Living with an OSI.

[Greymatters]

As for "mental health" written next to your name at work in appointments, remove it, as there is absolutely no reason it should be there.  Would they put "Sexually Transmitted Disease Health" beside another person's name having to deal with it?  PM me if you would like some details how you can do this, without any challenges.

I certainly agree with that, there is no reason why anything other than 'medical appointment' should be written in anyone's book at work, especially if it is open to viewing to multiple persons.  I would certainly question whether this was done maliciously or just out of ignorance...

 

[dogger1936]

Agreed. It was posted on a whiteboard in clear view of everyone above the rank of Mcpl in our office. Far from my biggest issue however.

Anywho the medication seems to be working even better. I even managed to get promoted somehow. I'm actually feeling weird about the whole subject now that I am feeling a little better mentally. I've been kept very busy with work and overall have been truly exausted. I don't know if thats in reference to the workload, depression or the medication.

I have been sent to yet another Dr...which makes it...5-7 people I have sat down with for exausting chats reliving every moment I would rather just stop talking about. I'm honestly quite sick of talking about this stuff,trying to fit it into my work schedule etc. Although many things have been offered to me from restrictions to TCAT I really don't want to go that route. While it would make dealing with these problems easier, I really want to avoid it. And as per even though work knows about the issues they continually pile the work on. Not their fault as medically on paper I am GTG.

Having said that being medically fit allows them to task me out for quite a pile of time. Which makes having appointments in all of June July impossiable. Will it hamper my treatment? For sure.

Even though these pills seem to be getting better and better as time progresses I am still having huge panic attacks, get really confused with simple things and tend to have angry outbursts at work/home. And to add insult to injury I have packed on 50 lbs as well, not great physically or mentally. Some Dr's say its the pills, other the depression/OSI.
I get to see this new Dr this week and am really just gonna ask this time WTF is wrong with me. While the first Dr's said PTSD why am I going to yet another Dr for another treatment,another assessment? It's all pretty confusing honestly. And as I said earlier Im getting frustrated and feeling pretty pissed off and ready to stop all this stuff.Say everything is ok and go back to doing what I was doing. Which I guess could be a sign things are getting better, as two months ago I was crying in my basement and had zero understanding what the heck was happening to me.

Am I gonna be able to carry on in the army? I'm beginning to think not honestly. I have been feeling like I need a fresh start in somethng else. Would I have the dedication/ motivation to actually do it? Most likely not. Heck I stay up all night so the boogyman doesnt come then sleep my day away during non working hours. Family time is non existant. It feels Im alive to do a medoicre job at work so I can get some sleep and wake again to deal with this burden I call life.

 

[the 48th regulator]

Have you spoken with someone from the OSISS program?

Sometimes talking to a peer, who has travelled down the same path, can help you immensely.

dileas

tess

 

[dogger1936]

Hey 48th
I have been pointed in their direction on unofficial channels, but have not yet. I still have their contact info from their brief in Cyprus from my last trip over there. Honestly between work and the piling up medical appointments I hardly have time it seems to get everything I need to get done either in my work life or on the mental health side.

Since my last posting here I am now seeing yet another shrink....and honestly getting sick of being asked the same questions over and over...which I mentioned to this guy who seems to understand my growing anger. Having said that he has provided me with some coping skills that I am trying to employ with varied success. However it's a start....finally. It seems looking back aside from getting medicated not much in help arrived since I first went in.

Finally thinking I was done seeing new Dr's I get a phone call a few days ago that I have to go see yet another Dr to get assessed.Like WTF have these last 8 Dr's been doingif they were not assessing me? Another long trip to Ottawa to rehash everything again to a different Dr, although 4 Dr's have already told me I have PTSD. I really don't understand the process at all.


My calender is full with appointments and is really starting to affect my work and cause a pile of extra stress as I have opted to stay away from TCAT and chit's as I believe I can do my job, not as well as before but I can cope some days. The last Dr  I Seen had reviewed my medical file and it made me pretty happy. He quickly said that it appears I only go to the Dr when there is something hanging off my body, heavy bleeding or dislocation....which is pretty accurate. I hope this conveys to them that this is serious enough to be seeking help, as most things I suck up and deal with pain (i.e broken fingers I reset myself...they are crooked but they healed!)

