Relationship Matter...Help Needed

[bridges]

From http://www.collectionscanada.gc.ca/eppp-archive/100/201/301/tbs-sct/tb_manual-ef/Pubs_pol/hrpubs/Pensions/PBDA_e.html

Q. Can the member's pension benefits be divided if the member is receiving a retirement pension at the time of the division?

A. Yes. The member's pension benefits, including any present or future annuity, allowance or return of contributions, are subject to division regardless of whether or not benefits are being paid at the time of the division.

Thanks for the ref.  It's interesting, as the future spouse would have had NO part in the earning of said income (maintaining the household, whatever) - the CF service was over & done before they even met.  I'd thought that the spouse's "contributions in kind", towards earning the income in the first place, formed the rationale for pension division.

Q. What does the Pension Benefits Division Act (PBDA) do?

A. The PBDA provides a mechanism for dividing pension benefits acquired under a federal Public Service pension plan between the plan member and his or her spouse or former spouse on the breakdown of their marriage or common-law relationship.

What's not clear to me is, does "acquired" mean earned, or paid?

I think a phone call to the number at the bottom of their website is in order.  Thanks again. 

 

[Remius]

I can't say this enough.  If and when you get married or chose to live with someone, get a pre-nup or a co-habitation agreement in place.  escpecially if it's your second  or third or fourth go around to protect things like your pension, your home and whatever else.  Sounds callous I know but in this day and age "love" does not always last.

 

[bridges]

I can't say this enough.  If and when you get married or chose to live with someone, get a pre-nup or a co-habitation agreement in place.  escpecially if it's your second  or third or fourth go around to protect things like your pension, your home and whatever else.  Sounds callous I know but in this day and age "love" does not always last.

:goodpost:  Agreed.  You just never know what will happen - addiction, affairs, maybe simply growing apart. 

A friend of mine is paying child support to her ex, as he's on disability and makes far less than she does.  They share custody of the kids.  She's barely making ends meet in a small townhouse, while he's having a new house built.  ??  Yes, there's always more than meets the eye - but I often wonder about those financial "tables" for child support, and what the true impact is on each parent.  I hope the OP seeks professional advice asap. 

 

[Remius]

Bridges, those tables are ridiculously outdated and designed for a time when women were not as prevalent in the workforce and bore the brunt of running a household raising kids etc.  In my situation even with me having our child 40% of the time, she would still pay me an absurd amount of money that would only make her worse off in regard to our child.  I make a decent salary (nowhere near what she makes mind you).  I could have raked her over the coals in that regard but, we came to an understanding in regards to our son's needs, activities etc.  Everything is on a case by case basis and we split the costs or cover whatever he needs in an agreeable manner.  So she might pay for most of his sports activities and clothes, I cover his school supplies and RESP contributions, food is covered by each of us (i can easily buy for two for just about the same amount for one), she makes his school lunches, he has dinner with me etc etc.  It works for us.  Had I taken advantage of the current child support payments, given our situation, I would have done more harm than good.  I litteraly told my lawyer that those costs given on that table, when we looked at them, were absolutely ridiculous and wasn't going to force that.

I realise that not everyone is in the same boat but they need to find a better gradiant scale for couples that earn good livings.

 

[bridges]

Crantor, I suspect you're right about those tables.  I'm impressed with how your family has addressed things in a logical, mutually supportive way for your particular circumstances.  I only hope that if I'm ever in that situation, we can keep our 'mature' hats on and do likewise. 

I wonder if anyone's looking at actually updating those tables to reflect the modern reality.  :rofl:  Probably not. 

 

[oink]

Thanks everyone for your replies so far. I have a question for you

If she is saying she wants to keep the house and buying me out, what things can I use for negotiations considering we have joint line of credit debts. Can I use spousal support to my advantage, and how do you get your name of the mortgage payment with the bank?

 

[newwifey]

You are getting WAY too far ahead of yourself here. 

However, I'm a little confused.  In your original post you asked what happens if she cannot afford a lawyer?  How can she afford a house then??  Your comments have me asking me more questions than what can be answered.  It's the banker in me seeing the gaps.

Have you spoken to a lawyer yet or at least looked up the laws where you are so you can familiarize yourself with the steps needed to at least begin the process?

As far as your latest questions, I'd list all your assets and all the liabilities, determine what you'd like to have.  Have her do the same.  There's your starting point.

As for the mortgage, nothing you can do right now.  Later on though, you or she would have to re-qualify in your own name. 

 

[The Anti-Royal]

The advice you'll get here is worth exactly what you're paying for it.  Your situation is different from everyone else's on this site, and that's why you need to speak to a lawyer as soon as possible.

