The hardest fight of all for a Falklands hero
Army officer Robert Lawrence was nearly killed by an Argentine sniper during a battle that became the inspiration for one of the most controversial BBC films ever - Tumbledown. Now, in his first interview in 20 years, he tells Mark Townsend how the trauma of war reshaped his life
Sunday January 14, 2007
The Observer
Robert Lawrence can be forgiven for wondering whether he is blessed or cursed. As a young man, he lost 43 per cent of his brain after being shot by an Argentinian sniper and, facing a lifetime of paralysis, felt abandoned by his army.
As he gazed across the kitchen of his renovated Hampshire farm at his wife Marion and their youngest daughter, Matilda, playing with two huskies, Lawrence grinned: 'Is life half-empty or half-full?' It was rhetorical.
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As the 25th anniversary of the Falklands war nears, Lieutenant Robert Lawrence remains one of the conflict's iconic figures - the soldier whose experiences encouraged a nation to question its conscience over the price of war; the young officer who angered the most senior officers in the army by speaking his mind.
For millions, the 21-year-old's version of the campaign challenged preconceptions of a war mostly judged through the lens of a triumphant nationalism.
His experiences formed the script for the controversial BBC film Tumbledown, a graphic portrayal of the Falklands conflict that raised questions over how a nation treated its wounded and reminded Britain that war is savage. There were ruined lives, and resentment and retribution. Suddenly here was ammunition for those who questioned Margaret Thatcher's decision to go to war.
Directed by Sir Richard Eyre, who went on to become director of the National Theatre, the 1988 drama provoked one of the most bitter rows in the corporation's history. Its account of the central character, played by a young Colin Firth, saw the BBC accused of left-wing subversion, while the Army, fuming at Lawrence's willingness to give details of what hand-to-hand combat was actually like, orchestrated a whispering campaign to discredit him.
The MoD threatened an injunction against the programme, demanding a controversial scene be cut hours before broadcast.
While Simon Weston, the Welsh Guardsman whose recovery from 49 per cent burns became proof of the government's duty of care, Lawrence became the angry rebel, the man who told it how it was: a hero of the left wing, a thorn in the establishment's side.
Now, in his first major interview for almost 20 years after taking a vow of silence and emigrating to Australia before returning to rural Hampshire four years ago, Lawrence has decided to speak out again. There is little sign of age mellowing his ire.
Some questions will always nag him. What does the Falklands war now mean for a country familiar with the threat of al-Qaeda and suicide bombers? Is the campaign a mere historical footnote in which more than 900 men died in three weeks, but whose geopolitical resonance carried little further than Buenos Aires and London?
'It seems a strange, odd war now,' admits Lawrence. 'Then, there was no talk of insurgency and the like. The Falklands was a conventional conflict, comparable with 1918, British soldiers versus Argentinan soldiers, all dressed in battle uniform. It feels so old-fashioned now.'
He remembers calling Weston's mother after hearing that she, too was disenchanted with the Thatcher government's response to its war wounded. 'She had travelled to RAF Brize Norton four times to pick up her son and, in the end, the media had to tell her which plane he was on. But she never spoke out. She knew Simon was going to be their pin-up boy and, as a mother, she had to get what she could for her son.'
Lawrence has watched what he describes as the increasing manipulation of the reporting of the Iraq and Afghanistan conflicts, the 'economic rationalisation' of the MoD that he feels has compromised the British army at a time when servicemen have never been under greater stress. But, most of all, the 46-year-old has followed closely the way the MoD treats its war wounded and is aghast at the closure of its military hospitals and the army's belated acknowledgement that war carries psychological as well as physical scars. A 12-inch acrylic strip might hold his skull together, but his mind remains full of vigour.
'I am concerned for our soldiers. As always, some grey men with a Biro and a calculator make the decisions,' he said.
Last Thursday morning, a letter arrived from the army's pensions agency. It began: 'Dear Mr Lawrence, I have paid £10 into your account.' Lawrence walked stiffly across the kitchen, his limp from his paralysed left leg obvious, to inspect again the cold language of officialdom.
