Is there any hope for a relationship??

[Lane]

Just a question for the reg force guys...  ;D

In "Jarhead" we got to see the infamous marine version of the Wall of Shame. I've heard the Princess Pat's have these too. Any truth here?

 

[Proudarmywife]

I can relate..My husband Is a US soldier..he has been deployed to Iraq for 1 year, came home for a few months and now he is deployed to  Kuwait..I am canadian living in Canada...this is the hardest thing i have ever been through..but here are my 2 cents....yes you can make it work..COMMUNICATION and Trust is the most important thing...Be open with each other and talk about all issues..do not leave anything unresolved..it makes things 10 times worse...I wish you and your bf the best of luck..

 

[The Gues-|-]

I know the two individuals that she has cheated with. They are both army. One of them actually works with him!

I hope people like that are shunned from their Regiments.  This probably happens more than I would like to think, but could anyone from experience tell me what happens to people like that (if anything at all)?

 

[TCBF]

Nothing happens to them.

 

[geo]

(in the past, the officers that the Regiments did not want would be cast off to the Militia)

 

[GO!!!]

Nothing happens to them.

+1

A more common occurance would be the number of members who cheat on their significant others while on taskings/crses/deployments - and are routinely ignored - time after time.

It would be pretty hypocritical to hammer the wives and their playmates while the serving mbrs get away with it far more frequently.

 

[outofsoap]

And it keeps getting worse. yes another one. Oh well.. guess it doesn't matter if its one of fifty in the end.  Yeah... I'd probably say it's a fifty/fifty ratio at least for the cheating.  In this case its pretty lowdown...  all three in the army. one he doesn't know. one he works with. one he is currently deployed with. It's too bad that nothing really does happen to them. 

 

[NavyGirl280]

My husband has been in the Navy for 4 years now. We have only been married for 6 months. There was times when I thought that I would lose him. There was times when I thought there is no way this is the kind of life I want for myself and our children. We have been together a while now and everything couldnt be better. Of course I still miss him like theres no tomorrow when he sails but I also know its his job. Its the life we chose together. We trust one another 120% and we know neither would cheat while he is away. The military is going to throw you through some loops and make you question just about everything they do. You need to remember whatever happens, you can get through it together. My in-laws have been married now for 35 years and they're still going strong. My father-in-law retired in August 2005 after serving for 35 years in the military. He and my mother-in-law married the same year he joined. Now, if anyone can put up with my father-in-law that long and still be married to his thick headed ways, Im sure you guys will be fine.      LOL

There will be some days things will seem as if they're getting worse before getting better but if this is what the both of you want, you can make it happen! I wish the two of you the best of luck in everything that you do


S.Bradbury     

 

[monika]

And it keeps getting worse. yes another one. Oh well.. guess it doesn't matter if its one of fifty in the end.  Yeah... I'd probably say it's a fifty/fifty ratio at least for the cheating.

That's about average though, regardless of career. It isn't just in the military; when I worked in finance as a young and naive 20 something I was stunned at how many "special projects" involved restaurants with intimate lighting and no co-workers...

 

[Navan]

My boyfriend's about to join the CF and I'm just wondering what to expect. I'm in school so I'm not worried about following him around while he's in BMQ or SQ or anything like that, I probably won't be able to join him for about 3 years, but that's exactly why I'm wondering. Is he going to be able to contact me regularily after BMQ? When I go visit him am I allowed to stay with him? I know the first while is going to be hard with not allot of communication, I guess I'm just really overwhelmed by the whole thing. Anyone who'se been throught his with their girlfriends or girlfriends or wives that have been through this I'd really appreciate a little light shed. I figure the more I know what to expect the less worried or confused I'm going to be when he actually leaves.

 

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[patrick666]

I've been with my girlfriend for a year now and I am finishing my recruiting process next Monday and hopefully to Basic Training soon after. I'm also hoping to be stationed in Petawawa but I get what I get.

I made sure she understood that - a) There is going to be long bouts of seperation b) We will be living in different cities until she finishes school c) It will be rough but it will get better d) If she does not feel like she can handle it then we should break up now because I don't want to put her through the experience for no reason or have her break up with me while I'm away e) I may go on tour and I will gone for months, to understand that, yes, I will be able to contact her but not all the time and that I will need her support. The best thing to do is talk with your partner openly and honestly, explain to them the military life. She has 2 years of school left so she says that should help keep her busy while I'm away.

It will be difficult but honesty and communication are key to success. We have a strong connection and I believe we can make it work. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, we only see each other once a week and I usually can't wait. I really hope it all works out.

 

[armyvern]

Then Patrick

You are making wise decisions and choices. Key word in your post is "communicating" and don't ever stop doing that.

