Author Topic: More and more funnies.. vol: something...  (Read 540381 times)

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Offline the_girlfriend

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #25 on: July 15, 2009, 10:52:21 »
It has nothing to do with the military... but it made me laugh...


ONLY A MOTHER WOULD KNOW .......


Cup of Tea

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea',
which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise
for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room
to watch me bring him a cup of
tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'
My Mom waited, and sure enough,
here I come down the hall
with a cup of tea for Daddy and she
watches him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know.. :)

'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?'

“Mathematics is the only science where one never knows what one is talking about nor whether what is said is true” Bertrand Russell

"S%&# or get off the pot"

Offline BYT Driver

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #26 on: July 15, 2009, 17:10:19 »
Okay....you owe me a new monitor and some new pants!


TOOOOOOOOoooo funny....

Offline SARgirl

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #27 on: July 22, 2009, 14:17:09 »
Military Motivational Posters

So far, there are 4 pages in this thread:
http://madogre.lefora.com/2008/07/15/military-motivational-posters/page1/

Enjoy! :)
« Last Edit: July 22, 2009, 14:40:32 by egy sárvédő »
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"Every survival kit should include a sense of humor."  ~ Author Unknown ~

Offline ironduke57

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #28 on: July 27, 2009, 03:32:12 »
Tour de France 1940:



 ;D

Regards,
ironduke57
"To meaningless French Idealism, Liberty, Fraternity and Equality...we answer with German Realism, Infantry, Cavalry and Artillery" -Prince von Bülow, 1870

Offline CEEBEE501

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #29 on: August 04, 2009, 07:31:48 »
hahaha
Gimmie My Timmies And no One Gets Hurt

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Offline XMP

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #30 on: August 06, 2009, 11:52:57 »

Our American partners have the Barrett, but the Big Mac is the real deal.
"We're the only secret spy agency nobody has ever heard of."
-Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 of Control

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Offline GAP

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #31 on: August 10, 2009, 12:04:49 »
Pregnancy Advice
 A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea

'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked.

'Actually, yes, I do.'

'Does it hurt you?' he asked.

'No. I rather like it.'

'Well, then,' the doctor continued, 'there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.'

The woman was mystified. 'What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?'

'Of course,' the doctor replied. 'Where do you think politicians come from?
 
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Offline tango22a

    Just \"LOVES\" being kicked to the curb!!

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #32 on: August 10, 2009, 12:50:19 »

Yupper!!

tango22a
DISCLAIMER: THE IDEAS AND OPINIONS EXPRESSED HEREIN ARE MINE AND MINE ALONE! NO ONE OTHER THAN MYSELF IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM!

CYNIC .... with a CAPITAL C
Character assassinations a specialty
Still crazy after all these years!!!

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Offline SARgirl

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #33 on: August 10, 2009, 12:51:00 »
I have always thought this joke was rather funny.  Enjoy!  :)

Bathroom Commode
http://www.ebe.org.uk/joke21.htm

The story is told of a lady who was rather old-fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a week's vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term BATHROOM COMMODE. But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again, rewrote the entire letter referring to the bathroom commode merely as the BC "Does the campground have it's own BC?" is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That BC business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for awhile, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply

Dear Madam I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure in informing you that a BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away, if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late. It is such a beautiful facility and the acoustics are marvelous even the normal delivery sounds can be heard.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now a supper is planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it in the basement of the BC.

I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it surely is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow old, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather.

If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks.

Remember, this is a friendly community.

Sincerely,
Campground Owner

--Selected from Mikey's Funnies: http://www.mikeysfunnies.com
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"Every survival kit should include a sense of humor."  ~ Author Unknown ~

Offline recceguy

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #34 on: August 11, 2009, 00:14:27 »
For the Annual Company Picnic, management had decided that because of liability issues, we could have alcohol, but only one  drink per person...


I was fired for ordering the cups.

>
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“I am a Canadian, free to speak without fear, free to worship in my own way, free to stand for what I think right, free to oppose what I believe wrong, or free to choose those who shall govern my country. This heritage of freedom I pledge to uphold for myself and all mankind.”

John G. Diefenbaker

Offline SARgirl

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #35 on: August 16, 2009, 20:30:07 »
Several of these quotes are quite funny... a good laugh.  Enjoy!

Famous military quotes!
http://www.burtonblog.com/view.cfm?post=990
That Others May Live!
"Every survival kit should include a sense of humor."  ~ Author Unknown ~

Offline PMedMoe

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #36 on: August 17, 2009, 20:39:41 »
Someone has too much time on their hands, but funny!!