'Now that's what they call a Christmas bonus. That's pretty damn symbolic don't you think?' he grimaced, sucking on a cigarette, contemplating again how close to breaking point his sense of abandonment by the army nearly brought him and the stark fact that his body has been ruined for longer than it was ever fully functional.
Occasionally, Lawrence leafs through his scrapbook crammed with yellowing newsprint chronicling the campaign alongside his own personal battle. Handwritten letters from friends and strangers offering their support are found among pictures of young men sunbathing on the deck of Canberra as it steamed towards the Falklands in the spring of 1982. There are images of the Sir Galahad listing heavily; photographs of a laughing officer called Lawrence who would shortly lose all feeling in his left side; and some of Firth, playing Lawrence in Tumbledown, smiling as fake blood streaks his scalp.
And there are more. Messages from the Queen, the US Embassy and high-ranking officers offering their praise and wonder for Lawrence's bravery, alongside notes from his father, who served in the RAF and defended his son against the MoD with vehemence, but who died a month ago. Such memories of a time a generation ago.
The last major battle of the Falklands always promised to be one of its most fraught. The Argentinians had prepared a last stand at the summit of Tumbledown Hill, a sharp cone of rock jutting from the island's peat and the central feature on the road to Port Stanley. As dawn bleached the grey clouds on 14 June 1982, Lawrence led two platoons of the 2nd Battalion Scots Guards along the west flank towards enemy positions. A fierce fire-fight ensued. Lawrence shot 14 Argentinians, before running out of ammunition. Undeterred, he stormed their defences, stabbing three with his bayonet. Sensing that surrender was imminent, Lawrence scaled Tumbledown's rocky pinnacle and, with the adrenaline of battle still flushing through his young frame, hollered: 'Now that was fun'. The Argentinian garrison in port Stanley would surrender in 90 minutes.
Unbeknown to Lawrence, though, a single sniper had managed to slip the net. A high-velocity round passed through the rear of his skull, emerging at his hairline above his right eye. Lawrence lay on the thin cover of snow on the exposed mountaintop for six hours as colleagues pushed his brains inside his broken head.
Airlifted off Tumbledown, Lawrence was left outside a makeshift operating theatre with no painkillers. Two days from his 22nd birthday, he assumed he was the last to be operated on because he was the least likely to survive.
In the documentary, which the BBC said last week it was considering re-screening as part of its 25th anniversary coverage, the re-enactment of Lawrence killing soldiers with a broken bayonet prompted widespread opprobrium. For Lawrence, it was a fuss over nothing. It was what soldiers did; they killed people. 'There are so many different levels of killing. You can shoot someone using a night sight from 60 yards and watch a guy fall over.
'It's not morally very hard to pull a trigger, but it is physically hard to get people to die, because usually they don't want to. The ultimate level is bayoneting, because there is a physical link between the two of you. The cleanliness of television goes out of the window. You don't stab them in the stomach, twist and withdraw.
'They grab on to the blade, it stabs them in the mouth, catches them everywhere', he said, his gaze wandering outside to the rolling hills of the Hampshire countryside.
When repatriated to Britain, Lawrence was almost totally paralysed and spent a year in a wheelchair. His recovery has amazed everyone who has met him. But the mental anguish would prove harder to overcome. If Tumbledown asked a nation whether it should feel guilty about sending young men to kill with broken bayonets, it also asked whether enough help was given to the wounded and veterans who left the army to trudge back to civvy street.
In the 90-minute programme, which was watched by 10.5 million 19 years ago, Lawrence endures symptoms described by psychiatrists as similar to the trauma of parental separation; anxiety, rage, emotional reconciliation. Even now, Lawrence believes that soldiers who thrive on the white-hot pride of their bravery are still not encouraged to seek help when they are struggling to cope.
Lawrence also worries that those in Afghanistan and Iraq are fighting a cause too few understand or support, a dynamic that can easily erode soldiers' sanity: 'The bottom line is that replacing military hospitals with NHS wards is an insult. If NHS hospitals were considered the best in Europe, then fine, but sadly they are not.'
The returning hero of Tumbledown expected he would be looked after by the military establishment. After all, he had been awarded the Military Cross, which hangs in the downstairs bathroom of the family home. But he felt like the army's abnormal child. Lawrence was not invited to the Lord Mayor's victory parade, while his wheelchair was tucked into the shadows at the service of remembrance at St Paul's, because his injuries were insufficiently telegenic. Even now, he has no official disabled badge or letter from the army recognising his circumstances and the nature of his injuries.
