nervous ... need some advice

[bumsy]

Hi guys,
This is my first time asking strangers this but I have this situation here it goes....so im 24 and my parents are dead set on me NOT joining the forces...they are sort of forcing me to get married (AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!)   cause of my cultural background....I knew this was coming for years and well recently I decided to join the CF.   I passed all my tests including my fitness (wooooo!!!) and well ok so I've been a sheltered kid and wasn't really allowed to do much wasnt allowed to have friends or join sports teams....and in my interview the counselor told me to join a team and well like heck my parents are going to let me....i know what you are all thinking....shes 24 and still under her parents control its pathetic i know but its also scary cause i have this abusive step dad....This is making me so nervous cause im supposed to have a follow up interview and I dont know what to tell the counsellor....and I'm failing my last term in college....cause of all of the stress my parents are putting on me....I know the CF is the way to go....I've wanted this for a long time...i need to get on the merit list and no one has called yet its been a month....what should I do any suggestions??? How do I explain to the counsellor why I can't join sports teams and why im failing....Do you think they will understand if I tell them the situation i am in?

 

[FITSUMO]

"i have this abusive step dad",
that sucks, but if he is abusive you have the option to call the cops, yes there will be a pant load of problems after, but you do not have to be a victim.  Some parents are dead set against their kids joining the CF, but at the end of the day, this life is yours and you will have to make your own choices( whatever they are, they will be yours).  As for the marriage thing, there are one or 2 married members in the CF, just because you choose a career does not mean you cannot also chose marriage.

If you are failing your term, you should get any help you can so that you pass, you are close to the end, it might gnaw at you, if you do not finish( may not).  If you still want quit school you can always pick up where you left off, once you have a job in the CF, (night school)

It sounds as though you are making your own good choices because you have done the fitness and the interview, keep it up

As for what to tell the counsellor, the truth works great, they are human and they will understand, at least at the cognitive level.  Give them an overview, they are not family consolers, don't dump on them.

If you do join, you will have to deal with the fact that you have gone against your parents wishes, and that might lead to lots of stress( more than now), make sure you have a stress relief plan, consolers, PT( good for you, good for me), yoga, whatever works, cause if you are stressed out, you will not be a fully active member of your team, and that just leads to more stress.

I really do wish you the best, and I hope your choices lead you on to something better.

 

[platy]

FITSUMO, good advice.

As a currently serving regular force member, I have dealt with numerous "new" personnel from troubled family backgrounds. My first advice would be to remain as honest and straight forward with your recruiter as possible. (this goes for any supervisor you will have in the CF)        I don't mean to downplay your situation, but believe me when I say that your recruiter will probably not be shocked. Again as per the previous post, they are not counsellors, but they do need to know about anything which may effect your career in the CF. Hopefully you are joining for the right reasons and not just to escape your family. Your recruiter has asked you to join a team to enhance your "teamwork and leadership" skills, this is just one way. From what I am getting from your post, you are already involved in post secondary education and it sounds like you are starting to demonstrate some latent decision making and leadership traits just by chosing to take charge of your life. If you are fit, smart and want to serve your country, the CF can definately use you. It may not be the only way out of your situation, but the change of lifestyle it provides and the "fresh start" may be just what you need. Unfortunately because of the limitations in the numbers of positions and our training capacity, it may take a little time to actually be enrolled. Stick with it and remember my advice at your Basic Training Graduation...

 

[bumsy]

Thank you guys for taking the time to reply....makes me feel a little better.  As for the reason I am joining yes one is to get away, but the main reason is I don't feel as challenged at other jobs. I can't siit in a cublicle for the rest of my life...(i'm taking computer engineering / and did some electrical and electroinc courses) i need to get out and do things be active and make a difference.  I've never had the chance to take control of my life and this is a great start cause it will help me gain strength both physically and mentally.  I understand that the recruiters are not counsellors thats sort of why i was reluctant to tell them my situation. 

 

[spud]

Good on your for making the decision to take control of your life. Look in the mirror, tell yourself you are doing the right thing for you, tighten your belt, grit your teeth and go for it. If you have come through what you have experienced so far, the rest can be gravy.

Be honest with the recruiter, but other then that I would not tell anyone who doesn't need to know. This is not something a supervisor needs to know, unless you trust them completely. I have experienced sup's who could keep a military secret under their belt if being tortured but couldn't keep a personal secret any better then a 3rd grader. I am sure they (recruiter) have talked to many people with personal problems, your's wouldn't be the first or the last.

You may also want to try and communicate with Kincanuck on the board here for some piece of mind and some correct info (hope he/she) doesn't mind me saying that.  I think he/she is a recruiter. I've only been on this forum for a while but from reading Kincanuck postings I have gotten what turns out to be straight up correct info.

Many people joining the military get resistance from family, friends, co-workers, etc. Thank those that support you, say f@ck you to those that don't, put your head down and get it down.

I've also noticed there is no shortage of people on this board who are good sources of information and willing to provide as much moral support as you need.

Best of luck!

 

[ThatsLife]

Bumsy, congratulations on taking hold of your life.

My advice to you is simply:

Do what you think is right.

Basically, if you don't do this, you'll look back 10 years from now and regret not joining the CF (I learned that on these forums actually). I took control of myself after being guilty about leaving my girlfriend (and the fact she cried and told me not to go). After I phoned the CF while waiting for my medical to be processed I asked them if I could change my choice from reserves to regular force and now i'm awaiting to head off to basic training in 3 weeks. I kind of sprung it on my girlfriend that I joined the regular force and now SHE abuses ME. Every so often she'll start to cry and punch my arms and back, and kick me (seriously), but it's just something you have to do. Taking control of YOUR life is one thing no one can take away from you.

On a lighter note; the thought of abuse running through your step-dads mind will be zero-to-none when you're holding a C7 

Have a good one. 

 

[NiTz]

I lost my best friend, my appartment AND my girlfriend when I joined the CF... I let you figure out how it happened...  :  in the end it was worth it. The pride youll have at your graduation, when theyll tell you : you are now a member of the CF.. wow

Dont give up! Its not their life, its yours and good for you, you took control of it!

And believe me, youll be the sharpshooter of your plt if you imagine the stepfather on the target at the shooting range... priceless!


Cheers and dont give up!

Nitz

 

[paracowboy]

I really don't have much to add except that I admire you for taking control of your own life, and taking a step towards becoming your own person. Takes guts, "and sometimes guts is enough." (To quote one of the greatest philosophers of our time.)

I'll add my encouragement as well. The feeling you get on your graduation day is immeasurable. When your family realizes that this is your dream, those that truly want what's best for you will support you. Those that don't support you, well, you're better off without.

Live your life, your way. Better than looking back in 20 years and wondering.

 

[Fishbone Jones]

I don't want to sound harsh, but someday your parents will be dead and you won't. So who's interest will you be serving then. You've gotten lots of good advice above, and there's bags of the same if you "SEARCH". No need to continue this one, we've done it a dozen times before. Good luck.