Author Topic: More and more funnies.. vol: something...  (Read 676900 times)

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Offline PMedMoe

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #950 on: April 04, 2012, 06:02:02 »
And we wonder why kids are so dumb:  Public education.   :facepalm:
"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
~ Lao Tzu~

Offline Hamish Seggie

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #951 on: April 04, 2012, 14:56:22 »
And we wonder why kids are so dumb:  Public education.   :facepalm:

Yes can't you accept the teachings? CONFESS!!!!  >:D
Freedom Isn't Free   "Never Shall I Fail My Brothers"

“Do everything that is necessary and nothing that is not".

Offline PMedMoe

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #952 on: April 05, 2012, 09:14:39 »
Stress (n.): the phenomenon caused when the brain's instinctual urge to scream, curse, and throw things is combated by the body's need to put on a happy face.

 :pullhair:

 :nod:
"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
~ Lao Tzu~

Offline Loachman

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #953 on: April 05, 2012, 09:33:42 »
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2012/04/04/19594346.html

Drunk trio goes through carwash naked

By Derek Bedry, QMI Agency
   
A trio of drunk 20-year-olds won't face charges for going through an Abbotsford, B.C., carwash naked. (Shutterstock)

VANCOUVER - Lucky for three drunk Abbotsford, B.C., men who went naked through a carwash, their records will remain squeaky clean.

Midnight Wednesday, police responded to calls from Abbotsford residents who woke to the sounds of screams.

“Somehow (the three men) found themselves outside a car wash, and conveniently there’s a shopping cart nearby,” said Const. Ian MacDonald. “They decided it would be a really good idea to strip down and run themselves and the cart through the car wash. Need I say they were intoxicated?”

MacDonald said the trio, all 20 years old, told police they weren’t sure if they had pressed the “typhoon” or “super typhoon” setting, but “whatever they chose had the effect of pounding them with really cold water and effectively pressure-washing them.”

“They did of course experience the effects of rotating bristles and likely warm soap, but it was the water that generated the greatest reaction, which was yelling and screaming that caused the neighbours to be awoken and call police,” MacDonald said.

After making sure they were not injured and listening to their apologies for what they recognized was a poor life choice, police sent the three men home to sleep it off.
 
MacDonald tweeted Wednesday: “Pressure washing yourself will not increase intelligence or sobriety.”

Offline Danjanou

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #954 on: April 05, 2012, 09:41:23 »
And we wonder why kids are so dumb:  Public education.   :facepalm:

I needed that Moe. 1994, 18 years ago. Alex was probably kicked out school but has ammassed a fortune running his own business. The rest of his classmates alternate between saying "would you like fries with that" and lining up for their welfare cheques. The teacher has retired on a noice indexed pension and spends her time writing comments on the CBC website.
NASA spent $12 Million designing a pen that could write in the zero gravity environment of space. The Russians went with pencils.

Offline PMedMoe

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #955 on: April 07, 2012, 14:00:52 »
JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN

A guy calls the company and orders their 5-day, 10 pound weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there before him stands
a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair
of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later
after huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has
lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day, there's a knock at the door and there stands the most
stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is
wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck
that reads, 'If you catch me, you can have me'.

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in
excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the
next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in
better and better shape.
Much to his delight, on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he
discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50
pound program. 'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone.

'This is our most rigorous program.'
'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'
The next day, there's a knock at the door and, when he opens it, he
finds a huge, muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink
running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you,
you're mine.'
He lost 63 pounds that week.
"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
~ Lao Tzu~

Offline Rifleman62

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #956 on: April 08, 2012, 11:49:58 »
Another great day!
 
Been to the gym, then had a nice shower.
 
I've just picked up a bottle of home brew from one of the neighbours for this afternoon.
 
I've got a few joints rolled up for the XBox tournament with the lads.
 
After that I'll muck around online with some porn and gambling sites.
 
Then to finish off the perfect day, it's a nice blow job before I go to bed.
 
Damn, I love prison!
Never Congratulate Yourself In Victory, Nor Blame Your Horses In Defeat - Old Cossack Expression

Offline GAP

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #957 on: April 18, 2012, 13:24:14 »
Somehow I think you should be able to name this song.  I couldn't.  Guess I'm not bad enough yet.
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You'll  kick yourself!! Think harder!!!!!
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Can you name the song, just by  looking at the picture?  (answer in 1 hour)
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I´m not so sure about the universe

Offline Cardstonkid

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UBIQUE!

