Is there any hope for a relationship??

[ThatsLife]

I'm actually going to be in the same position. I'm joining the Army next year (more like....7 months when I graduate from Highschool) and I told my girlfriend about my decision.

We are together EVERY single day...I drive her to work and pick her up, we do our homework together, then go out and do stuff. We see eachother EVERY single day. We've been together for about a year now and counting all the days we've probably not seen eachother..I would say...12 days out of 365.

I told her about my decision and she said that she'd support me and be here when I got back and then she did the whole crying thing...and I swear something flew into my eye and made them water. I swear! 

It's going to be hard being away from her for 3 years (even though we get..what is it? 20 annual day leaves a year?) but my girlfriend supports me. There's nothing better to hear than your loved one saying they'll be there when you get back and actually support you. Rather than getting ..."Yeah so...umm...I might go clubbing with some friends and get extremely drunk and hopefully nothing happens...but if anything does..you know i'll always love you...and yeah..we'll go our seperate ways."

My friends cousin is still going out with his first girlfriend that he started to date in grade NINE..and they're both in different colleges in different provinces. They're 20 or so now...I believe.

Your relationship will last, I gurantee it. The most important thing is communication. You get that down, and you it'll work. I virtually promise you.

-Emilio    :skull:

 

[ArmyGirlfriend19]

hello again,

I am glad to hear that you GF supports you and that you have been together a long time...like you I just finished high school this year and have started university. I wish you and ur GF the best of luck and tell her to use this message board for the first few days...it help me a great deal and these days are the one i found the hardest... well talk to you later Jenn

 

[Mappy]

​

I'm going through the same thing right now. My boyfriend is starting week 3 at St. Jean.  Its not too bad though!

 

[ArmyGirlfriend19]

hello,

Thanks for the comfort, my boyfriend is now in week 6 and i am ok with him being away it is getting better now. It was tough for the first few weeks for me (when I made this post, however since then I have met many new people through this board that have helped me get through. Thanks Shadow cat) Well i am on this topic i would just like to personnally thank everyone for their help. well i wish you the best and thanks again jenn

 

[Shadow Cat]

Awww.  How sweet.  You have helped me out as well.  It is so comforting to know that there is someone else in this world that has all of the same mixed emotions and feelings that you have and understands what you are going through. 

Meet you on MSN  !

 

[ArmyGirlfriend19]

thanks I'll see you on MSN forsure...talk to you later...Jenn

 

[Roy Harding]

Our 25th anniversary is coming up next month.

I was in the Army for most of that time, my wife joined the CF after I became a Sergeant - I've done seven overseas tours, my wife two.

We've raised three sons, one is now a Mechanical Engineer, another is a Psychologist (trying to understand his parents, I guess), and the third is in his third year of University, working toward a BSc in Nursing.

We both retired in 2004, for reasons not worth getting into here - those reasons had nothing to do with our personal relationship.

To paraphrase a favourite quote of mine - "What didn't kill our relationship made it stronger".  My wife and I enjoy one of the strongest relationships I've ever seen.

Did we go through rough times??  You bet.  Was I an ever an idiot - placing Regiment (Airborne, in my case) before family??  You bet.  Did my wife ever get angry with me??  You bet.  Were we committed to each other, willing to put up with (at the time, we hoped temporary) idiocy from each other (not to mention the Army)??  You bet.

If you and your boy friend are COMMITTED to each other, and I don't mean when everything is wine and roses, I mean when you're dead broke, don't know where the next meal is coming from, the collection agencies are bugging you hourly, and two of the babies are sick with the flu,  then it doesn't matter what you do for a living - your commitment will see you through.

Having a spouse who actually STANDS for something (like a soldier committed to his country, for instance), however, can make the rough patches smoother - your pride in his/her service can help you overlook some of his/her temporary weaknesses and faults.

IMHO - the military is a wonderful and paradoxical thing - it makes weak relationships weaker, and strong relationships stronger.  It will NOT, however, make weak relationships stronger, or vice versa.

Now, all you've got to do is figure out if your relationship is strong or weak.  Can't help you there - YOU've got to decide.

 

[Pea]

We had been together for 4.5 years when my ex-boyfriend left for basic training. I was devastated that he was leaving me for so long for training so far away. I did understand why he was joining and was really proud of him for it, which made it easier for sure.

