This was posted before by me, but here it is again. This is the stuff I learned on my first tour with hubby. I am definatly not the person I was six months ago (Well in some ways hehe, i'm still the batman and always will be). One thing I cannot stress enough, remember to breathe. It's not easy but giving up is not really an option. Oh and give the rear party a break, you can mow your own lawn, and carry your own groceries, we're military wives, not children. >
"Well, the tour is winding down now,and I see that alot of people are getting ready for the july 06 tour and the Feb 07 tour. This was my first tour and I've learned alot and thought I would pass on some advice to those who may be doing this for the first time.
Get the power of attorney. Even if you think you'll never need it, get it anyhow. You never know what may come up.
Make sure things are in both names. I had an issue getting insurance on a truck I didnt own and it created alot of paper work for me and the rear party. If he had a car before you and it's in his name, get him to write a letter saying that you co own it. Same goes for phone bills, power bills,etc. They usually won't talk to you unless you're on the account because they are fully enforcing the privacy laws.
Never be afraid to call the rear party. Just because you think your question is stupid, doesnt mean they will. They are there to help and in an emergency they can usually get your husband on the phone in a short amount of time. (If your rear party isnt very helpful, make sure someone knows, they are sapposed to be there for family support)
Go to the family deployment meeting. They have lots of information and can answer any questions you may have.
If you don't already know, ask your husband how to do things that he normally does. ie put oil in the car, start the lawn mower, where the insurance papers are hehe etc. It can be frustrating when you cant find something or do something because you've just never done it before.
If you're planning on using tour money to save for something get a seperate account to put it in so the temptation to spend wont be there. The pay is higher and the temptation is greater hehe.
Don't be surprised if the tour pay doesnt kick in for a month or so. You will get back pay for that time, but sometimes the paper work isnt done in time.
Also don't be surprised if the date is moved back for the home coming. A tour that they say is 6 months can easily turn into seven.
There might be some tension at some point from you or hubby in your phone (or msn) convos. Try not to get off the phone mad because it could be awhile until your next call and the guilt will make you crazy. Husbands often forget its not easy back home either so sometimes they don't think before they speak.Sometimes you have to remind them that being at home isnt always a cake walk.
That being said, he is also under alot of pressure and tension, so try and remain as positive as you can. If you witch him out the whole call, this will be all he remembers and he is in a dangerous place. Perhaps, alot the first few mins to the bad stuff and then move on.
If your husband is going to be outside the wire alot, remember that he wont always be able to call on a regular basis. Try not to let it freak you out. They just don't always have access to a phone.
If you're a news junkie like me, remember sometimes you have to turn it off so you don't go mental. If the military hasnt contacted you, then it wasnt your husband involved.
Take care of yourself. Try to maintain a sense of regularity.
The first day they leave, will probably be one of the worst. Emotions are running high and anything that can go wrong usually will. But it will get better, I promise.
I suggest not counting days, but counting weeks or pay checks or something that won't be so overwhelming.
Never be afraid to ask for help. There are alot of great people on these boards who have been through this and who will step up and give a hand. Also , friends, family, neighbors, might be a place to turn too if you really need something.
Stay busy. It will make the time fly.
A bad day is just one bad day and it will get better. Just because you hit a parked car in the grocery store parking lot (hehe yeah that was me) does not mean the world has ended hehe.
Remember that you can do this. Even when you're ready to run away and never come back, you can do it. It's surprising how many things you can do that you didnt know you could (like fix things that fall apart, and they will fall apart when he leaves hehe), and the sense of pride you get is pretty cool.
Try not to make the tour an obsession. Sometimes it's hard to talk about anything else, but it can and will make your friends crazy at some point.
Remember that not all people will understand what you are going through especially in the civi world. Don't take it personally, use that as a time to educate them about why your husband is there and what he is doing. It's hard sometimes to listen to someone complain about their bf or husband when yours is away, but remember, in their life, that is what is important right now. Like the tour is in your life.
This may just be something I do, but I don't tell his mom the scary stuff he tells me. She is worried enough about her baby and although she has a right to know, unless she asks i'm not telling her.
Sometimes, your husband can't tell you where he is or what he is doing, but don't take it personally. Its all about security and telling you could mean that safety is comprimised. You'll get all the juicy details when he gets home.
These are just things I learned on my first tour, and some may not agree with me. But if I pass on anything that may save someone alot of trouble later, then I'm glad. Live, love and laugh. Six months is a long time, but you can do it.
A few more things I forgot. LAUGH ALOT. Even when the house is falling apart, the pets (I don't have kids hehe) are peeing on the floor and your car just wont start. I laugh alot at the dumb things that happen to me because most times you have no control.
Same with worrying about your husband. You will worry, but unfortunatly you have no control when they are over there, so sometimes you just have to let go and have faith.
I was in the dark before this tour and had no clue what to expect. I have learned alot though, about myself, my husband, my life. It's been a crazy experience but I wouldnt change it for the world. "