The money you will spend protecting your interests and those of your children will be worth it.

 

[oink]

Thanks everyone for your input.....update from last time

The spouse started a full-time job yesterday which is a good thing I guess. I take the toddler to school/daycare in the morning and she picks him up. I did speak to a lawyer for 1hr as suggested and laid it all on the table.

I was told I "might" have to pay child support for the stepdaughter (going on 17yrs) and was shown the table with the amount for 2 kids. She also spoke to her lawyer I guess and she keeps telling me that it is the law and there is nothing I can do about it. I mentioned to her that she will have to prove that I acted "In proviso as a father" before that flies

Being that I never adopted the kid and was never allowed to discipline or make decision of the child's future, I don't see how all of a sudden she wants me to pay CS? There is a case out the : Chartier vs Chartier 1999 that keep coming up in my research (a father appealed a CS order for a stepchild)

She has however agreed that the house can be sold in 2-3yrs when am posted. I have no plan to move out now as it's not feasible for me and have been advised to stay in the house even though she keeps insisting that I move out.

There is a big line of credit debt that needs to be paid, along with mortgage and car payment.

I don't see a table for spousal support, another thing she is talking about planning to get from me. Is this possible and how is this worked out considering she now has a full-time job?

 

[newwifey]

You should probably go speak to that lawyer again 

Child support for the step daughter may NOT be applicable by the time you get around to the actual divorce part if she's all ready 17.  However, if she goes to college or university, you may still have to assist.  I would suggest that after a ten year marriage, you'd have a tough time proving you aren't involved with the stepdaughter at all as a parent figure.  (if there is child support being received from her bio-dad, the obligation lies less with you)

If divorce is really what you are trying to accomplish here, you can still have papers drawn up stating the date of separation (so the clock begins) divorce cannot be completed until after a year.  It should state that you ceased cohabiting but continued to live in the same house blah, blah, blah  You aren't still sleeping together are you?  If you are, you are still cohabitating.  Just so you know.

Google spousal support with children calculator, it will give you an idea of ranges.  But don't take it as gospel, this one is crazy complicated!  Yes, she is entitled to receive it due to the fact that you were married for 10+ years.  It's a new job (and likely not a career, but that is an assumption on my part).  If this was being calculated today, would have zero bearing on the conversation.  The lawyers will look at the last 3 years of tax returns, for a start.  But your lawyer would likely be including clauses that trigger adjustments for various life events in your divorce agreement.

Here is the link to the Guidelines, it's a lot of reading http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/pi/fcy-fea/spo-epo/g-ld/spag/toc-tdm.html

But really, you'll have to start dishing out the cash for legal representation.  Every case is different and has different mitigating factors, you have many!!

A mediator might be a good place to begin??? 

From personal experience: Try to remember you did love (and marry) this lady and she is the mother of your child.  Try to play nice.  It makes it a much easier process if you are both respectful and somewhat dignified and adult like.  You will be interacting together for the rest of your life, you share a child.  Nasty words and actions just make it that much harder to reach a final agreement and will cost you oodles more money in the end.  Plus it makes it darn near impossible to co-parent.

 

[bridges]

From personal experience: Try to remember you did love (and marry) this lady and she is the mother of your child.  Try to play nice.  It makes it a much easier process if you are both respectful and somewhat dignified and adult like.  You will be interacting together for the rest of your life, you share a child.  Nasty words and actions just make it that much harder to reach a final agreement and will cost you oodles more money in the end.  Plus it makes it darn near impossible to co-parent.

Good advice, especially this part.  MP inbound.

 

[jemgirl]

:goodpost:  Agreed.  You just never know what will happen - addiction, affairs, maybe simply growing apart. 

A friend of mine is paying child support to her ex, as he's on disability and makes far less than she does.  They share custody of the kids.  She's barely making ends meet in a small townhouse, while he's having a new house built.  ??  Yes, there's always more than meets the eye - but I often wonder about those financial "tables" for child support, and what the true impact is on each parent.  I hope the OP seeks professional advice asap.

Scary.
I'm falling for a soldier and worried and excited at the same time.
Curious how relationships within military work? its hard as it is being a civi trying to hold the fort together...

 

[PuckChaser]

Scary.
I'm falling for a soldier and worried and excited at the same time.
Curious how relationships within military work? its hard as it is being a civi trying to hold the fort together...

My wife had no military family members when she married me, and knew that being a CAF member was who I was. My salary thankfully allows her to stay at home and raise our 2 small kids, and the military "family" gives her as much support as she needs if I'm away. If you truly care for this soldier, and are willing to make it work for the long-haul, then you'll be set. There are unique situations that the military life will present, but the information (including this forum) is there to help you get through it.