BMQ was really hard on us. We had spent the previous 4.5 years together and had made all life decisions together, and experienced everything in high school together. We were high school sweethearts, had been together since we were 13. We both graduated high school June 04, he went off to the army and I moved 8 hours to go to college. Both of us being in a totally new world, without each other, made it pretty hard. We got through basic though, with many tearful phone calls (on my part mostly) and a lot of encouraging words from the other. When he got home from Basic, it was amazing how good it felt to be around him. It was always good, but now it felt like I had to absorb every minute I was with him. I didn't take anything for granted. He was home for a week, and then was off to Borden for PAT platoon.

After 6 months away from eachother, we did end up breaking up. I do not believe that this really has too much to do with the military though. Sure it was the reason that we were not living in even the same province, but this could have happened for many reasons. I believe we were young and I guess even naive. We had just hit the 5 year mark a week earlier, and it made us look at our relationship and wonder what happens now. I of course, wanted to marry him and had been pressuring him for it. He however, being young and never really been single, was hesitant about making a decision like this. I believe we broke up because we were young, and not too sure what we really wanted. I don't blame any of this on him being in the military, this would have happened whether he had moved here to be with me or whether he was away in Borden with the military. We started to grow as individuals now that we were out on our own, and unfortunately we grew without each other.

People's lives changed and sometimes you forget that relationships take a lot of work. I guess we just expected that because things were so great when he left, that they would always be like that. Like I said, we were young and naive. Relationships take work!! I guess I truly believe that if we are meant to be, then we will end up together. (is this me being young & naive again??)

If you truly want it to work, then it will work. Just remember it takes work, and it is worth the effort! Remember to take time to show that you care any chance you get. It helps when your so far away and may have doubts about it all.

I don't know if this will help anyone or not, but I thought I would share my personal experience just in case.

 

[camochick]

My parents have been married for 26 years, 15 of which were when my father was in the military. Sure they had disagreements, at one point they almost split up(which had more to do with the loss of a child than the military) but they always had the rule of "never go to bed mad", which carried over to never get off the phone angry when dad was away or never leave for a trip(my dad flew on the herc as a traffic tech which meant he was gone alot) angry. They also realized that compromise was going to be needed if they wanted to be together so my father told my mother that if she followed him around during his military career they would move back to NB when he retired and although he wanted to come out west for the better opportunities he kept his word and they live in NB near my mothers family. Things can work if you put a little effort into it and at the end of the day if you tried your hardest and things didnt work out then you can look back and atleast know that you tried your best. Anyhow, thats my 0.02 cents on relationships and the military.

 

[ArmyGirlfriend19]

hello,
I want to thanks everyone once again for their stories..they have helped a lot...as well just to let you know my boyfriend is now entering week 9 and things could not be better also just to let you know you are all right about one thing that relationships are only what you make out of it, if you work at it, it will workout...thanks again...Jenn

 

[1feral1]

Yes, I am divorced, and Ex Wife No.1's hate for the Army, and its culture was a main player in the demise of my relationship.

I have since learned from my mistakes (and others).

So, next time around, when things became   'serious'   I made sure that my now 'Defence Recognised Defacto Partner' would accept the sometime demanding schedule I have, enjoy the mixed dining-in nights, sometimes long days, and when I have to go away.

She understands totally, and is 110% supportive of all this job, culture,and lifestyle it demands, and after well over 5 yrs together we get along quite well. On the home front, she just comes to realise the madness/mayhem of when I have parties (there has been some crazy ones), and socialises at mixed events and other outings.

She quite enjoys the culture she experiences, and is often frustrated at the red tape, politics, and BS which we often encounter in the military life. She does not like it when I often disappear for weeks on end, but knows I'll be in touch when I can, and knows that I have organised things the best I can when she is by herself. neighbours, and friends, and the Unit are always there for her support, but I know she does not like being alone, and thats fair enough.

Like in any relationship. good communication, understanding and comprimise are paramount to success. I am sure if you are serious with this guy, you'll work things out. Hey, if I can keep a relationship going, anyone can. For those that know me, you can only agree. The questuion is, will I ever get married again? We'll see. Once bitten twice shy. I am happy where things are right now.

Good luck, and here is a pic of us.

Cheers,

Wes

 

[ArmyGirlfriend19]

hello
i just wanted to say thanks you have al lbeen very inspirational.....Jenn

 

[i_was_issued_a_husband]

Jenn
          It is going to be hard, I know.  My entire family has been in the military at one point in their life.  I was a single mom in the reserves 5 years ago, but thankfully I decided to go to the annual family day with my unit.  It was there that I met my husband.  He is the most wonderful and irritating man all at the same time, just be prepared for the military life.  The relationships that don't work are are because the person in the relationship who isn't military doesn't understand the "crap" the other goes through.  There will be times (like with my hubby lol) when in a 6 month stretch you will only see him for about 6 weeks, and thats only a few hours a day.  Just hold your head up and look at the pictures and watch a sappy movie to let the frustration of him being gone out lol.  Good luck, and try to understan what hes going through, because chances are its harder on him being away from you and trying to deal with the stress than it really is on you.  I have been on both sides, so I have a little insight on what he goes through. Good luck and I wish you both all the happiness in the world.