Offline GAP

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #959 on: April 20, 2012, 14:08:09 »
yep
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I´m not so sure about the universe

Offline alocin

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #960 on: April 20, 2012, 14:49:11 »

Offline SGT-RMSCLK

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #961 on: April 21, 2012, 13:29:54 »
Somehow I think you should be able to name this song.  I couldn't.  Guess I'm not bad enough yet.
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You'll  kick yourself!! Think harder!!!!!
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..
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..
.
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..
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Can you name the song, just by  looking at the picture?  (answer in 1 hour)

If they stay in there too long it will be "Blue Moon"

Offline JPye

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #962 on: April 21, 2012, 16:14:25 »
Not sure if this had been posted yet, but I was entertained!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qhm7-LEBznk
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. - Winston Churchill

Offline Journeyman

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #963 on: April 22, 2012, 21:31:21 »
Two words:

Over  Compensating    ::)



Offline airmich

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #964 on: April 22, 2012, 23:01:19 »
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.


So I'll raise a glass, not the first nor last, Come join me in this toast...Because the old black rum's got a hold on me ~ Great Big Sea

Offline PMedMoe

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #965 on: April 23, 2012, 10:22:57 »
Scene from Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows where the gypsies are getting Holmes and Watson into Germany on horseback (highlight mine):

Sherlock Holmes: Uh, hmm... Right. Where are the wagons?
Madam Simza Heron: The wagon is too slow. Can't you ride?
Dr. John Watson: It's not that he can't ride... How is it you put it, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: They're dangerous at both ends and... crafty in the middle. Why would I want anything with a mind of its own bobbing about between my legs?


 :rofl:


"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
~ Lao Tzu~

jollyjacktar

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #966 on: April 23, 2012, 10:45:00 »
A Newfie  walked into a bank in Toronto and asked for the loans officer. He told the loans officer that he was going to Newfoundland on business for two weeks and needed to borrow  $5,000, however he was not a depositor of the  bank. The bank officer told him that the bank  would need some form of security for the loan,  so the Newfie handed over the keys to a new  Ferrari.

The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.  The Newfie produced the  title and everything checked out. The loan  officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for  the loan and apologized for having to charge 12%  interest.

Later, the bank's president  and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the  Newfie for using a $250,000 Ferrari as  collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the  bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's  underground garage and parked it. Two weeks  later, the Newfie returned, repaid the $5,000  and the interest of $23.07.

The loan officer  said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your  business, and this transaction has worked out  very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While  you were away, we checked you out and found that  you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is,  why would you bother to borrow $5,000?' 


The  Newfie replied: 'Where else in Toronto can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?' 
 
 
 

Offline uptheglens

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #967 on: April 23, 2012, 21:09:30 »
An old video, but it still makes me snicker like a naughty schoolboy every time I see it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXPQY_VRP6M

Offline GAP

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #968 on: April 23, 2012, 21:17:44 »
An old video, but it still makes me snicker like a naughty schoolboy every time I see it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXPQY_VRP6M

 :rofl:
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I´m not so sure about the universe

jollyjacktar

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #969 on: April 24, 2012, 16:04:59 »
An old video, but it still makes me snicker like a naughty schoolboy every time I see it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXPQY_VRP6M
Every time I see that one I laugh so hard it makes my guts hurt.  Thanks for sharing.  +300!

jollyjacktar

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #970 on: April 24, 2012, 16:18:33 »
Stevie Starr, "The Regurgitator" from Britain's Got Talent 2010.  auditionsemi final  Have seen him before, he's amazing.   :o

Offline PMedMoe

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #971 on: April 24, 2012, 16:28:11 »
With a name like "The Regurgitator", I'm not even going to click on the link.   :-X
"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
~ Lao Tzu~

jollyjacktar

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #972 on: April 24, 2012, 16:34:20 »
With a name like "The Regurgitator", I'm not even going to click on the link.   :-X
He has a fascinating talent, honest.  And all items come back dry.  It's not that gross, just eye popping.

Offline PMedMoe

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #973 on: April 25, 2012, 10:04:05 »
Somehow I think you should be able to name this song.  I couldn't.  Guess I'm not bad enough yet.

You'll  kick yourself!! Think harder!!!!!

Can you name the song, just by  looking at the picture?  (answer in 1 hour)

So, what the hell was it?   ???


Here's one.  I'm sure we've met at least one of each type.

"There are three kinds of people; those who learn by reading, those who learn by observing and those who touch the fire to see if it's really hot."

 ;D
"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
~ Lao Tzu~

Offline GAP

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #974 on: April 25, 2012, 10:20:37 »
Moonriver
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I´m not so sure about the universe