However I don't know how to fix my brain like my fingers so here I am..

 

[OldSolduer]

Hi dogger:

There is help. Take it.

Yesterday in St Jean the ILQ course was practising a funeral, with the casket, the bearer part and the works. I hit me hard....and for a few minutes I could not function very well. My buddy checked that I was OK.
That's what it takes. A fellow soldier checking up on his buddies.

 

[dogger1936]

I'm sure everyone understood considering the circumstances bro. BZ for getting through it, speaks volumes for your character....I can't imagine what it brought back for yah.

I'm trying to do a balancing act of staying loyal to my unit and getting help, however there may come a time soon where the unit is gonna have to be in the foreground in my priorities.

My goal however is still to be so productive as possiable howeverwith the lack of manpower at my unit and an increasing workload I'm not sure how much longer I can play the balance act.

My family
My Unit
Myself
has alays been my priorities.And as of late my family life is suffering a little more due to the latter two.

 

[Greymatters]

If you are having problems, putting your unit in the foreground isnt going to solve them.  The 'balancing act' is merely delaying a proper solution.  You need to pull back and deal with personal and family issues if you plan to be of long-term use to the CF...

 

[OldSolduer]

If you are having problems, putting your unit in the foreground isnt going to solve them.  The 'balancing act' is merely delaying a proper solution.  You need to pull back and deal with personal and family issues if you plan to be of long-term use to the CF...

I concur 110% with you Grey

At some point we become "combat ineffective" by letting things fester. If you sprain your ankle, or experience chest pains,  you seek medical attention. Why not do the same thing for the MOST important organ in the body....your brain.

 

[the 48th regulator]

If you are having problems, putting your unit in the foreground isnt going to solve them.  The 'balancing act' is merely delaying a proper solution.  You need to pull back and deal with personal and family issues if you plan to be of long-term use to the CF...

Bingo,

And I advise, again, that you speak to people who have done so in the past.  OSISS.

dileas

tess

 

[dogger1936]

Hey all.

Just a quesion reference "compassionate posting". One shrink brought it up that maybe a few years near my home would be benificial to the healing process, and family support which I have zero in my current posting. There are no trade specific spots in my home area, however there are recruiting centers etc.

If a shrink suggest's this, will it be likely to happen? I understand the ramifications careerwise but alas as the previous posters mentioned family and myself really need to come first.

The Dr said he was going to look into it and get back to me. Has anyone dealt with a situation like this? Can the COC deny this request from mental health?

 

[PuckChaser]

You have a legitimate reasoning to want a compassionate posting. I've seen some pers screw their own lives up by cheating on their spouse while on IR, only to get a compassionate posting to a really out of the way place where they had to make s/he a position. I'm sure your Doc can easily make this happen for you, and best wishes on the road to recovery.

 

[dogger1936]

So I am finally diagnosed which honestly feels like a relief of sorts. Now I can carry on with treatment as they see fit.  I finally got "rubber stamped" as having severe PTSD and Depression. So what changes now career wise? Not a whole lot. I'm in a busier job which I am having a few difficulties as my memory is basically non existant due to the illness. However I told my superiors that I have this illness I am not working at 100 % and if they see me lagging to kick me in the ass and remind me. I'm not one to mess about at work, but some days its really hard to do anything.

The medication is constantly changing and for me it has helped quite a bit, but am feeling pretty stoned and groggy most times. I will hopefully sort this out next appointment. Med's are something I'm not liking but I know it's something I require.

To go back to the faking aspect we were discussing, I can't see it. From what I have seen and the hoops your made to jump through to get even to this diagnosis stage is very thorough. With some of the best Dr's in this field in Canada. Between testing assessments I really cant see how anyone could do it. Maybe a complete ted bundy type could..... other than that I don't think so.

I have to say my work has been a lot better than I EVER expected. And much of my problems I was having wasn't work it was how I perceived work would take my illness. I've learned quite a bit about myself through therapy, and honestly have a great hope for a full recovery. Now I'm sure if I have a bad day tomorrow that tone will change! However I am actually having good days now which is amazing. Something I didn't think I'd see again.

