Problems on the eve of enrollment

[casing]

Well, I'm set to swear-in on Aug 25th and depart to IAP on Sept 11.   I thought everything was squared away in the personal life about this but recently (as in just this past week) my wife has been freaking out.   She can't seem to get the idea of out her head that I'm leaving.   I mean leaving, ne'er to return!   We are talking about a 3-month separation here.   She's had some issues in her life with her father always taking off on her mother while he worked oil rigs around the world--eventually they split for good.   Now just a few weeks ago her dad moved to another country.   Her mom also lives in another country.   So local family support is extremely limited, to say the least.   Now I'm set to take off for a bit.   I understand the stress she's going through, but I think she's being completely unreasonable and just refuses to see the long-term benefits of the short-term sacrifice.  

She's pulling out all the stops to get me to pull out and cancel my enrollment.   Leaving her is not an option, and if I can't get this sorted out I'll have to withdraw my enrollment.   I don't know what to do.   Any words of wisdom for me?

 

[Scott]

Casing, I left home a few years ago to move to Alberta. I had just celebrated 2 years with my girlfriend and she was freaked as well. She thought I was just going to move on and forget about her, there were many tears and fights, all of the stuff I am sure you are going through. Now, three and a half years after that she says she feels like an idiot for how she acted. We were apart for 3 months, then 4 and four between visits. Now we are together and she sees how it all worked out and she has no problem when I take off for forest fires, blowouts, etc. We've even looked into work overseas, she's that confident. My point is: I think that if you can get through the initial screaming and bickering then you're home free. If you can't, then you have a decision to make, leave her or your enrollment. Chances are she will see that it's not as bad as it seems as the time to your signing counts down.

I know I am glad I never gave into the pressure.

Just thoughts

Cheers

 

[CDNBlackhawk]

you will gone for 10 weeks, just over 2 months..
Around the 5th week your platoon will be given weeknd leave, you can either go see your wife or she can come and see you. you will have to write a letter to the CO in the proper context to get any kind of leave though.

On the tenth week you will graduate, your wife can and should come to see you for the graduation ceremonies.

Like i said this is 2 months, how is she gonna feel when you are gone for 6-7 months while on tour, maybe only seeing her once out of that 6 months.


My advice, if this is something you truly really want, then go through with it and don't look back, your wife is gonna have to learn to deal with you being away for extended periods of time.


I am also pretty sure the CF will move your family to where ever you get posted at their expense, but don't quote me on that.

Anyways.. i hope everything works out for you!!

 

[Scott]

Casing, since you were in before, you have probably already heard what I am going to say.

Asking for compassionate leave for anything other than a death or serious illness may put a mark on you, that's what I was told when I had lady problems during basic. My section commander convinced me to soldier on and drive through it, I did, broke up with the girl a year later and have been happy ever since.

The moral? Girls are evil.............. :rage:

I'm sorry that I try to be humorous, just having some fun on my own

Just thoughts

Cheers

 

[CDNBlackhawk]

sorry i didn't realise you have already been in the CF, I basically just told you everything you already new,

 

[Scott]

Read profiles, you must, mmmmmmmmmmmm.

It's no biggie. No worries

 

[291er]

Casing

One other thing you have to think of, something I am going through right now in fact.  How is your wife going to react when you get deployed.  I say when not if, because the reality in today's Forces is that pretty much everyone is getting deployed.  We have too many committments abroad and not enough bodies. 
One thing you don't need is for this to happen while you are overseas, it's happened to too many guys before, and it can affect how you act over there and potentially affect your mission.  All of us who have wives or significant others have had this problem atleast once, I guess you just have to prioritize.
cheers

291er sends...

 

[jonsey]

Well, that sucks.  I hope everything works out for the best.







It's things like this why I'm glad I'm a geek, I don't have to worry about my sig. other being scared about my joining.

 

[K. Ash]

Shit Casing....I  recognize, I really do. I've delt with a very similar situation. And the one thing I know is even if she might not understand or get upset...you got to stand by what you feel is right and punch through. Hopefully she will preciate your conviction and determination.


Good luck!

 

[Jarnhamar]

She's pulling out all the stops to get me to pull out and cancel my enrollment.  Leaving her is not an option, and if I can't get this sorted out I'll have to withdraw my enrollment.  I don't know what to do.  Any words of wisdom for me?

This is really unfortuinate your wife has those kinda issues. I'm sure no one will fault her for it.

What are you going to do the rest of your life though? Are you going to get a carreer that will never take you away from home?  Will you get a job that never comes close to putting you in danger?  Maybe sit in an office at some crap ass company doing data entery?  Theres lot a lot of work out there man. I don't know your education or experience BUT i can guarentee finding guarenteed employment (even for 3 years at a time) with that they pay you in the army AND all the hollidays will be pretty hard.

 

[OLD SCHOOL]

Tell her everything is fine and you cancelled your life's ambition/passion...you will stay with her. >

Then, tell her you are going out to pick up milk and don't come back for 2 months.

Kind of like the old tower days...come here jumper, I won't touch you...just stand near the door and look.

Sometimes we all need a push from behind.

You might find this strange but I am not a counselor...go figure.
Seriously though, you will do what is right...just make sure you are right with it.

 

[K. Ash]

Old school you just got promoted. l

 

[alexk]

Casing my moms boyfreind is a chopper pilot(civie) right now hes flying in south afrca and wont be back till mid december, they are usualy inseperable. But she realises that its a career that has good pay and offers alot, kinda like the army. You say your going to be a pilot explain exerything, 5 years from now she will be living on base with you realising that those 10 weeks plus trades and all that other training will be nothing. she will realise you have security and quit possibly a nice pention in a few years. well im out good luck

 

[kiltedtradesman]

Try calling Member Assistance Program 1-800-268-7708

http://www.forces.gc.ca/health/services/engraph/member_assist_program_home_e.asp  


I had to call them the last time I was banned from this site. :dontpanic: :dontpanic: :dontpanic: :dontpanic: :dontpanic: :dontpanic: :dontpanic: :dontpanic:

 

[Scott]

Tell her everything is fine and you cancelled your life's ambition/passion...you will stay with her. >

Then, tell her you are going out to pick up milk and don't come back for 2 months.

Kind of like the old tower days...come here jumper, I won't touch you...just stand near the door and look.

Sometimes we all need a push from behind.

You might find this strange but I am not a counselor...go figure.
Seriously though, you will do what is right...just make sure you are right with it.

My wife just walked past and happened to get a glimpse of Old School's wisdom, SHE LAUGHED. Said that's what she'd do now!!!

 

[combat_medic]

Since you mentioned that leaving her is not an option, then you have to make a few decisions. Obviously the separation anxiety is an issue, and will likely continue to be an issue for a long time. With the CF you will have to go away for exercises, courses and deployments throughout your career that will vary in length from a few days to a matter of months. If she is going to fight you tooth and nail every single time you have to go away, then it's going to make both your lives miserable. If you're able to see a counsellor or work out a mutually agreeable arrangement in which the separation is not a big issue, then that's obviously the ideal situation. If you can't work something out, then you may want to reconsider your deicision to join the CF or to stay in this relationship.

 

[casing]

Thanks everyone for the advice. Everything is back to normal now. Seems that my wife had some medication last week that that had some lousy side effects and caused all the fuss.  It's out of her system now, thankfully!

Thanks again for the support.

 

[Sheerin]

Good luck

 

[Jarnhamar]

In the blink of an eye shes "back to normal"

Dude you should keep track if and when your wife is on medication and the side effects...