'It is such little things that can degrade you,' he said, pulling at another cigarette with his right hand, his paralysed left arm hanging in a sling, his left hand obscured with a black glove. 'There's a nail coming through my hand. I was doing some heavy work and the titanium bent in my arm and pushed the nail up to make a tent of skin the top of my hand.'
Lawrence has attempted to discover what happened to all his comrades in the Falklands. Via the South Atlantic Medal Association, he requested MoD funding for a definitive assessment of what effect the war had exerted among the veterans: Where were they living? Had they married? Divorced? How many were still alive? The government refused to support the project. All that is known is that, during the ensuing 25 years, more Falklands veterans have committed suicide than the 255 that died during hostilities.
Lawrence wrote When The Fighting Is Over with his father, the best-seller that would form the inspiration for Tumbledown. It was John Lawrence who most resolutely defended his son during the fallout from the programme.
Seven days after the death of his father, his mother, Jean, suffered a stroke that paralysed her right-hand side. Lawrence sought military help for his mother, who also served in the RAF, in the hope that the sacrifice and service displayed by his family might secure her a bed at the military rehabilitation centre at Headley Court, Surrey. She was refused.
'They talk about an extended family, but they cannot extend that help when you most need support. If you look at modern corporations like ICI or Microsoft, you'd expect to be looked after. Why not the army?'
Marion still wonders how many lives her husband has left. He was the indestructible teenager in Northern Ireland, the one who always stumbled across the paramilitary bomb caches, the one who craved the gunfights.
'I would hate going to bed, in case the shoot-out at the OK Corral kicked off while I was sleeping,' said Lawrence. One morning shortly after they met, Marion received a sequence of three answering machine messages from him.
The first described Lawrence being woken up by a passing motorcyclist in Sydney after falling asleep in his jeep at traffic lights. In the second he mumbled about nearly dropping off again. The third, from hospital, was confirmation that Lawrence had broken his back after veering off the road.
Lawrence was always regarded as a tearaway and, aged 16, was 'expelled' from Scottish public school Fettes, which the Prime Minister, Tony Blair, had attended a few years earlier, and admits he only joined the army to appease his father. Lawrence discovered he was a gifted soldier and that he loved military life. The Scots Guard became his life, his family.
Lawrence not only offers proof of the human spirit's indomitably, but also that love can be found after it has been lost.
Disillusioned with the attacks on his credibility following Tumbledown, he moved to Sydney in 1989 to make a fresh start with his then wife, Tina, and their two children. But new pressures arose. Over time, the relationship crumbled amid squabbles over money and the demands of a young family.
Lawrence remained optimistic. His near-death experience had benefited the lieutenant with an unswerving self-confidence. Psychologists have told him that he suffers from 'reduced inhibition', which, he gleefully admits, allows him to be candid and curse a lot.
Lawrence met Marion, the daughter of a senior executive with HSBC, at the Cannes film festival in 1994. She had been living in Australia and was one of the few Britons who failed to recognise the former Falklands officer. They clicked immediately, moving back to England in 2002, where they spent 15 months designing and converting their Hampshire barn.
'He's amazingly honest, which I love', she said. 'I can't think of anyone else I would rather spend dinner with.
'There have been difficult times with what he's been through, but we've been great support for each other,' she added. Lawrence can also still count on the support of the men he fought alongside that June morning in 1982.
When police recently found cannabis plants growing in the sprawling grounds of their home, an old friend rang and volunteered to take the rap by telling officers that Lawrence was only looking after them.
'He said he couldn't have the boss doing bird,' laughed Lawrence.' Officers cautioned Lawrence for the illegal crop, smoked by the ex-soldier to numb his pain during the winter cold. A more agreeable option, he vouches, than hours of daily rehabilitation.
'I'm not going to do physiotherapy twice a day just so I can give you the thumbs-up with my left hand. The angst and self-destruction have gone. I have what I need. Yes,' nodding at his family, 'my glass is certainly half-full.'