I put this on facebook, and thought it might fit here. It's been a terrible few weeks on a personal friends loss basis, and needed to vent it. If not helpful or relevant, please move/delete at your pleasure.
I'm compelled to write this. I'm no word master, but need to get this out. Nobody can know your struggle, and nobody else has your personal demons. Those are yours. But most of us have those little voices that whisper in our ear in the still of the night. The one that makes you question the point in carrying on, when all you really want to do is sleep and never wake. The voice that tells you how easy it would be and how much better off everyone would be without you around to complicate their lives. Well guess what? THAT VOICE LIES. Nobody is better off without you here. Nobody, you included. I've been there. I drove around for two years with a length of rope in the truck, waiting for the perfect tree to come along. I had the plan. Nothing fancy or showy. Just one day, gone. I had a good chat with that voice once I got four other lives dropped on my doorstep who depended on me. At last, a new mission. For the most part, that voice has been pretty quiet the last few years, but some nights, the sleep won't come, and there's a barely there whisper just behind me, inviting me home to the Dark Place. Some nights I go there, but it's a quick visit, thankfully, and I have no desire to live there any more. If you can't or won't find the strength to fight that voice any longer, call someone who will help. No solo missions, we learn that pretty early in our careers, everyone needs a fire-team partner, and this is the biggest firefight of your life, don't face it alone. You don't have to. Help is here, just suck it up and reach out, a hero ain't nothin' but a sandwich, and pride is just a bunch of lions that will chew you up eventually.
C/S Cat, out.