Anyone face this problem Re : wife & trade

[RTaylor]

Hey all,

So Ive been waiting for my call to basic, anticipating it with glee as a matter of fact, but in the recent weeks (well, as of last week) my father (ex infantry officer), my cousin (current Infantry Captain) and my wife talked about the trade Ive choosen for my career path in the forces, which is Combat Engineer of course.

Anyways, my wife supports my entering the forces even with 1 child and a 2nd on the way which in my opinion is nothing short of a miracle and just shows how much of a lucky guy I am as most of her friends started bitching at her as to why she'd let me enter. That hasn't even entered the equation as she knows I'll be gone alot on training and so forth for a while.

The issue lies in her idea of the Combat Engineer trade. My father, being retired miltary has fed her all sorts of info I really didnt want her to hear, such as clearing mines, detonating IEDs, the chance of being in active combat and so forth.And to feed the friggen fire, the local Legion in my area is a very popular place for many people, and many of those are retired military as well...sigh. From these sources she's been forming her own idea that I'll be strapped with C4 and grenades, ready to haul ass with the infantry on the front lines while clearing mines in the middle of Iraq and being in firefights 24/7. That and they've told her I'd be away pretty well 10 months of the year either on exercise or overseas.

do realize I'll end up overseas, possibly clearing mines or out with the infantry breaching doors, etc, or clearing out ammo dumps and so forth. There's also alot of other aspects like construction that seems pretty nifty.

I really need something to use as a comeback, because she wants me to now (before I sign the dotted line) to go Air Force so I can be safer, as well as be home more often. I've showed her this site and tried to get her to read some of it, but she says that the info is just too diluted and scattered.

Dear god someone help me out, although I respect all branches of the Forces, Combat Engineer is what I want to start out in as it seems extremely varied and interesting.

 

[043]

You know what???

You are going to get all of that in the Combat Engineers........and you are going to hours of boredom mixed with crazy, intense seconds or minutes of craziness! But I say bring it on........

If you want to become a Sapper.......become a Sapper........try it for a few years and then if you don't like it, remuster to something cushier.

Chimo! Come on in, I am sure you will enjoy the ride!!!!

 

[RTaylor]

lol thanks for that 2023, much appreciated...just remind me to hide it from the wifey lmao.

I was in the Infantry reserves and I found us doing all sorts of inane boring repetitive crap all the time (cleaning gear over and over and over and over). I've tried to tell her that that is what I'll be doing most of the time lol.

 

[geo]

RT,
As 2023 has said, there is a lot of action and a lot of boredom in the trade.... and pert much the same thing can be said about ALL trades.

There is something to be said about the Combat engineers / Field engineers.... they spend plenty of time looking at what has to be done, figuring how it has to be done and identifying the resources that are needed to do the job properly.  Then and only then will we go out and do it... and we will do it well...

We work long hours and we don't cut corners... 

Now, if you want someone who cuts corners, the infantry..... well.....

Then again, you've done some infantrying so you have a good idea of what I am suggesting about the infantry

Engineers
First In & Last Out...

Come on in, the water's fine

CHIMO!

 

[RTaylor]

LOL Thanks Geo. I'm not one to cut corners, if something has to be done it has to be done right, and I can't stand people who overthink, dont think or avoid solving a problem that needs tackling which is what I saw alot of in the infantry.

I told her that I can always remuster, but apparently she has other ideas lol.

 

[vonGarvin]

RTaylor
I'll try to post a serious reply for you.
Irrespective of trade, the CF does have its inherent "dangers" or "frictions" to family life.  The first and obvious one is that as far as the service is concerned, the priority of needs is as follows:
Mission first
Subordinates next
Self last.
That "Self" includes family.  Now, it is no longer as draconian as it once was; however the CF is very utilitarian in that the requirements of the forces outweigh the needs of the individual.  We all have what is called "unlimited liability", which in short means that we can be expected to put ourselves in harm's way, sometimes at the expense of our lives.  Now, the CF does try to limit adverse effects on family life; however, when the chips are down, people are forced to go places they would rather not.  This is not just Afghanistan, but also to "unpopular bases", away from the extended family.  We also train at odd hours (including weekends and holidays on occasion).

So, my advice to you would be to tell your wife that there are of course dangers in any CF trade, but the greatest strain on family life will include, but won't be limited to:
Frequent family moves
Long working hours
Short notice "deployments" (going to work at 3 in the morning because someone called)
So, there are many sacrifices to be made, and yes, that includes the family...

I hope this helps

 

[geo]

RT,
Over the years I have trained a lot with all of the combat arms... Armd, Infantry and Artillerty.
On exsercises when we receive a task to clear a mine field, we use ALL the means at our disposal to reduce the risk ... and that takes time... which drives the other guys NUTS!  Many times we have been pushed asside, told we're just taking way longer than we should and they barge through our lines.
BUT, you know what, Today, in Afghanistan, if someone tells em there's a mine field & it has to be cleared.... they'll wait!
Funny thing what a dose of reality will do for someone who'se a young charger with nary a care in the world.

 

[Dog]

RTaylor,

Whatever you decide, you must decide it with her input, otherwise, regardless of what she says now, she will resent you for leaving her for courses, training, deployment.... you have to make the decision a joint one. That she has come up with an idea of what being a sapper entails, and didn't really miss the mark (aside from that Iraq comment... damn that annoys me!), tells me that you gave her a wrong impression that it was going to be different... believe me, I know what it's like to have your career restrained by your wife/family.... you'll wish at times, that you had joined when you were younger..... especially when your knees fall off

Seriously though, try not to sugarcoat your job, and don't hide anything about it from her.... you need her full support, otherwise, things (courses, taskings, exercises...) become twice as hard as they normally would be.

