliable source that Mo rally was stolen and is being held somewhere. Do you know who or what kind of person might possess the rock?"
Pte C: "One sick F$ck Mcpl"
Mcpl: *holds back grin as he is the one who had it*  "Really Pte C. One sick F$ck hey?"
Pte C: "Yes Mcpl"

 

[GDawg]

Yes, yes I did. I do recall it made it onto your guys' course t-shirt.

Comm Res is a cozy little world isn't it?
Anyone else going on 0501 5's crse this summer?
I hope that particular Russian is gonna be on that one!

This reminded me of a story I heard at CFSCE, and I'm probably going to tell it wrong...

A young soldier was walking along on the grass near the parade square one day, and an RSM happens to spot this,
he leans out the window and yells, " For every step you take on that grass you owe me 10 pushups!"
So the soldier simply drops to the ground and rolls to safety and marches off.

Well, I laughed my ass off the first time I heard it...

 

[Tpr.Orange]

Comm Res is a cozy little world isn't it?
Anyone else going on 0501 5's crse this summer?
I hope that particular Russian is gonna be on that one!

This reminded me of a story I heard at CFSCE, and I'm probably going to tell it wrong...

A young soldier was walking along on the grass near the parade square one day, and an RSM happens to spot this,
he leans out the window and yells, " For every step you take on that grass you owe me 10 pushups!"
So the soldier simply drops to the ground and rolls to safety and marches off.

Well, I laughed my *** off the first time I heard it...

HAHAHAHA now that one is great...

 

[chriscalow]

A young soldier was walking along on the grass near the parade square one day, and an RSM happens to spot this,
he leans out the window and yells, " For every step you take on that grass you owe me 10 pushups!"
So the soldier simply drops to the ground and rolls to safety and marches off.

Well, I laughed my ass off the first time I heard it...

Coffee just sprayed out of nose ALL over screen when I pictured that.  Holy crap that's funny.

 

[Trinity]

WHAT IS IT WITH GRASS

A month into becoming a Padre.. I was up at Borden and I parked my truck in front of
"the oz" as its known to all Log staff..   what ever that Log school is named (slipped my mind)

Instead of walking around the back of my truck, I walk around and take 2 steps across this very
small piece of grass and then it ends and becomes road.   Well this Sgt. driving by throws on his brakes,
rolls down his window...   yells out

YOU... GET OVER HERE....

I think to myself... this will be interesting.... walk over...

DON'T YOU KNOW THAT.....   pause....   see's the rank and cross.....

says NOTHING.. rolls up the window... drives away....

Can't say I abused my position!!! I didn't do a thing.



ok   An excellent JLC story...

The best Charlie Oscar Charlie Kilo.. is when you get it from your own course.
Just before inspection occasionally orders will get changed.   For example.
Gas masks on for inspection..    ok they want to see your gas masks.
But sometimes guys would be jerks..   um.. Closed locker, no wpn.
and of course.. we'd believe them.. and the Sgts would come by and
say   WTF... why aren't you standard...   Not really a funny joke.. but...
ANYWAYS... it leads into this story

1 minute before inspection - P 50 leadership building (it hurts just to type that)
someone yells   BOOTS OFF FOR INSPECTION

um.. no.. i'm not falling for that. Not a chance am i falling for that.

NOBODY took their boots off....  

Instructors arrive..   look at the first room
WHY ARENT YOUR BOOTS OFF.... - turns out they're doing a foot inspection as well
because we were just in the field

I'm the last room in the hallway... they TEAR through the rooms checking to see
if people had their boots off.   Luckily, my room had enough time to get our boots
off before the instructors came in.   We were the only room that didn't get in trouble.

Boots off for inspection?   Never would have believed that one!


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