Is this normal?

[tourwife]

My husband's best friend who was in the military died while on tour.  I only met him a couple times, but heard about him many times, he was also suppose to be our son's godfather.  His death affected me a lot.  Now every Remembrance Day, or memorial that we go to, I can't help but feel saddened by his death.  Is this odd for me to feel so effected by someone that 1) I barely knew, and 2) wasn't even my friend?? ???

 

[paracowboy]

Yes. You're normal. This person meant a lot to a person who means a lot to you. It would be odd if it didn't affect you in some way.
My condolences.

 

[Lima_Oscar]

My military experience is limited, however I can comment as a nurse who use to work at an Emergency Room and here is my story.

It was a usual night in August and I was working the night shift.  It was just another night at the office and I was just about to get off. However just when I was thinking about what I was going to get for breakfast, a trauma came in: a 14-year old boy from a motor vehicle accident.  He had massive chest trauma and we cared for him for 2 hours or so but despite our best effort he died.  Then I heard his story: he was just visiting Canada to see his relatives and his parents are far away. Before I knew it, I was balling in tears. At that time, I didn't understood why I had such tremendous feeling for that boy---afterall he was just a stranger who I never even had a conversation with. But I finally understood why when I was talking to my colleagues and one of them asked "what were you thinking when you heard his story?" and I replied "I was thinking about his parents not able to see their son for one last time, and I was imagining how terrible it is the phone call they will get." And I realize that I had such tremendous emotion for him was because I emphasized how terrible the situation was for the boy and for the family.

I do believe that we as human beings are all interconnected in some way. I cannot say whether or not it is odd for you to feel that way about your husband's best friend. But I can tell you is not odd to feel saddened about someone's situation even though that someone is a complete stranger.  

 

[NavComm]

I don't think it's odd at all either.  I volunteered for a time with the RCMP victim services. We took a lot of training on how we deal with various forms of loss that people suffer and reactions that are within the 'norm'.

This is a loss for you and for your loved one. It's normal to feel sadness. What you are doing by asking/talking about it is also healthy. It's a way of 'processing' it and that is a healthy thing to do.

So let yourself have the feelings and mourn the loss. Mourning is a good thing. It's a healthy, normal reaction to a sudden loss.

There are 7 stages of grief. Where you might not be going through a 'grief' process, you definately are mourning a loss that has implications in your life and your family's life.

 

[Andyboy]

I feel saddened by the death of people I never knew or met but only read about, so yes I think your are normal.

I'm sorry for your, and our, loss.

Andrew

 

[Springroll]

VERY NORMAL!!

When I was working palliative care with seniors in thier own homes, it always broke my heart when their families were around them when they passed on. I would do my best to keep them comfortable and to allow them to die with dignity. Many of them I barely knew and had only worked a couple shifts with them, but they still touched my heart and a piece of them will always be with me.

Considering this man was to be your son's godfather, there will always be that connection between you, even though you barely knew him.

My sincerest condolences to you and your family. :'(

 

[pbi]

Although I have little of value to offer the bereaved original poster, I just wanted to compliment all of those army.ca folks who responded. The answers form a very fine example of what can be good about this site. Well done.

Cheers.

 

[Fry]

My sincerest condolences.

 

[reccecrewman]

I would definitely say your feelings are normal.  To feel a sense of loss or sorrow WRT someone you never met or barely knew is absolutely a natural and normal thing.  I drove my Squadron OC and 2IC to a memorial service almost 2 years ago for the guys the RCR lost in the Afghanistan mine stike.  Now, to me, Sgt. Short & Cpl. Beerenfenger were just names I heard on the news as soldiers that lost their lives in Afghanistan.  But, at the memorial service, I realized that these were 2 soldiers that were in my Brigade.  They lived here in Petawawa and had families.  After seeing their relatives at the service, I was very saddened by the fact that these men had to give their lives over there.  After arriving in Kabul for Roto 3, each time I passed by the monument to them on the Parade Square, I remembered seeing their families over a year ago, and a sad feeling came each time I went by it.  These are 2 men I've never met, but still felt saddened by their departure.  My sincerest condolences to their families, your family and your husbands friends family.

 

[Island Ryhno]

Strange how things are isn't it. I lost perhaps my best friend in the military, I was naturally upset but I was amazed to see how many people were touched just by association to me. It's normal for people to care, especially when it's hurtful to someone you care about. The police officers killed in Alberta last year had a very profound effect on a nation, yet very few people actually knew them. Tragedy has ways of creeping into lives, even those far from the epicenter of the tragedy. I believe your grief is quite normal. Sincerely I appreciate your position. I hope you find solace soon.

 

[tourwife]

I just wanted to thank everyone for your responses and support on the subject.  This will help a great deal in remembering.  It's good to know that when I cry on Rememberance Day now, it's won't be silly.
Thanks again.

 

[Jack Neilson]

Crying on Remembrance Day is certainly nothing to be ashamed of or to feel "different" about.  Many of us older fellows shed tears freely.  Compassion and empathy are virtues that you seem to have in abundance and should be a source of pride to you and your husband. 

 

[reccecrewman]

Hear Hear! Absolutely!  There is absolutely nothing wrong with shedding tears on remembrance day.  Since the beginning of Canada making constant large commitments from the UNPROFOR days to now, each Brigade has paid to some extent on the bill, in the blood of their soldiers. (This is not to take ANYTHING from peacekeeping ops that were before UNPROFOR, UNFICYP for example cost us over a few dozen during our commitment there) but in our recent history, our young soldiers (myself being one) are now being affected by the losses that we've endured since UNPROFOR.  I'm sure any soldier with 2 years or more in the Army can find some tie to at least one of our fallen.  Remembrance Day isn't just about remembering the heroic sacrifices our grandfathers and great grandfathers made.  We need to remember and shed tears for those who've fallen in all our peacekeeping & non-peacekeeping operations as well.

 

[Fry]

Agreed. Canada Day and Remembrance Day are both emotional days for me, especially after hearing some stories from my grandfather and a few others. Heart-wrenching is an understatement. And for those who know me, I'm almost emotionless.

Bring a box of kleenex and open the floodgates. Nothing to be ashamed about shedding a tear or two, just goes to show that you care.