 

[Kat Stevens]

Sooo, you, the guy who will actually be doing all that Danny Danger stuff, are completely OK with the risks you are about to volunteer to take.  Your wife, who is basing her choice for your future on innuendo and second hand information, wants you not to do this.  I know what my feelings on that are:  I would resent her for the rest of my life for stopping me from doing something I wanted so badly.  Hell, it took me 20 years and a divorce to get over her making me sell my motorcycle in 1982.  Your life, your decision, I suppose... please deposit your testicles in the container provided to you with your marriage certificate, and prepare for this to happen again, and often.


This is only half meant to be humorous. Seriously, do what you think is right for you, not what you're told by others is right for you.

 

[RTaylor]

lol Kat, my wife is just upset at the thoughts of me being gone more often than I have to be (some of the guys are ex-Air and they've stated that they didnt leave their base alot except for some training and overseas, and they were home more often than not at night).

I'm prepared to go for it for the first few years to see how it treats me and my family, I think that I'm going to put my foot down. I'm already 29 going on 30 in August and I need to live a little, and Combat Engineer seems to be an amazing choice.

Am I right to say that the trade is very varied and I'll be doing a plethoria of different things as time goes by?

 

[vonGarvin]

Am I right to say that the trade is very varied and I'll be doing a plethoria of different things as time goes by?

I am NOT a combat engineer, but I have worked with many.  They do have a varied trade, and in fact, they also have to train as infantry soldiers, as that is the secondary role of the engineers.  Very demanding work, and from what I can tell (from the bleachers, as it were), it is quite rewarding as well.

I wish you (and yours) all the best.

 

[RTaylor]

Ive been working the angle lately that by being a Combat Engineer that I'll be in shape and stay in shape more often than I would being in the air force. Dunno how that'll pan out but its worth a try.

 

[vonGarvin]

Instead of making a comparison to a relative unkown (the Air Force), why not say something along the lines of "I find it an interesting trade.  I think I would enjoy my work, and it could benefit the both of us by making our family a part of something larger?" (eg: the military community).

Also, have you tried showing her the propaganda movies the army has about the various trades on the CF site?  That might help.  There may even be a FAQ somewhere about military family life...

Information is power 

 

[RTaylor]

Yeah the propaganda movies worked until she started talking to people.  :crybaby:

 

[sgf]

why not just discuss this with her, explain how much this trade means to you. but at the end of the day dont forget you are in the military for maybe 25 years and married to her for a lot longer. Your marriage and your family are way more important. You and her need to reach a compromise that everyone can be happy. Its a lot of responsiblity that you are asking your wife to take on, raising a family alone etc.
also give the woman some credit, do you honestly think she is going to be fooled by movies.... why try to fool her anyway.. thats not a great way to start a marriage

 

[Roy Harding]

Bring her here.

Seriously - there are MANY threads of interest to her on The Home Front forum.

 

[GIJoes doll]

Roy is absolutly right. BRING HER HERE! When my dh told me he wanted to join the CF, I stood behind him 100% I of course wanted to learn every thing I could so I learned of this site and have accually come here almost Every day since July 07 but I have never signed up( this is my first post by the way here lol, but I thought I could shed some light from the wife's side.)  My dh went armour. I am the proudest wife out there. I'm fairly new to the military family because dh graduated BMQ in Nov. We have been married for almost 12 years and have been together for 14. I told him the day I married him that no matter what he ever wanted to do or where he wanted to go I'd support him and that's my promise I intend to keep. Of course I worry that He'll have to go over and perhaps not come home alive but on the other hand, Our Maker knew from before we were born the date and time we'd croak and I realized I can't change that so he may as well be happy doing what he wants too. He used to be a tool and dye maker and made tonnes of money. We are making about half of what we did before but he's a damn lucky guy cause I'm low maintinance lol.  I've spent hours upon hours here reading posts new and old and I've learned alot from you guys. I try to not get involved too much because its kind of out of my league to post but I thought I'd make an exception here! You also mentioned kids, We have 2, a boy who's 11 and a girl who's 4. They are so proud of their Dad. The first thing my daughter says to people is My Daddy's in the army! Life doesn't get much better then that. I was terrified to be alone when dh left for basic but somehow the strength came to me and then I got really used to a Queen bed to myself lol. jk Seriously, Your wife will do alot of growing and she'll learn so much about herself. There were days I though Oh Lordy how am I gonna make it threw but you just do it because you have to. There's no choice. I also have to leave a job that I've had for 6 years and  that I absolutely love but To me this was his dream and if he's happy I'm happy. I'll give him anything I have to make him happy.
I am so PROUD of all our soldiers.

 

[sgf]

wow! i also hope that he would give you anything to make you happy...

 

[GIJoes doll]

He gives me everything I need and more but like I said I don't need anything fancy.(low maintenance) Family is the most important thing to both of us. I forgot to mention I even took a gun course to learn about guns  ;D  Now I can go to the range with him ... I informed him that his M14 is mine now lol. He didn't think that was funny.

 

[Gunner98]

Bring her here. Seriously - there are MANY threads of interest to her on The Home Front forum.

Roy:

When I saw the topic title and then your reply, all I could think was someone has a problem in trading his wife for what?  Then why would he have more luck if he brought her 'here'.  The old joke: "I got a new car for my wife."  "Nice trade." ;D

All:

But seriously, my father-in-law served 37 years in AF, I have 23+ years in Army/HS. Neither spouse is/was very pleased with the places they lived, the friends they did not make but as far a standard of living and safe environment in which to raise kids, neither would change a thing. :