Author Topic: More and more funnies.. vol: something...  (Read 682600 times)

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Online GAP

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #200 on: May 28, 2010, 11:57:10 »
The Horse and Chicken
   

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play
together. One day, the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.

Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no
avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the
chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the
chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his
friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best
Pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too,
began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life. The horse
thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking
underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he could
then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse
pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story? (Yes, there's a moral!)


"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!"
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I´m not so sure about the universe

Online GAP

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #201 on: May 31, 2010, 13:38:30 »
An interesting take.....
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I´m not so sure about the universe

Offline Alea

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #202 on: May 31, 2010, 13:44:37 »
An interesting take.....

 :rofl:

... except that I would not want to see myself eaten by little "bibites" and get out of my grave (yark)... I like the sound of it all. It also reminds me of that "The curious case of Benjamin Botton" movie.


Edit: for spell check
« Last Edit: May 31, 2010, 13:48:29 by Alea »
"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear" Buddhist proverb

Offline PMedMoe

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #203 on: June 03, 2010, 09:37:42 »
From personal experience the last couple of days:

Definition of irony:  Hospital security handing out fines* to people smoking in non-smoking areas on hospital property and then smoking in non-smoking areas themselves.

Definition of confusing:  A person in a left-hand turn lane with their right-hand turn signal blinking.

*Note:  Fines (as with parking fines here) are payable to the hospital and not the city.   ::)
"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
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Offline Rifleman62

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #204 on: June 03, 2010, 10:31:09 »
Sunday Morning Sex
 
I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling.

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
 
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along..   
Never Congratulate Yourself In Victory, Nor Blame Your Horses In Defeat - Old Cossack Expression

Offline PMedMoe

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #205 on: June 05, 2010, 11:32:01 »
Now, this is ironic......

"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
~ Lao Tzu~

Offline mariomike

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #206 on: June 05, 2010, 16:21:03 »
Now, this is ironic......

1) I am not an insurance expert. But, I wonder if a homeowner policy would be more likely to pay off for a fire, than a flood ( act of nature )?

2) Like the song says, is it possible to be too sexy?:
( Viewer discretion is advised. Speakers only, perhaps. ):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q75gREOjyFI

"Sexy prison guard too gorgeous, fired":
http://glossynews.com/society/strange-people/200908270551/sexy-prison-guard-too-gorgeous-fired/
« Last Edit: June 05, 2010, 16:42:44 by mariomike »

Offline Technoviking

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #207 on: June 05, 2010, 21:53:48 »

Sign number 68 that God has answered your prayers for forgiveness with a resounding NO!  ;D
So, there I was....

Offline S.M.A.

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #208 on: June 07, 2010, 12:51:11 »
Over 900 students and faculty at the University of Victoria, in BC, staged their own version of the music video for the song "Hey Soul Sister".

Youtube link
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Offline Baden Guy

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #209 on: June 07, 2010, 13:11:07 »
Loved it! Joy, music, dancing, fun ........Great

Thanks for the link  CD. ;D


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tglSCIpaXPs&feature=fvsr
« Last Edit: June 07, 2010, 13:13:56 by Baden Guy »

Offline 57Chevy

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #210 on: June 07, 2010, 21:10:49 »
Over 900 students and faculty at the University of Victoria, in BC, staged their own version of the music video for the song "Hey Soul Sister".

Youtube link

Excellent.......a definite arts credit
 :cheers:

Offline Dou You

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #211 on: June 07, 2010, 23:09:19 »
Over 900 students and faculty at the University of Victoria, in BC, staged their own version of the music video for the song "Hey Soul Sister".

Youtube link

Although it is an amazing video, I think that is actually a school in Spain not UVic in BC...
It's definitely a video that makes you happy for watching it though!  :nod:
Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.   -   Muhammad Ali

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #212 on: June 14, 2010, 15:05:45 »
SMART ***:

Two young businessmen  in Florida  were sitting  down for a break in their soon-to-be new  store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only  a few shelves and display racks set up.   
One said to the other,  "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by,  put his face to the window, and ask what we're  selling."

Sure enough,  just a moment later,  a  curious senior gentleman walked up to the window,  looked around intensely and rapped  on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?"

One of  the men  replied sarcastically, "We're selling ***-holes." Without skipping a  beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well. Only two left."
 
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I´m not so sure about the universe

Offline PMedMoe

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #213 on: June 14, 2010, 16:10:56 »
A teenage boy asked his father for a car.  His father said, "If you bring your grades up, study your Bible more and get a hair cut, we'll talk about it."

The boy brought ups his grades and studied his Bible, but did not get a hair cut.

A few months later, the father said, "Well, you really improved your grades and I notice you reading the Bible all the time, but why haven't you got a hair cut?"

The boy replied, "Well, while studying the Bible, I noted that Jesus and all his Apostles and everyone else had long hair, so I figured, why should I cut mine?"

The father said, "Did you also notice that they walked everywhere?"

 ;D

As a parent, it's always great to get the last word.

"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
~ Lao Tzu~

Offline PMedMoe

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #214 on: June 14, 2010, 17:34:46 »
Although it is an amazing video, I think that is actually a school in Spain not UVic in BC...
It's definitely a video that makes you happy for watching it though!  :nod:

Finally got around to watching this.  Excellent video, looks like they had loads of fun!

