Author Topic: More and more funnies.. vol: something...  (Read 676899 times)

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Offline Rifleman62

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #575 on: May 29, 2011, 11:04:46 »
Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.
 
She’d hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. “Excuse me, miss,” said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. “The Hilton doesn’t mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday.”
 
“What difference does it make?” Joan asked rather calmly.

“No one can see me up here, and besides, I’m covered with a towel.”

“Not exactly,” said the embarrassed man. “You’re lying on the dining room skylight.
Never Congratulate Yourself In Victory, Nor Blame Your Horses In Defeat - Old Cossack Expression

Offline Bacon

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #576 on: May 29, 2011, 11:07:14 »
An Air Man, a Sailor, a Marine, a Soldier, are walking in Iraq. They see a mud hut sitting on the horrizon. The soldiers want to set up a defensive perimiter, the Airforce wants to rent it for 4 years, the Navy want to paint it, and the Marines want to blow it up.

 :deadhorse:

Offline Rifleman62

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #577 on: May 31, 2011, 12:59:37 »
Battle at F-Stop Ridge

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awq90APEVgw

Well Done.
Never Congratulate Yourself In Victory, Nor Blame Your Horses In Defeat - Old Cossack Expression

Offline Baden Guy

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #578 on: June 02, 2011, 07:37:38 »
Photo was taken by my F-15 comrades guarding the airspace for launch. Thanks to all that you and all our military members sacrifice for our country!



Offline Sigger

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #579 on: June 03, 2011, 10:34:54 »
Not all that funny, but pretty damned cool.
-VVV-

Offline Technoviking

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #580 on: June 03, 2011, 11:00:39 »
So, there I was....

Offline S.M.A.

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"Captain Kirk" - William Shatner confesses fear of space travel
« Reply #581 on: June 03, 2011, 12:45:31 »
So much for "boldly going..."

Quote

link


'Capt. Kirk' scared of space travel: William Shatner confesses his fears

By Peter Rakobowchuk, The Canadian Press | The Canadian Press – 19 hours ago


MONTREAL - Even though more than a dozen Canadians have already signed up for commercial space flights, the country's most famous astronaut has no intention of joining them.

That's because the man who rose to fame playing Capt. James T. Kirk is, as it turns out, not crazy about the idea of visiting space.

William Shatner, the Star Trek protagonist, explained Thursday why he has no intention to boldly go anywhere beyond the Earth's atmosphere.

"I'm scared," the 80-year-old told a news conference, after he was given an honorary doctorate of Letters at his alma mater, Montreal's McGill University.

Shatner publicly expressed reticence years ago when asked whether he might ever take advantage of new opportunities in space travel. He went further Thursday, explaining at a news conference why it won't happen.

Virgin Galactic, one of billionaire Richard Branson's many companies, has already booked more than 300 suborbital flights.

The company hopes to complete its test phase and begin launching flights next year. Its plan for suborbital flights means its ships would go up into space, without completing an orbit of the Earth.

Fourteen of the passengers signed up to fly are Canadians.

Shatner says Branson offered him a spot — which would have cost US$200,000.

"I said, 'Well, that's not much, (but) how much do you guarantee to come back?' And he didn't have a price on that," Shatner quipped.

"He (Branson) wanted me to go up and pay for it and I said: 'Hey, you pay me and I'll go up. I'll risk my life for a large sum of money.' ... But he didn't pick me up on my offer."

It was widely reported in September 2006 that the Star Trek legend was offered a ticket by Branson aboard Virgin Galactic's first passenger flight — which was originally planned for 2008.

At the time, Shatner said he was worried about getting sick.

"I'm interested in man's march into the unknown but to vomit in space is not my idea of a good time. Neither is a fiery crash with the vomit hovering over me," he said at the time.
Our Country
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"A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: We did it ourselves."   - Lao Zi (老子)
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"Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm."
- Winston Churchill

Offline helpup

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #582 on: June 03, 2011, 13:09:56 »
Now that is funny.  I like that he mentioned he would think about it if he was paid to go.  That man knows he has a price and is honest about it. ;-)
she turned me into a Newt!!

Offline Rifleman62

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #583 on: June 04, 2011, 09:31:11 »
Siamese twins walk into a bar in Canada and park themselves on a bar stool..

One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip.
I'm John,  he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please."

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while
pouring the beers.  "Been on holiday yet, lads?"

