Phonies!!!

[RorerQuaalude]

I figure I just have to share this with everyone, because, needless to say I found it quite funny! Yesterday I was talking to someone who claimed to be a reservist Corporal in an electronic warfare unit. Needless to say, sure I initially gave him the benefit of the doubt, but soon the phoniness started showing. Here's basically what our conversations were:

ME: So, in your unit, what courses did you need to get your second hook
HIM: Courses? What courses? I didn't need to take any courses.
ME *shaking head*: So you're saying no QL4 or trade courses?
HIM: You don't need courses for anything but officer stuff
ME: So....yea....how about....those.... C7A1's?
HIM: They're such garbage, they jam all the time.
ME: Well if that's the case, you're not cleaning your weapon enough.
HIM: It has nothing to do with cleaning, it has to do with a badly designed weapon
ME: <silence> Right. So.....yea....well, then, what's your procedure for the weapon stopping with the bolt partially forward?
HIM: Pull that handle thing behind the iron sights, dig the round out and tap on the clip bottom
ME: I see, well the way I was taught was (indicates procedure for a partially forward stoppage)
HIM: You think you'd do that in the field? No. You (indicates his way of removing stoppages).
ME: So what exactly do you do in the field?
HIM: Escort the LACV's (I later looked up that acronym and found out that it's a hovercraft) and send co-ordinates
ME: Don't you mean the Coyote?
HIM: Coyote? What's that, is it new?
ME (patronizing him at this point for comedy value): So yea, is it a tough job?
HIM: Oh yea, it's impossible to hear anything with the noise of battles, and we have to relay co-ordinates.
ME: Well, the herbies have to live with that all the time, and they do quite well
HIM: Herbies?
ME: Arty
HIM: You mean the armour?
ME: No, Artillery
HIM: Nah they don't have to deal with having to listen for co-ordinates over battle noise
ME *in shock from the last comment*: Well last I checked, they have to deal with fire orders, and artillery isn't exactly quiet as a whisper when it's firing
HIM: Yea...well
Here's where I decided to test him using my meager military knowledge (read: what they've taught me so far in basic)
ME: So, yea, say you're on parade, and you're ordered to Present Arms, what *would* the timing be?
HIM: You count down from 10 to zero.
ME: Ah, I see, I'm sure the RSM would love that
HIM: We don't have RSM's in the Canadian Army.
ME: I'm positive we have RSM's in the Forces
HIM: Nah, that's American

Needless to say the conversation went on like this, until I got so tired of hearing the bulls*it that I left. Those phonies *shakes fist*, what a funny lot. The only thing he's the Corporal of, is his Counter-Strike section.....but then again I'm sure he'd say something like 'It's not a section, it's called an element'. If anyone else has good stories about phonies, please share them. They're always worth a laugh....and a head shake of pity.

 

[Inch]

Sounds a lot like a conversation that I had with some guy claiming to have been a CF pilot. Except I'm a little more forward with calling BS sometimes.

Conversation went something like this:
"I was a CF pilot"
"Oh yeah? What'd you fly?"
"F16's"
"No you didn't"
"Yes I did"
"Where'd you fly them?"
"Cold Lake"
"No you didn't"
"Are you calling me a liar?"
"Yep, we don't have F16s and we never have had them"
"Well I flew them"
"Sure you did"
"Well, whatever"

Then he walked away. Honestly, what dumbass would try to bullshit a pilot about being a pilot? Maybe he thought I was lying, who knows.

 

[Gouki]

Count down from 10 ... hahah ... I'd love to see that on a parade square.

 

[Radop]

Count down from 10 ... hahah ... I'd love to see that on a parade square.

Thats what the RSM would have to do not to kill the kid!

 

[1feral1]

Recently we had a guy who was awarded the OAM (our version of a MBE etc) legitimently thru surf lifesaving, but then it was later discovered he was posing as a SAS Viet Nam Vet with medals and stories to boot. For years, attending RSL ANZAC marches, and even a member of the SAS Assn.

He has been NATIONALLY humiliated on page one of every newspaper and now there as action to have his OAM revoked.

The whole thing about his SAS and Viet Nam service is quite sickening actually.

Cheers,

Wes

 

[Sh0rtbUs]

A young Cadet Sgt. in my school was going around telling everyone he was a Sgt. in the Reserves. He wore fake CADPAT to school, and often wore a Gortex jacket (not issued) with American Sgt. Chevrons sewed on the arm. He actually thought he was pulling it off...