By the way, if you're asking for Pet...you'll probably get it. Not too many of us volunteer for that place; they thought I was nuts in Halifax (my first posting as a 'younger' Pte) when I put in a memo saying that I wanted to go to the field and Petawawa; they did let me go though!! Good luck and I hope you get it.

 

[Canadian Sig]

I just don't get the mentality of some of my fellow soldiers. My wife is also in the forces (also a sig) and a few weeks ago she was finishing her 5s course. On the night of her course party she went back to shacks and went to bed ( pretty drunk ) and some bozzo from her course , about an hour later, comes into her room and starts rubbing her back and tries to convince her to have sex with him. Now she has learned a lesson or two; 1. always lock her door at night, 2. Don't get drunk without back-up, and sadly 3. don't trust your fellow comrades.

What I don't get is the mentality that tells this peice of trash that its OK to screw around with another soldiers wife. Not even some civie but the wife of a guy who might be covering your back in battle someday. This kind of crap needs to get hammered on by the CoC. If guys started paying for their lack of morals then maybe some of them would straighten up.

Oh well I have a name and even a face from a course picture......and it's a small trade that we're in :threat:

 

[GO!!!]

This kind of crap needs to get hammered on by the CoC. If guys started paying for their lack of morals then maybe some of them would straighten up.

What, are you going to start giving extra duties to any young Pte (or Lt.) who fornicates outside of marriage? Gets drunk on the weekend? Defends himself a little more vigorously than is prudent?

Also, "some guy" once said, "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" - I assume you have led a flawless life of sober and chaste virtue and labor to make such assertations from on high!

You must be a fine role model!

 

[Jacqueline]

Jenn,
          My high school sweetheart left Ottawa, to qualify in Toronto. He ended up living there, but I understood his situation, and wanted him to know that I supported him 100%. So, I didn't sulk, or cry. But after he left, I felt empty like my soul was vacant and unoccupied. I kind of wish I'd asked him to stay. So, if you feel your relationship might work, run it.

 

[Canadian Sig]

[quote author=GO!!!]
What, are you going to start giving extra duties to any young Pte (or Lt.) who fornicates outside of marriage?[/qoute] Nope

[quote author=GO!!!] Gets drunk on the weekend? [/quote]Nope

[quote author=GO!!!]Defends himself a little more vigorously than is prudent?[/quote]Nope

I will however advocate punishing those who "fornicate" with other soldiers wives. Why??? Because if nothing else it is bad for moral, unit co-hesion and the team in general. I'm fairly sure that it goes against the Principals of Leadership to allow it to happen amongst your subordinates.

[quote author=GO!!!]Also, "some guy" once said, "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" - I assume you have led a flawless life of sober and chaste virtue and labor to make such assertations from on high! [/quote] I'm not likely to pull out my sling-shot and let fly but I can say that I have never done this dis-service to a fellow soldier, and whats more I never will. I can also say that I have never snuck into the room of a drunk married woman and touched her in any way ( fairly sure thats against the criminal code even if it's not against your personal code), and whats more I never will.
[quote author=GO!!!]You must be a fine role model! [/quote]

I think so as ( I hope) do most of the guys who work for me who expect me to cover their backs like a good leader.


More importantly add to that the fact that this soldier needs to hold a level 3 security clearance and he placed himself in a compromising position and he should lose his clearance, and as a result, his job.

 

[patrick666]

If you don't feel you can trust your spouse in regards to carnal desires while you are away then you need to have a serious discussion. Do not leave with problems or what you think are problems. Settle all of your quarrels before you depart. Lay everything on the table, ante up and risk the future because it's her future too. If it's not with you then better sooner than later.

 

[Canadian Sig]

Patrick,

Thanks for the friendly advice. 9er domestic and I are stong as an ox and it's not a real issue. It was more just an observation about what kind of lack of morals attitude seems to be rampant in the military as a whole. You know all the qliches like what happens in____ stays in____. I just think that if you cant trust the guy in the hole next to you to not try to nail your wife while your away then is he even the kind of guy we want to recruit to put in the hole next to you in the first place?

 

[patrick666]

That's true to a point. I wouldn't want to trust my life to somebody I cannot trust. However, if he/she has proven to be a capable and proficient soldier then he does deserve to be a part of the team. I think it would be an issue to be brought up before the COC, I'm not part of the military yet so I'm speaking from a strictly civilian point of view. My girlfriend and I are pretty strong as well and I do trust her to remain faithful and vice versa but sometimes that kind of stuff happens. Lame excuse, I know, but some cannot muster the will power. The soldier in question cannot be solely responsible for it takes 'two to tango' so to speak. If such a situation did occur, I'm sure he or she would be dealt with because that sort of thing travels quickly in a small community.

Again, communication is the key. In that situation, she/he needs to tell you when others are trying to take advantage of her and your absence.