"Off to  England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a
car and drive for miles.    Don't we, Jim ?" Jim agrees.

"Ah,  England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country... the history, the beer, the culture..."

"Nah, we don't like that British crap,"  says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer,
that's us, eh Jim ?  And we  can't stand the English - they're so arrogant and rude."

"So why keep going to England ?" asks the  bartender.

"It's the only chance Jim gets to  drive."
Never Congratulate Yourself In Victory, Nor Blame Your Horses In Defeat - Old Cossack Expression

Offline Rifleman62

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #584 on: June 05, 2011, 16:06:45 »

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: dgshanks@mymts.net
To: dgshanks@mymts.net
Subject: Catholic Parrots
Date: Sun, 5 Jun 2011 14:20:54 -0500


Catholic Parrots

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know to say one thing'

'What do they say?' the priest asked.

They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,

Then he thought for a moment.....

'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible...

Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.

My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship,
And your parrots are sure to stop saying... That phrase... In no time.'

'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'

The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest's house.... As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying...

Impressed, She walked over and placed her parrots in with them...

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:  'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence...

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says,

'Put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered!'
 
 
 


 

 


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Offline 211RadOp

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #585 on: June 05, 2011, 22:22:40 »
Is beer on a keyboard a good thing???
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Offline wson

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #586 on: June 07, 2011, 22:44:44 »
Saw this on facebook, thought it was funny!

Offline Fishbone Jones

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #587 on: June 09, 2011, 15:05:59 »
Bill O'Reilly flips out, best Rick Rolled ever  ;D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIcx_rxTstc
Corruption in politics doesn't scare me.
What scares me is how comfortable people are doing nothing about it.

Offline Rifleman62

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #588 on: June 10, 2011, 19:37:24 »
As it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, try this one:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Jordanian, a Kiwi, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an Argentinean, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an African went to a night club.
 
The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai."
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Offline Foxhound

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #589 on: June 10, 2011, 19:48:43 »
1983 - Regimental Centennial
HRH Price Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh:  "And where are you from, Corporal?"
Cpl. Bloggins, 1 RCR C of D: "Belfast Sahr!"
HRH Price Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh:  "Well Corporal, next time you go home, you'd better wear your iron knickers."

Offline Teeps74

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #590 on: June 11, 2011, 13:12:19 »
The first 36 seconds of this is priceless.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SG23bVpw65o&feature=player_embedded

Found in this article on Cracked.com:

http://www.cracked.com/article_19253_7-legendary-acts-petty-revenge.html

That is nothing short of epic! It would so be worth the hundreds of extras to do that!
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    is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists
    in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."
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Offline Hammer Sandwich

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #591 on: June 11, 2011, 14:54:27 »

The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai."

 :rofl:

That...was....brilliant.
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Offline 57Chevy

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #592 on: June 12, 2011, 08:21:53 »
I got a kick out of this one from facebook:

Offline Retired AF Guy

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #593 on: June 17, 2011, 08:56:45 »
Reproduced under Section 29 of the copyright act:
"Leave one wolf alive, and the sheep are never safe."

Arya Stark

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #594 on: June 23, 2011, 22:25:58 »
I thought this was too funny...

Hey now.....you can't compare Canadian living to.......oh wait....you attached pictures.

Thanks, rioters.

Dinks.
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"Tell them you eat babies" bdave, 2010

Offline PMedMoe

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #595 on: June 24, 2011, 07:30:20 »
New Alcohol Warning Labels

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you
are whispering when you are not.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
like a retard.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again that you love them.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you
can sing.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-
lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think
people are laughing WITH you.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in
getting your *** kicked..
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan
tpye reel Gode.

"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
~ Lao Tzu~

Offline 211RadOp

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #596 on: June 24, 2011, 07:33:28 »
New Alcohol Warning Labels

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan
tpye reel Gode.

HEY!! How did you get ahold of one of my QL3 typing tests!!  :threat:
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Offline Journeyman

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #597 on: June 24, 2011, 07:43:13 »
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan
tpye reel Gode.
Well, that explains many of the Recruiting threads' posts.

Offline Rifleman62

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #598 on: June 24, 2011, 09:36:53 »
Further to: http://forums.army.ca/forums/index.php/topic,100124.0.html

New Snowbirds equipment and personnel.

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Offline Romanmaz

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #599 on: June 24, 2011, 13:14:15 »
BMQ Sept. 5th for Infantry