I saw him regularly, but said nothing. I found it kinda funny actually. My friends knew I was in the reserves, and I explained to them the comic relief in this poor soul's claims, and we all agreed that it would prove to offer far more entertainment value if we simply let him dig a hole, and once he struck sea level, bury him.

he went on for QUITE some time, with wild stories of his hard-core days in the Army, showing up the yanks, training with JTF2...etc. You name it, he'd done it.  It was clear he was simply shooting for shock value, and I began to feel that it had gone on long enough as his stories were beginning to reflect badly on the CF in which he claimed to serve.

I then learned from some friends of mine, that he was claiming he was on his way to Iraq this summer. So many things wrong with this story, I wont even go into detail.

I approached him, and began to set him straight.  Never said i myself was in, but simply called every lie that came to mind out and shot it out of the water like a ducky with a .22 (right down to his dress and deportion)

he went on the defence, so rather than argue with him, I asked what trade and Unit. It was a CSS unit here in Toronto. I happen to know someone from that Unit, a Cpl.** 

I proceeded to tell him that i would be relaying everything this fellow had claimed to this Cpl. in hopes to verify the stories. (I remained very civil and respectful throughout this). I then told him, my rank and Unit.

his face went white, he knew this Cpl. and this Cpl. definatly knew him. Suffice to say, he came clean and suffered alot from peers for his mistake. But, better them than the guys at the unit once they heard of what a cadet was spreading about them.

**The kicker is, the Cpl. that I threw out there wasnt even a good friend of mine, more like a guy I had spent 10 minutes talking to in June and had for some reason remembered his name. I never relayed his name to anyone, mostly because he seemed to suffer enough that day. He stopped the stories, lost alot of respect, and me and my friends had to find a new source of entertainment to help pass the day.  ;D

 

[arctictern]

This reminds me of a guy I knew in high school, he was a chronic liar... He was the kind of guy who lies to get out of a lie. When I told him about my decision to join the forces he told me how he is the reserves... I knew for a fact that he wasn't so I tested him by asking simple questions about basic training that I found on the CF site. I almost fall to the floor laughing when I asked him to tell me his service number, he tried to explain to me how the army gave him a "temporary service number" so he couldn't tell me what it is.

 

[Korus]

Hey Inch, I'm an F-19 pilot.


People will always BS.. It's kind of funny sometimes....

 

[Radop]

Hey Inch, I'm an F-19 pilot.


People will always BS.. It's kind of funny sometimes....

lmao

I have done signals set up for FAC missions both on ex and on deployments.  I have seen some interesting aircraft but never an F-19.  Could you send me a picture.  lol

 

[big bad john]

Wasn't F-19 Stealth Fighter a computer game?  LMAO

 

[Bert]

Yeah, F-19 was a computer game before the real aircraft was publically known as the F-117A.  The game's
manufacturers re-named it to F-117A later.

I loved the carrier landings.

A number of years ago I pulled a phonie too.  I played alot of SWOTL up in the North (wasn't much
else to do) and got pretty good at flying the virtual B-17 if anyone remembers the game.  Anyways,
at another job, I described in great detail the flying and handling characteristics of the B-17 so well
that I convinced a few people I actually flew the aircraft in Europe.  Later, when I provided the "fact"
it was in WW2, the smiles came out.  Hehe.

 

[Korus]

The F-19 is interesting.. some speculate that it became the F-117A, some speculate that the number was just skipped, and some specualte that there's some conspiracy theory super-top secret aircraft..

I remember plaing MicroProse' F-117A.. That was a fun game, but the sound of the engine screaming on my 286 speaker (that's right, just one.. internal..) was annoying.

I had a F-19 micromachine when I was a kid, and micromachines based it off a plastic model that Monogram made.. I found a link of the model, to show what people "thought" it would look like... http://www.fantastic-plastic.com/MONOGRAM F-19 STEALTH PAGE.htm

 

[Inch]

I still get a kick out of the people that refer to the F117 as a fighter. I sure would like to see it dogfight, oh wait, it doesn't carry any air to air weapons and it's also subsonic.

 

[Korus]

in MicroProse' F-117A, it can carry Air to Air missiles, and has a gun for air to air... Shooting down migs was always a lot of fun.

A computer game wouldn't lie to us, now would it?  :

 

[Radop]

The F-19 is interesting.. some speculate that it became the F-117A, some speculate that the number was just skipped, and some specualte that there's some conspiracy theory super-top secret aircraft..

I remember plaing MicroProse' F-117A.. That was a fun game, but the sound of the engine screaming on my 286 speaker (that's right, just one.. internal..) was annoying.