I'm dealing with panic attacks daily, Nightmares however even these have been dulled due to medications. Mostly the nightmares. While they are very vivid and real, they don't usually awake me as they once did. A good night sleep is few and far between...and very appreciated when it does occur!

Weight gain has been a bit of an issue with this illness. I went from 150 up to 210 lbs due to overeating and not exercising. I have cut my weight down to 183 now and am continuing to work on it to get back into soldier mode. Not to mention exercise and a good view of yourself goes a long way as well. The pills apparently cause weight gain and make losing it harder, but exercise is good for the mind anyway....One problem at a time I guess.

Although I swore I would never go to VAC as I didn't want their money, I was forced to. Due to the nature of the injury If I was to be released and needed help it has to be through them. I was basically given a checklist of things I have to do now that I am "stamped".

I also have to mention my CoC and Dr's have opens a world of possibilities to me. Postings away close to family, teaching only positions PCAT-TCAT etc. All to aid in my recovery. I however being a hardheaded Snr NCO... I still keep the stiff upper lip and soldier on as best I can. However I may end up taking an option at a later date, and it feels good to know these options do exist to me.

Friends. Most if not all of my friends and co workers know. I have not once heard one bad comment from anyone in regards to myself. Family all know and are supportive.
Some have also mentioned the sacrifice medal to me now on a few occasions.I am hoping my CoC does not get it for me. While I understand that this is a wound, I would find it very embarrassing to get it on a parade personally. While having this is nothing to be ashamed of I know, I still personally do not want that medal. I'm hoping it isn't an automatic thing. I have been slightly wounded in a firefight, however I really would not want to receive one for PTSD or the flesh wound. Any knowledge if that thing is automatic? Maybe I can head that off at the pass before it gets issued and surprises me.

Anyway I'm sure I'll drop back and talk about dealing with VAC. I keep meaning to get in contact with OSSIS...but alas memory. I have even called but then never called back for a meeting. Apparently they can really help in the process with VAC and work etc. I will call them someday soon... If I remember.

Cheers all

 

[dogger1936]

Getting asked to go to a mental institution in guelf Ontario has been a scary scary thing for me. I have always feared hospitals. I am from the back sticks and that was one thing the Dr's noted when I started getting help....my med file was a couple pages.I.E shrapnel, broken leg,disloated things....not the cold. I don't do hospitals unless I am really hurt.

Anyway having to tell my wife they want me to go to a institution is embarrassing.

Will I go? No. I don't think my personailty and a bedtime/ forced med's would work very well at all. It scares the crap outta me honestly.

I have finally made contact with OSSIS AND got a meeting next week. I'm very interested in what they offer.

The nightmare pills don't work. basically they are high blood pressure pills. They don't work for me at all.


This is one scary injury. I wouldnt wish this on anyone.

 

[the 48th regulator]

Getting asked to go to a mental institution in guelf Ontario has been a scary scary thing for me. I have always feared hospitals. I am from the back sticks and that was one thing the Dr's noted when I started getting help....my med file was a couple pages.I.E shrapnel, broken leg,disloated things....not the cold. I don't do hospitals unless I am really hurt.

Anyway having to tell my wife they want me to go to a institution is embarrassing.

Will I go? No. I don't think my personailty and a bedtime/ forced med's would work very well at all. It scares the crap outta me honestly.

I have finally made contact with OSSIS AND got a meeting next week. I'm very interested in what they offer.

The nightmare pills don't work. basically they are high blood pressure pills. They don't work for me at all.


This is one scary injury. I wouldnt wish this on anyone.

Homewood in Guelph is one of the leading facilities that helps people with OSIs.

It is not a "mental institution" where you will be holed up like Mike Myers from Halloween.  Many organizations (Military, RCMP, Firefighters, Various Police forces) Have used the facility to get their people on the right  track.

You have done the right, and honourable thing, getting better for you, your loved ones, and those you eve with


PM on the way, so we can talk.

dileas

tess

 

[OldSolduer]

Getting asked to go to a mental institution in guelf Ontario has been a scary scary thing for me. I have always feared hospitals. I am from the back sticks and that was one thing the Dr's noted when I started getting help....my med file was a couple pages.I.E shrapnel, broken leg,disloated things....not the cold. I don't do hospitals unless I am really hurt.