And yes, UVIC is in Spain:  http://www.uvic.cat/en

In Vic, Spain, to be exact.   ;)
"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
~ Lao Tzu~

Offline McD

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #215 on: June 14, 2010, 18:42:48 »
Although it is an amazing video, I think that is actually a school in Spain not UVic in BC...
It's definitely a video that makes you happy for watching it though!  :nod:

This really was well done! I picked the wrong school to go to.
In mathematics, you know where you are, but don't know where you might be. In physics, you don't know where you are, let alone where you might be.

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Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
- Oscar Wilde

Online GAP

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #216 on: June 14, 2010, 20:28:49 »
BP Oil Spill Response Parodies Flood YouTube

http://www.wikio.com/video/bp-spills-coffee-3436161
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I´m not so sure about the universe

Offline PMedMoe

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #217 on: June 15, 2010, 07:51:19 »
Raging bull, running matador

The bull charged and matador Christian Hernandez took off — across the ring, over the wall and into controversy.

The admittedly terrified torero was arrested after Sunday's botched bullfight at the Plaza Mexico, apparently for breach of contract, local media reported Monday. He was released after paying a fine.

"There are some things you must be aware of about yourself," the 22-year-old Mexican matador said in a television interview. "I didn't have the ability, I didn't have the balls, this is not my thing."

In a sight rarely seen in the bravado world of bullfighting, Hernandez made a spin with his red cape at the charging bull, then ran across the ring and leapt headlong over the wall to safety, dropping his cape in the process. The crowd hooted in derision.

......

He later said he would retire from bullfighting.

A bit more at link

Must have been one heck of a bullfight.   ::)
"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
~ Lao Tzu~

Offline 2010newbie

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #218 on: June 15, 2010, 08:02:45 »
The Pilot from Tac.tv (3 parts)

Claymation video of airline pilots calling in a mayday and air traffic control scrambling two CF-18's to intercept.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XttWE_2ahjg&feature=PlayList&p=3B7F3862350404CB&playnext_from=PL&playnext=2


Offline Rifleman62

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #219 on: June 19, 2010, 11:16:12 »
Old Guys should be careful!

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc.  This is the first warning I have seen for men.  I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Rona, Home Depot, Costco, or Wal-Mart customers.  This one caught me totally by surprise.

Over the last month, I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.  Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic.  Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your shopping into your vehicle.  They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's almost impossible not to look.)  When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No', but instead ask for a ride to McDonalds.

You agree, and they climb into the vehicle.  On the way, they start undressing.  Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen May 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 24th.  Also June 1st, 4th,9th, 12th twice on the 15th, three times last Friday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.  What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men.  Warn your friends to be vigilant.

By the way, Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each.  I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Store and bought them out in three of their stores.

Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds.  I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Costco, etc..

So, please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the look out for this scam.  (Incidentally, the best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)
Never Congratulate Yourself In Victory, Nor Blame Your Horses In Defeat - Old Cossack Expression

Offline Teeps74

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #220 on: June 19, 2010, 13:43:44 »
Ok, thank god I am aware enough to only drink water while reading these forums... Water out the nose still sucks though.  Thanks!
"... to fight and conquer in all your battles
    is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists
    in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."
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Offline Luke O

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #221 on: June 21, 2010, 08:56:21 »
Haha Rifleman, that was a good one.

Offline PMedMoe

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #222 on: June 21, 2010, 17:32:21 »
There's a commercial I've been hearing on the radio lately that goes something like this:

"Ottawa is about to see a shortage of workers never seen before."

So, if we've never seen these workers, how can there be a shortage?   ???

 ;D

Edit to add:  It's a commercial to register for a seminar/work group to be a "Gen Y employer".   ::)
« Last Edit: June 22, 2010, 06:59:10 by PMedMoe »
"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #223 on: June 21, 2010, 20:32:51 »
THE  OLD RANCHER

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town.
Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a 'mail order' bride..

Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true.

Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be.
 
Tom proudly said,  'She'll be twenty-one in November.'
Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man.

Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.

About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again.

'How's the new wife?', asked the banker.

Tom proudly said, 'Good - she's pregnant.'

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, 'And how's the hired hand?'

Without hesitating, Tom said, 'She's pregnant too.'

Don't ever underestimate old guys!!!    ;D
"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
~ Lao Tzu~

Offline SARgirl

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #224 on: June 21, 2010, 20:43:20 »
The other day, heading down a freeway, I saw a vehicle done up with big letters across the back of his vehicle which said, "Traffic Ticket Defense" and then some sort of logo about getting out of tickets.  Behind this vehicle, was a cop car... the cop car followed the "Traffic Ticket Defense" vehicle's every move for blocks and blocks until I lost sight of them.  I can't help but, to think, the cop may have been messing with him a bit... following the "Traffic Ticket Defense" vehicle, just to un-nerve him a bit.  At first, I didn't think much about the Traffic Ticket Defense vehicle... until I saw the cop car pull up behind him; I couldn't help but, to get a chuckle out of a moment like that.  It would have made for a great photo, if I had my camera with me.
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