I had a F-19 micromachine when I was a kid, and micromachines based it off a plastic model that Monogram made.. I found a link of the model, to show what people "thought" it would look like... http://www.fantastic-plastic.com/MONOGRAM F-19 STEALTH PAGE.htm

The YF 23 competed with the YF 22 for the chance to replace the F15 and F16 aircrafts.   Ultimately the YF 22 won and became the F 22.   It should be coming into service soon.   The YF 17 lost out to the F 16 in the LWF program.   Below are a few picture links to see what they looked like:

YF 23
http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/systems/aircraft/f-23-pics.htm

YF 22
http://www.aeroflight.co.uk/types/usa/lockheed_martin/f-22/F-22_Raptor.htm

Both
http://www.wpafb.af.mil/museum/research/fighter/yf22-2.jpg

YF 17
http://www.wpafb.af.mil/museum/research/fighter/f17.htm

As for the YF 19, it did change to the F 117 as detailed in the following link at the USAF museum site.
http://www.wpafb.af.mil/museum/research/fighter/fighter.htm

 

[Michael Dorosh]

Yeah, F-19 was a computer game before the real aircraft was publically known as the F-117A.  The game's
manufacturers re-named it to F-117A later.

I loved the carrier landings.

A number of years ago I pulled a phonie too.  I played alot of SWOTL up in the North (wasn't much
else to do) and got pretty good at flying the virtual B-17 if anyone remembers the game.  Anyways,
at another job, I described in great detail the flying and handling characteristics of the B-17 so well
that I convinced a few people I actually flew the aircraft in Europe.  Later, when I provided the "fact"
it was in WW2, the smiles came out.  Hehe.

I played both Microprose F-19 and F-117.  Good games; they had heart, something a lot of games nowadays don't seem to have. And SWOTL, too...

 

[Korus]

Yes, that's true.. that's why I find it harder and harder to play computer games nowadays, and even then they're older games. Maybe I'm just growing up, or maybe I'm just missing what games of days long past lost when the push went from story and gameplay to just graphics. (Oddly, I also happen to have been the only kid of the Nintendo generation to never own a nintendo, or anything like it)

 

[RorerQuaalude]

I loved SWOTL! It had such a catchy theme song, and entertaining gameplay to boot. But yea, if there's any game that'd spawn off phonies, I'd say it'd be Operation Flashpoint. Possibly due to its fairly realistic gameplay.... but for the rest of us, it's a definite must play.

 

[dw_1984]

This reminded me of a conversation some person was having with another on the bus to school.   The major errors are as follows:

-my friend joined the queen's own...it's like Canada's marines, one step down from navy seals
-JFT-2 only came to light in afghanistan...it's really the airborne reincarnated
-the barrett m82 fires a 50 millimeter round
-the recoil on the m16 is very strong

There was more but I just can't remember.   He based all this on his experience in the cadets and playing America's Army.

 

[Cliffy433]

OK, my "Phonies" story isn't exactly military, but it's funny nonetheless...

I knew a guy in Wpg - totally non-military - was a Tae Kwon Do instructor and a pathological liar. 

He once relayed to us a story about becoming fluent in Japanese and Korean while training Japanese ski patrol to the same standards he trained the Canadian Ski Patrol in BC how to conduct heli-mobile extraction of backcountry skiers with full-spinal precautions without any equipment, save a few ropes, while suspended upside-down from the helicopter in a crevasse. 

Though most of the training occurred in Japan, some of it was in Korea - so he learned both languages to make life easier.  If that wasn't unbelievable enough, the total time in Japan, Korea, BC - and for some reason the US and Mexico (don't remember why) - totalled nearly 18months in one year.

When we called him on it he explained he had to work that much overtime so that he would be exempt from Federal Taxes, because he worked more than time existed and therefore his income couldn't be calculated. 

Then, I'm not sure which town he was in - but he ended up being in hospital for nearly six weeks after a motorcyle accident at the BC-US-Mexico border.  Only to get out and be surrounded by half of the City of Winnipeg's major crimes unit, because there was another person in Winnipeg with the EXACT SAME NAME - who committed a violent crime while he was in hospital.  Despite his stellar instruction in hand-to-hand combat, he was able to quickly overpower and disarm all the police on the scene and calmly walked into police HQ to "turn himself in and clear his name".

Not sure how he managed to get through a Masters Degree in Computer Engineering at a local community college where he taught Computer Science with all the commotion, but he did it!

When he started talking about getting first dibs on componentry with which to build the "ultimate computer", I asked if he was going to use Platinum or Titanium microchips...

He told me Titanium wouldn't corrode, so he built the entire system - even the circuitry - out of titanium.

That was the best part about him - he'd tell a slightly believable story - and you could ask absurd questions and end up with stuff like that... really, that whole story started out as a professional discussion between two lifeguards about spinal precautions on a patron who fell part-way down the stairs leading to the pool...

Ahhh, good times!

tlm.