 

[762gunner]

    In Wainwright... Strike One.

    Male... Strike Two.

    Over 40... Strike Three.

    In the military with all of the above... what's the point of looking forward to retirement?

    Sorry, just had to blow off steam.  Cheers.

 

[maggiemagooo]

hey Jenn..well i think you've heard it all from the rest of the gang...if it's meant to be , it will be! Relationships take work no matter what ...no matter who you are or what you're doing , you have to work at relationships...it's a give and take deal.
I have friends who are in the military , who are in relationships, some are good and some are bad...
Just remember to keep your eyes wide open...you have decided to be with a certain guy and his job will demand certain things of him and you. Make sure you are honest with yourself about whether or not you can handle the demands of his job. Also, sit down and look to the future and honestly decide if this is the what you want in a relationship. Understand that he will be away from you sometimes, long and short periods...are you independant enough in your life to carry on without him being there? Sometimes we don't realize how much we really need to have that loved one with us, on an everyday basis, until they are not around.You can't say you'll support him and then start complaining that you guys don't spend time together...that just adds to his stress, and it will eventually build a wall between you.
If you do decide that you are ok with it all, then great....make you sure you have hobbies, and friends around to keep you busy, instead of sitting at home crying cause you're lonely.That's probably the #1 cause of breakups int the military.
I wish you both the best of luck...be honest with each other, and yourselves ...and keep the communication lines open!!!
Oh ya...you are not the only one who has to put forth the effort either..it has to be both ways.

maggie

 

[ArmyGirlfriend19]

hello,

well i just got back from Jean's graduation and it was probably the most admazing thing that i have ever see him do...it is truly wonderful to see doing that and to understand how hard he worked to reach that point...well when i started this questionare i truly wasn't sure if I could handle this whole idea of jean being away but the truth is, is that if you really believe in something it will work out...I know alot of people are scared like i once was...but truthfullly the army has broughten us closer then we have ever been before...
so with that thought i would share what the army has tought me...

that you should live life each day to the fullest (truthfully do this gett out with friends alot and just have fun, try something new that you have never done before) trust me when their away this works out really well.

you should aways charish the days that you have together b/c they are limited...unlike other relationships we don't have that comfort of them always being there...however this has tought me one of the most important things, that i have learned to be a more independent person.

another thing is that we have become more open with each other since we are not together we have learned to communicate with each other like never before...(trust me this is one thing that i charish most)

the most important thing that i have learned is that, if we both work at this our love is stronget then anything...like mappy said it takes both of you to achieve this...

and with that in mind i have obtained to my own answer to my question can relationships work out!!!

of course and each story can have a happy ending or a great beginning...just to let you know how my situation work out i am now engaged to my BF which is now my Fiancee...he purposed the night before graduation...and with that i wish you all the best of luck...jenn

 

[Mappy]

i am now engaged to my BF which is now my Fiancee...

Congrats to both of you!

 

[ArmyGirlfriend19]

Thank you veyr much i am very excited!!!

 

[IBM]

I guess I could have asked "Do chicks really dig the uniform?", but that sounds kind of juvenile. I just want to get some insight if anyone thinks having a military career has a impact on your chances of finding a significant other? Does anyone think it makes a difference if you had chosen a regular civvie career instead?

I'm sure the effects of deployments & postings and such are an impact on families & loved ones, but I'm specifically wondering if anyone finds that it would turn people off right away finding out your chosen profession when you're just trying to develop a relationship.

 

[Patrolman]

  This depends based on were you are posted. Some areas of the country have a high regard for the military while others do not.
  I have heard stories about girls being warned to stay away from guys in uniform during their campus brief at UNB and St.Thomas universities in Fredericton N.B. Apparently every soldier at CFB Gagetown is infected with diseases they picked up while on missions overseas.
I have known people who have kept their job a secret before in hopes of a establishing a relationship before revealing their job specifics. In my opinion if a girl sees your service to Canada as a turn off then she is not worth having anyway.
In regards to the style of the Dress uniform itself, my wife tells me it is definately ready for revamping.