Icon's Story
"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
~ Lao Tzu~

Offline SARgirl

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #37 on: August 28, 2009, 15:08:51 »
Enjoy!  :)


Weapons of mass distraction FUNNY MILITARY TRAINING

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5sHcXRec_I


Military comedy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0gANjBrUDk
See what happens when soldiers get board, LOL...  I think it's super that troops can entertain themselves. :)

« Last Edit: August 28, 2009, 15:23:42 by egy sárvédő »
That Others May Live!
"Every survival kit should include a sense of humor."  ~ Author Unknown ~

Offline PMedMoe

    is now a flat-faced civvy.... :).

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #38 on: August 28, 2009, 15:19:18 »
Good ones, egy.

Browsing the net, I came across this:



The comments below are hilarious!
"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
~ Lao Tzu~

Offline SARgirl

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #39 on: August 28, 2009, 15:41:12 »
Thank you Moe.

I found these too:

Funny Canadian Soldiers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3yNWvlPgZo
I have not, to date, seen jousting done like this before, gave me a laugh.

Mad TV - Air Canada
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sy8xc_-VB5c&feature=related

 
 
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"Every survival kit should include a sense of humor."  ~ Author Unknown ~

Offline PMedMoe

    is now a flat-faced civvy.... :).

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #40 on: September 02, 2009, 11:16:16 »
A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed.  He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding.  Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.  He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again.  He tried a fourth time with the same result. The f ifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

 

...dumbass    ;D
"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
~ Lao Tzu~

Offline Eye In The Sky

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #41 on: September 02, 2009, 11:43:04 »
 :rofl:
"Stop telling everyone I'm an *******; I like to see the look on their face when they realize it for themselves..."

Offline GAP

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #42 on: September 03, 2009, 09:35:46 »

FARM KID  in Marines
(NOW AT San Diego MARINE CORPS RECRUIT TRAINING)

Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things.  No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.  Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food,  plus yours,  holds you until noon   when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different.  A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher.  He nags a lot.  The Captain is like the school board.   Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing.  I keep getting medals for shooting.   I don' t know why.  The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home.  All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it.  You don't even load your own cartridges They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training.  You get to wrestle with them city boys.  I have to be real careful though, they break real easy.  It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home.  I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake .. I only beat him once..  He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice
 
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I´m not so sure about the universe

Offline SARgirl

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #43 on: September 03, 2009, 11:44:40 »
GAP- :rofl: Hilarious!  Good post. 
That Others May Live!
"Every survival kit should include a sense of humor."  ~ Author Unknown ~

Offline PMedMoe

    is now a flat-faced civvy.... :).

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #44 on: September 03, 2009, 11:48:29 »
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down..

An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.

'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service-station attendant. 'Nothing,' the woman answered.

'I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.'

'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians don't use saddles' 

 ;)

"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
~ Lao Tzu~

Offline Journeyman

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Offline mariomike

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #46 on: September 03, 2009, 12:20:30 »
Message removed. Sorry if any offence was taken.
Get on the bus. Take a ride with us.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2lSGnPl-ww

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #47 on: September 03, 2009, 12:40:39 »
Message removed. Sorry if any offence was taken.

Absolutely no offence.  ???

Man, if the jokes section of the site has to be explained, maybe you really do have a German sense of humour......   ::)
I even read works I disagree with;  life outside  an ideological echo chamber.

Offline mariomike

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #48 on: September 03, 2009, 19:25:55 »
Absolutely no offence.  ???

Thanks. I am glad to read that because I enjoy your posts. I wish we could have a "Meet and Greet" here in Toronto like the one they had in Ottawa. It's nice to make an old fashioned face to face aquaintance with people you e-correspond with.  Sometimes on the computer I am hesitant to crack jokes for concern about misunderstandings and causing offence. :shaking: :shaking:
I tried to make a handshake smiley.  :)
« Last Edit: September 04, 2009, 00:51:30 by mariomike »
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Offline GAP

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #49 on: September 04, 2009, 11:26:13 »
Flight attendant pick-up line

A guy sitting at a bar at HeathrowAirport noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him.

He thought to himself: "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an off duty flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to make her acquaintance, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan: 

"Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself:

"Damn, she doesn't work for Delta.."

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again 

"Something special in the air?"

She gave him the same confused look.

He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: 

"Smooth as Silk."

This time the woman turned on him, 

"What the frig do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said 

"Ahhhhha!  Air Canada ."
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I´m not so sure about the universe