Anyway having to tell my wife they want me to go to a institution is embarrassing.

Will I go? No. I don't think my personailty and a bedtime/ forced med's would work very well at all. It scares the crap outta me honestly.

I have finally made contact with OSSIS AND got a meeting next week. I'm very interested in what they offer.

This is one scary injury. I wouldnt wish this on anyone.

Please go. It works. I know. I've seen the results in soldiers who have gone. You won't regret it. Please go, for you, your family....PM Inbound to you dogger

 

[armychick2009]

I've heard nothing but good things about Homewood, from the Civilian side of things. There's a huge waiting list to get into it as requested by patients and many are "elite" people from across Canada.... people who run big corporations, institutions and some actors/actresses. I'm not saying you should go to celebrity watch but - what I am saying is that it is a safe, comfortable environment and is proven to be so... it has a good reputation.  A lot of people with a lot of responsibilities go there and you are no less important than any of those other people.

I would see about going and ask if you can voluntarily release from it, if you aren't feeling comfortable after a few days. 

And, it's definitely not like One Flew Over the Coo-coo's nest!!! (That's the North Bay hospital, as I learnt from my friends involuntary incarceration a few years back!) 

 

[dogger1936]

Still freaks me right out. I would maybe go if  I could walk out at anytime, but I dont think thats the deal. I would maybe go if no medication changes were made as well. I picture me getting angry and getting a shot in the arm. Basically the thought of it all is causing me too much stress to even think of it!

Anyway I finally got in contact with OSSIS, while I'm not really cool with talking about anything right now I may get out to a meeting in the future. A least the peer support is there. I had forgot to ask about what is avialible through the organisation in regards to retraining money etc. Maybe someone here can help I dunno. However right now sitting around shooting the shit with more messed up people doesnt appeal with me....hell I do that at work all day! I'm just trying to be around posative people, I cant deal withanyone elses problems right now...barley my own.

 

[the 48th regulator]

I've heard nothing but good things about Homewood, from the Civilian side of things. There's a huge waiting list to get into it as requested by patients and many are "elite" people from across Canada.... people who run big corporations, institutions and some actors/actresses. I'm not saying you should go to celebrity watch but - what I am saying is that it is a safe, comfortable environment and is proven to be so... it has a good reputation.  A lot of people with a lot of responsibilities go there and you are no less important than any of those other people.

I would see about going and ask if you can voluntarily release from it, if you aren't feeling comfortable after a few days. 

And, it's definitely not like One Flew Over the Coo-coo's nest!!! (That's the North Bay hospital, as I learnt from my friends involuntary incarceration a few years back!) 

Uhm,

You have the program confused with what Lindsay Lohan went to bub.

Please read he following links, to get a better idea....

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Canada/2010/04/10/13542746-qmi.html

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2010/05/25/post-traumatic-stress-military.html

dileas

tess

 

[Bruce Monkhouse]

dogger1936,

Do not fear the Homewood.  You will be treated with the respect you deserve.
Bruce

 

[armychick2009]

Uhm,

You have the program confused with what Lindsay Lohan went to bub.

Please read he following links, to get a better idea....

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Canada/2010/04/10/13542746-qmi.html

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2010/05/25/post-traumatic-stress-military.html

dileas

tess

Hi Tess,
The information I have is from my friend who had a brother (he was 50) that stayed there for several months after a breakdown and suicide attempt.  It has a reputation there for being extremely discreet, respectful and that those who fear the stigma of an institution (ie, CEOs of million/billion dollar companies, or people of public figure) go because they know they can get good treatment while being treated with respect and understanding.

Also, I believe my ex-husband served in Bosnia around the same time you did.  You may even know him and I definitely respect what you guys went through. The seven years we were together were full of highs and lows... many of the lows were repercussions of Bosnia. Our relationship couldn't bear the strain of things anymore and the PTSD beast it is, takes on many shapes and forms... a bit of a shapeshifter if you will.  I don't write much on here about what we went through because, the military world is a small world and he still works there. I'm respecting his privacy but - believe me when I say I've been through the entire gamete and have an appreciation for the difficulty one goes through.